Slim's Journey to Health - I've Got This!

Visit my new blog - FINALLY!!! Ha Ha

2009-08-24T10:24:00.005-05:00

Sorry that I have taken so long. I see that I have gotten quite a few visits since I closed this blog. Unfortunately, really soon turned into several months. Well, my new journey has begun. Follow me at my new blog.... Slim By Design. Hope to see ya soon!

This Journey Ends

2008-12-29T19:47:00.002-06:00

It's now time for this journey to come to an end. What you say? Have you met your goal? Are you the epitome of health? Not even close. But sometimes, you need to end a journey to move on to something else that is better for you.

Stay tuned as I will be starting a new blog very soon!

Goal Jeans - Check!

2008-11-04T10:06:00.003-06:00

On my on-screen interview for the contest, I brought in a pair of jeans that I absolutely love, but no longer fit. When I was at 160'ish, that was when I looked my best in them. I think I tried them on about 3 weeks ago and those suckers were not coming up past my mid-thigh. Imagine my surprise when I tried them on yesterday and not only was I able to pull them all the way up but I was also able to zip them up and button them up!!!! AND I could breathe, so they weren't cutting off my circulation!!! I was so excited. Since the scale really isn't doing much, I didn't know what was going on with my body, but apparently I am losing some major inches because those jeans slid right on yesterday, with no problem and that is just so exciting. So now that I fit into my goal jeans, the next 25+ days or so are just the gravy. :)

I have my strict eating and exercise rotation. I cannot believe that the finale is only about 4 weeks away. At first when it was 6 weeks, it sounded like a long time until I realized that 6 weeks was only equivalent to 42 days. Just a little over a month. I didn't think that much could be done within that short timeframe. Well, I don't know what can happen, but I do know that I am going to do all that I can so that I can look my absolute best. I know that I gain muscle easily, so the scale may not say much change has happened, but I know that I will look alot better. I am really focusing on building muscle. Since muscle burns more fat, the more muscle I can build, the better. According to a few online tests I have taken, I am a Mesomorph, in which I tend to build muscle pretty easily, so that is definitely on my side. Just the simple fact that I lowcarbed for over a year and didn't really workout and still have such great tone is really something. If only I can lose this body fat, I will look really nice. When I flex, I can see the muscle, it's just too much fat there to really see the real thing. :(

So anyways, I've gotten my cardio in for the morning and plan to get more in this afternoon. I think I will look really nice for the finale, but I know I will look AWESOME in 2009 for sure.

Day 7 & Today

2008-10-27T10:01:00.002-05:00

Well, yesterday was the last day of the GNC Body Cleanse and all I can say is -- GOOD RIDDANCE! I don't know what it was supposed to do, but it was one of the grossest things ever. The coating on the outside of the pills were gross and while the juice with the blend made it tastes better, it was tolerable at best. I can't say that I derived so much benefit from it. At first it appeared that my skin was clearing, but now it seems to be breaking out again, so I am not so sure that it even did that. Then the constant bloat that I felt was awful! I sure to hope that goes away. I still felt it this morning when I woke up. I am going to be highly upset if that is something that I have to contend with from now on since taking that product. It is so uncomfortable and frustrating. So, if someone asks me if I recommended this product, I would have to say NO! I really don't think it did much for all that was involved. Waaay to many pills and they tastes horrible. It didn't help me personally lose any weight. I weighed for the first time since last Monday and I am sitting at 186.8. So an resounding 1.2 lb loss. Whoa!

Nonetheless, I am very happy to see that I am still in the 180's. I have been eating ALOT of carbs and ALOT of calories and so the fact that I didn't spring into the 190's is just wonderful. It is really helping me to believe that my metabolism isn't completely shot! That is wonderful news! Also, I have been doing alot of research and I am just loving it. I am learning so much about the body and my body and what it needs. I would have never thought that I could eat over 2,000 calories and still lose weight. I am learning just how strong I am as well. I just got finished with my Barry's Bootcamp session for the day. Boy is that TOUGH! I did Arms and Abs today and 1 round of the cardio right behind it. According to Buffmother, weight training followed by HIIT makes your body a fatburning furnace, so I tried to tack that on to the end. Hopefully the next time that my Barry Bootcamp workouts come around, I can tack on all of the cardio. :) That's the goal. I am hoping to get stronger and leaner week by week. According to Buffmother, for the next 2 weeks, I am in Boosting stage and really need to focus on building muscle, so that is my goal right now.

There is just so much that I have learned and will continue to learn. While I may not be pleased with how things turned out for the contest, it has certainly turned my attention to my health, which in turn has helped my family. My hubby has joined the gym and trying to lose weight. I am very happy about the positive changes that are happening with us. Since the finale is in 5-6 weeks, I have a constant motivation to keep working as hard as I can to look my absolute best! Already I can tell that my thighs are leaning out, so I am sure that my bodyfat has decreased. I am just going to keep pushing and hope for the best.

Days 5 & 6

2008-10-25T20:26:00.002-05:00

Well, I didn't have the time to make an entry yesterday, so yesterday and today are together. The other day I talked to Angel for a few moments and she mentioned that since I have known her, I haven't stuck to a particular plan for more than 2 weeks. I know that I change my mind alot and that hasn't changed.

Today is a little more change. Well, originally my plan was to try to fit in 2,000+ calories per day. I have been doing that and while I have been feeling so much more energy, I am going to try to lower my calories a tad. I think the plan is now to average between 1,400 and 1,800 calories. Now, I am happy that I ate higher calories this week and ate the 5 meals per day. I think that really helped me and perhaps my body will chill and not think I am starving it anymore. Starting Monday, I am going to be shooting for around 1,800 calories. I think that will be optimal.

It was suggested that I lower my calories to like 1,200 to 1,500. I do not want to lower my calories that far. I am just now getting to the point where I am actually eating. I feel more energy and I am just not feeling the 1,200 calorie thing. I know the intensity of my workouts and I know that I will be feeling that same weakness and lack of energy that I felt before with calories that low. I don't want that back, so I am going to do at least 1,400 calories. Most days, the lowest will be 1,500. I think that I will be doing much better in that calorie range and still be able to lose.

I have definitely decided that I am going to lift HEAVY AS POSSIBLE!! Tonight I am going to do Cathe's Power Hour, but I am not going to keep up with her reps. I am going to go slower, but do all of the exercises and see how that goes.

Day 4: Ups and Downs

2008-10-23T21:35:00.002-05:00

Well, I think I have everything together, FINALLY! I had figured my calorie strategy, but hadn't figured out the workout. Well, I have decided that I am going to pretty much keep my same rotation, however, I am going to lift much heavier than originally planned. I think that the more muscle that I gain, the more fat I will burn.

I had gotten everything together, regarding lifting heavy, so I asked Angel about it. She said that lifting heavy would be fine, BUT, I have to be careful because I gain muscle easily. So that bummed me out a little. Basically because I thought that I had everything together, only to find out that I may need to change things. But I have been chatting with the ladies over at Buffmother and since I do tend to gain muscle easier, it was suggested that I do more cardio in the form of HIIT to burn fat. That sounds like a perfect solution to me, and I am going to go with that!

I have been continuing with the cleanser and it is going okay. With juice, the blend tastes much better, but it is still yucky! It's just drinkable. I am still not weighing. My face looks pretty thin still and my skin is really clearing up, so that is excellent side effect. That was the other thing that I wanted to look good for the finale - My skin! Typically Proactive works really well, but I didn't expect my skin to clear up like this. Kewl beans!

So, it appears that I have a plan and I am ready to proceed forward with it. I didn't do so hot today with calories. I started out later and took the spinning class, so I completely forgot about eating. I only ate 3 times and probably about 1300 calories. :( I plan to do better going forward, although I will be just as busy tomorrow.

Day 3: I've Got the Fire!

2008-10-22T20:14:00.003-05:00

Well, today is my off day from working out. It was nice to get up and just go to work. I am feeling very anxious about getting back to working out. I had some slow time at work today and I have been looking over Buffmother's information and I gotta say - THE FIRE IS BACK! That lady knows her stuff and she just rocks! I am so happy to be a part of such a fun community. You have to believe that she knows what she is talking about because --look at her! Then there are many ladies on the site that look amazing following her suggestions. It's so crazy, you can have all of the tools within your grasp, but if you don't do anything with it, it is useless.

So, I have worked hard today to figure out calories and I do believe that I have it figured out. Okay, I can't believe that I am saying this, but my goal is to cycle my calories, the lowest being 1,500 and the highest 2,200!! Yowzza that's alot of calories, but my body has been through alot over the last several years and I think it is time I start feeding it.

Since getting restarted on Monday, I have been eating every 2-4 hours and keeping my calories in the range and I could not believe the energy that I have had. Just unbelievable. I have been walking around like the living dead for months now and to find out that eating more and eating more frequently can have me feeling so much better is just amazing!!!! So this along with the fact that I KNOW I will get in better workouts has convinced me to eat more calories. I truly want to transform my body and I have to be able to get in good workouts to do this. When my energy is low, I don't have the strength or endurance to put in good workouts, so my body will never change. I am trying to fill those calories with good foods, so I am really hoping that this works out well. It's so wonderful that I have the SS meals, because all of the nutrition information is clearly spelled out, so I know exactly what I am eating.

So, I feel pretty good about the nutrition aspect, now I am working on the fitness part. I still plan to alternate Barry's Bootcamp and the gym, but I still have to tweak a few things so that I can get the most out of my plan. It's so awesome that I get a FREE 1 year membership to Club Fitness. I will have access to all of those machines and things for FREE until next year! Wow, I am so excited. Plus, I've met my wonderful trainer Angel, so I always have a contact and person that will help me whenever I have questions or a problem. I am totally set up for success!!! While the contest left a bitter taste in my mouth, all of the other benefits are just wonderful. It is really giving me the stimulus and jumpstart that I need to FINALLY reach my goals!

Day 2: Penny for My Thoughts

2008-10-21T13:06:00.003-05:00

I was reflecting on all that I did in order to lose those 75 pounds on KK. I literally starved myself and when I entered the contest I weighed a whopping 212 lbs!!! That took up so much of my life and it was all for nothing. It was inconceivable to me that I could actually gain so much weight back after all that I had been through with KK. Low carb has just consumed so much of my life and for what? I knew a long time ago that I wasn't going to do that for life. What - I'm never going to eat another french fry or a piece of cake? Sorry, turnip fries, don't cut it! But since I lost so well, I stayed with it.

The Seattle Sutton meals are truly a blessing in my life right now. I'm thinking I am finally going to figure this thing out and repair my metabolism. Initially when I started the contest and lost those unbelievable 17 lbs in 2 weeks, I was so very excited!!! I thought that I had finally fixed my metabolism and that I would be able to lose on a plan other than low carb. Imagine when just a week later - NOTHING!!! I could not lose beyond that 17 lbs. No matter how much I worked out and drank water - 195 was still floating around. I was getting rather frustrated and then I thought back to my old friend - low carb. It was calling out to me saying "We are good old friends. I've worked for you in the past, why turn your back on me now?" So with that old friend whispering in my ear and the knowledge that it has ALWAYS worked in the past, I jumped back to the low carb game. It was the only way that I knew that I could stay in the competition. Well, it got me through. I did a modified KK and dropped 9 lbs in 5 days. That put me within safe range for the contest for that week. I knew that I DID NOT want to do this again, so I want to go back to the Seattle Sutton meals. Well, within a matter of days, I was back up to around 195 and again the scale would not budge. So, this time I decided to do Atkins and I had 7 days and I lost 9 lbs, but that only showed up as a 4 lb loss at the weigh in and it was not enough. That put me in the bottom and I was up for elimination and of course I was eliminated. Blech!

So being part of the contest definitely had me on a roller coaster. While I did not want to low carb, I felt like I had to in order to stay in the competition. It was the very thing that I did not want to do. But now that I am no longer in the contest, I don't have to worry about weighing in and all of that, so now I have the time to figure it all out. Plus since all of the meals are provided, I know exactly what I am eating - calories, fat and everything, so that puts me in a very good place for success.

So, I am going to keep working out and tracking everything that I eat. Before the contest ended, Angel bought me a weight loss journal to track everything that I eat. It is really a neat little book. I plan to track everything!!! I feel so much more on the ball than I have in a long time. I may actually figure out this thing that has evaded me so long - THE RIGHT WAY TO EAT and NOT low carb!

While I definitely wanted to win the contest and if I was still in it, it is probable that I would have, I still wouldn't have learned anything about my body. More than likely I would have had to continue low carbing and I would probably be in a looney bin by the end. I truly think that I will be happier eating carbs and have more energy. Michelle and Angel always said that I needed to FUEL my workouts. I start my Barry's Bootcamp week again next week and I am hoping to see some real strength gains. I'll see soon.

Also, the gross drink blend from the body cleanse was not so bad today. I decided to use grape juice. Wow, that was all the change in the WORLD! Water was just plain nasty, but with 4-6 ounces of grape juice, I was able to down it in a matter of seconds! Woo Hoo! Now, the pills are still gross, but I can handle that for 5 more days!

Oh and regarding my blog. I know I had been away for awhile, but I just couldn't stand the new look. This look has definitely been home for me, so I had to change it back! :)

So all is good in the neighborhood! I will just keep on keepin on!

My My My....It's Been Awhile

2008-10-20T22:55:00.002-05:00

I've actually missed my blog, but when I got in that contest, I basically felt like my head was spinning uncontrollably. Just too too busy. Yep, I said when I was part of that contest. Angel and I was just too much competition and so they tried very hard to get rid of us and they did. It is unfortunate because I really had a lot more to give. I've come to realize that while it would have been great to win and given the opportunity I am sure that I would have, I really didn't need to win. I was one of the thinner ones and with my strong interest in health and fitness, I really don't need the contest to reach my goals. I will get there anyways. Like I said, it would have been nice.

I did learn some things though from the whole thing. Competitions are not for me. I have some strong feelings on the integrity of the votes and so being that I couldn't prove anything, it was just completely aggravating. Why put myself through that? While I am athletic, I didn't play sports alot in school, so I was unaware of how unscrupulous people can be. I don't like the person that I became in this contest, nor do I like the person I feel I had to be in order to compete in this contest. I will NEVER enter anything like this again.

However, it was certainly not an all bad experience. It gave me an amazing jumpstart on my weight loss. It gave me the motivation I needed to get going again. I was having such a hard time getting restarted and it was just what I needed. We have a finale in December and I want to be smokin hot, so I have to make sure that I keep it up so that I can look amazing.

A few weeks before my elimination from the contest, I had come to the conclusion that while I would love to stay in the contest, it would be nice not to have to be in the contest. The bi-weekly weigh-ins are a pain in the butt and uber stressful. The appearances and constant workouts. Just all too much! I was in the gym all of the time, my time with my family was suffering. It just was not good. My bible study schedule was suffering as well. It was so hard to balance everything when you just have sooo soo much going on. So like I said, while it was hard to leave the contest, I think I am much better for it. I still get to keep the food and I still get a 1 year membership to Club Fitness. Therefore, I can still eat healthfully and workout and don't have all the stresses of the bi-weekly weigh-ins, the appearances and all of that. I can lose at my own pace without all of the stress. I think that is awesome and I am very happy about it. Now, I can actually breathe.

So, this morning, is Day 1. Okay, Okay, for a brief moment I started low carbing again, but now I have went back to eating the meals provided by the contest. Most of the food is actually pretty good. Anyways, today is Day 1. I also started a body cleanse that my trainer recommended from GNC. I hope that it works, but I tell ya, it is some of the nastiest stuff I have ever put in my mouth. Ewww - weee! I hope that it does what it is supposed to do. I am just trying to figure out how I am going to do this for 7 days. I guess I will just take 1 day at a time.

I didn't get in fasted cardio today, but I plan to do that tomorrow (better get to bed now). I did KV - Calorie Burn today. It was nice because it was not kill me Cathe but it was not Leslie Sansone easy either. Nice blend. So that is definitely one that I will be doing on my fasted cardio days. Then later on I took a 5:30 class at the gym called Powersport. Boy, did I LOVE that class. There was step, then weights, then step again and then resistance, then an AWESOME ab segment. Wow, that class really rocked. It was challenging and fun. Gosh, I want to take it every week, but it just won't work on my Barry Bootcamp weeks. Bummer! But I sure will be looking forward to it every other week.

Well, it seems that I have caught up the past month or so in 1 post. It's just been so crazy. I do plan to stay on top of my blog better now. My Journey to health has changed a bit. I am coming to the realization that I actually need to fuel my body. Unbelievably this is a hard concept for me. For results previously, I kept lowering the calories until I was actually starving myself. Now, I am adding in calories and adding in ....DUN DUN DUN DUN.....CARBS!!! That is so freakin scary, but I know that if I keep doing the same old thing, I am going to keep getting the same old results and never reach my goal. So I am going outside of my comfort zone and taking in carbs and adding in more calories in hopes of achieving the body that I desire. I hope that this works out. I go to the finale of the show in December and I want to be smokin' hot by then. I will just stick to my rotation and eating plan. I may have to tweak it some as time goes on, but that is okay. I am actually going to listen to my body this time....Hmmm...think of that.

Here's the Stitch - Part II

2008-08-29T20:04:00.003-05:00

Okay, well, I met the other contestants today and while I was still excited, I am definitely nervous. All of these women are ready to compete and want to win just as badly as I do. I think there were a few women that were smaller than me and a few that were larger than me. I was the only black gal there. Not really surprised about that!

Ugh, my interview today. I hate to be critical, but I think I am going to look so stupid. I think I got tongue-tied in part of the interview. Blech! I don't like being interviewed on camera. I can probably work out just fine, but being interviewed blows. Maybe it is because it is so new and so much. The show is supposed to air on Tuesday at 3 p.m. I have to make sure I tape it. It is a 1/2 hour show and the whole show will be devoted to the 12 of us.

Anyways, there are 12 of us and we were divided into 2 teams of 6. We decided to name our group "Hot Mama's". I know real original, but we had all of 5 minutes to figure out what we wanted to be called. The other team named themselved "Show Me Girls". Not crazy about that name either. I like ours better. Anyways, I started to freak out today because I learned that many of the ladies have gotten started already. I was originally intending on starting when I got the food on Monday, but now I realize that would be a mistake. Those ladies that got started already would have several days leg up on me and that could ensure that I would be in that bottom 4. So, I hadn't eaten any breakfast yet, so I went to Aldi's and picked up some Fit and Active products and basically going to eat on that this weekend until I meet with my trainer.

Speaking of my trainer, I was able to speak with her today. Yep, I have a female trainer. She seems really nice and motivated. I am hoping that she pushes me and gets me to put in more than I think I can handle. I will have my first meeting with her on Monday at 10:00 a.m. I told her alot of the issues I have with dieting. I am looking forward to meeting her and working out with her. I actually felt alot better after talking with her. I was starting to freak out from alot of the things from the meeting this morning. One was to learn that the lady that won the last time this contest ran lost 60 lbs in 12 weeks. That's ALOT of weight to lose in that short amount of time without low carbing. I know that it is possible when I low carb, but very leary to think that it is possible with regular eating. Then I heard that the lady that won last season worked out like 2-3 hours per day. I'm sitting here thinking, "How on earth am I going to be able to fit all of that in?" But anyways, after talking with my trainer, her name is Angel btw, I felt better. I feel like I have someone there in my corner and wanting me to succeed and can actually help me to do so.

My family is being very supportive as well. My hubby is making himself available to watch the kids anytime that I need him to so that I can get my workouts in and go to appearances. My mother and sisters are going to step in where hubby can't and so that is great! I'm so thankful for the support.

My job is uber supportive as well. I emailed several of my net buds today giving everyone a heads up that I may be contacting them to vote for me to keep me alive if I am in the bottom 4. Yep, when we weigh in on the 10th, it is the bottom 4. It will be 2 people from each team and any 2 of the bottom 4 will be able to be eliminated. I sure do hope that I am not eliminated. I don't even want to be in the bottom 4. I will be just getting started. All I can do is my best and hope that my best is good enough to keep me in the competition.

So, I am about to go workout right now. I've really got to get on the ball with this RIGHT NOW! I can't delay or that may hurt my chances of winning. Man, that would ROCK if I could lose 60 lbs. I would be at my goal weight and I would be so happy. It's not just that though, I will be at my goal weight and arrived there the healthy way. That is the one thing I LOVE about the personal trainer and Seattle Sutton, they will teach me the right way to eat and that will be just wonderful!

Here's to getting to goal the healthy way AND winning that trip to Mexico!

Here's The Stitch!

2008-08-28T22:14:00.003-05:00

Well, I met with the dietician yesterday and sure enough, I am over 200. Well over 200. Try 212. One of my old set points. Guess it could have been worse. I guess! So that is my starting point and I will just go from there. It's really going to be different though. From low carbing for so long, I have gotten used to losing fast. According to Seattle Suttons site, I will be looking at losses of about 1-2 lbs per week. That is going to be a real adjustment.

Tomorrow is the big day though. I get to meet all of the other ladies that are part of the competition. I wonder if everyone is around my age? Bigger than me? Smaller than me? Fit? Unfit? So many questions. Many will be answered tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.!!!! Apparently I have to keep a weekly blog of my activity, etc. So I will put the link here. Probably in my favorites.

This is all so exciting. We have all been emailing each other back and forth and I can just feel the excitement. I just hope to do a good job and not get voted off. All I can do is my best. I figure if I could do KK and essentially starve myself for 4.5 months, I can certainly eat meals that are prepared for me each day. I still haven't been contacted by a trainer. Hopefully that will happen soon. I am looking forward to getting the motivation and insight that a personal trainer has. I hope I get a really good trainer. One that will push me and encourage me. All my Cathe's have prepared me for the hard work that I will have to put in.

Anyways, I am very excited about all of this and look forward to losing weight healthfully and hopefully never gaining again. I am so disgusted to be over 200 lbs again after all of the starvation and working out and headaches. It's really hard and demoralizing but that is okay, I am starting again and I am determined to win! If I am the Grand Prize Winner, I win an all expense paid trip to Mexico. Wow, that would be so wonderful. Next year we will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary and I would love to go on this trip for our anniversary.

So, I am determined and ready to win. I TRULY want to reach my goal weight, but doing so in a way that is a lifestyle change. I knew in my heart long ago that I could not low carb the rest of my life, but it offered short term results and it was so intriguing. In the end, it was just a waste of my time and totally frustrating. I will never encourage anyone to low carb. After a year of struggling with it, I realize it's just not healthy and not worth it.

Gonna Lose Some Weight...The Healthy Way!

2008-08-26T21:54:00.006-05:00

Well, a few weeks ago, I was playing with the girls and the news was playing in the background and I heard an advertisement about a challenge -- just for MOMS! I was like wow, that would be too kewl. They listed a website and said that entries had to be done by August 13th. Well, I went to the site and couldn't find anything, but the date of 8/13 was still in my mind. So a few days by and I keep going back to the site and couldn't find it. I finally contacted the Webmaster but by the time they had responded, I found the link. Anyways, I had to submit my name and weight, picture and WHY DO I WANT TO LOSE A TON OF WEIGHT? Well, I put together my reasons and submitted on 8/12/2008. Well, the rules indicated that a decision would be made by August 15th, so that day had passed and I hadn't heard anything, so I assumed that I was not picked.

Well, on August 19th, I received a call from KSDK saying - "Congratulations, you have made it to the next round which is interviews." So I was so excited!!! My stupid cell phone hung up on the lady, so I tried to call back, but by the time I got back to her she had left a message. She left the times that they were doing interviews on Wednesday and Thursday. Well, I decided that the best time for my interview was Thursday at 11:00 a.m. I went down to KSDK, parking was terrible, but I was able to find a spot a few blocks away. I got there and went on the interview. They were really nice and went over the contest. They said I would know by tomorrow (Friday) what their decision would be. Well, I knew I would be out of town and so I was nervous but very very excited. They said that they would call and let me know either way, so I knew that just because my phone rang didn't mean anything. So anyways, on Friday at 12:03 p.m. I was called and told "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED AS A FINALIST!!!" Woo Hoo! I could not believe that I had been picked. This is like the best thing ever. The weird thing is that I NEVER watch the news. I don't think that I have watched it since. This is just what I needed. Some direction and some help to get me on the road to my goal weight eating healthy and exercise.

Essentially this is a St. Louis version of The Biggest Loser. I will weigh every 2 weeks and the 2 people that lose the lowest percentage of weight will be put in the bottom 2 and can be voted off. We will not vote each other off. Apparently, others that are watching our progress will handle the voting. I will get to meet the other 11 moms on Friday. Tomorrow I go for starting measurements and weight. I have no idea what I weigh, but I know that I am 200+. Prolly like 212. I will be severely depressed if it is worse than that, but you know what, I am on my way to my goal - the healthy way - and so I will not let it get me too down.

Now the Beauty of this whole contest:

1) I will receive a 1 year membership to Club Fitness which I get to keep no matter if I get voted off or not AND

2) I will have all of my meals prepared for me by a company called Seattle Sutton (7 Breakfasts, Lunch and Dinner) and I will get to keep this for the entire contest no matter if I get voted off or not AND

3) I get a personal trainer!!! Woo Hoo!!! However, if I get voted off, I do lose the trainer. :(

This is just the most AWESOME thing ever! I have talked to my supervisor and she is totally supportive so I can make it to all of the weigh-ins and appearances. Alot of this is going to be televised and so I have to really get it together. I don't want all of St. Louis thinking I can't hack it!

So anyways, that is what is going on with me. I am so very very excited!!! Since I stopped low carbing in July, I have just being going in circles, not really knowing what to do next. This gets me off of that cycle as my meals are all prepared for me. I really hope to win this and I know I can do it! I'm getting loads of support and I am very determined. I will be sure to post my new blog when more information is available. I am going to Lose A Ton of Weight - The Healthy Way!

My Chicago Trip!

2008-08-25T23:30:00.007-05:00

Well, I finally got away to hang out for the GIRLFRIENDS WEEKEND! I just got back from Chicago today. My sister and I drove down to meet Lin and Joyce early Friday morning and drove back today. We had a really nice time just getting together and hanging out. We haven't all been together in almost 10 years, so it was really nice. We did alot of laughing, alot of eating and just toured Chicago area. I had alot of fun with my friends, but I did not really enjoy Chicago. I found Chicago to be unbelievably cheap and very proud of themselves. They wanted to charge for every little thing. I was not pleased with the fact that in order to get to my unbelievably cheap hotel, I had to pass 3, count em 3 tolls. Two were for $.80 each and the other for $.30. How cheap. This was all on the same highway I-294! Then once I get to the hotel, this ridiculous hotel - Ahem - Crowne Plaza at O'hare - had the audacity to charge $18/day for crummy parking. The whole parking lot was under construction, so you would have to drive a country mile to get to your car. Then this chintzy hotel had the nerve to have bottled water in the room with a price tag of $2.95 EA. Yikes! The carpets were yucky. The whole place short of the fitness room needed a cleaning and immediate updating. Don't get me started on the internet fees. These cheapos wanted $12.95 per night for Wifi that was already in my room. I just found them to be so cheap and it was real turn-off.

That was just the crummy hotel. Let's move on to the grimy subway. I was shocked to find that you have to pay for parking in order to ride the subway!!! How incredibly cheap. So, not only do I have to pay for subway ride, I have to pay to park in the parking lot as well. There was just so much money spent on minutia. It was ridiculous. I ended up going to a nearby McDonald's and using the FREE Wifi that they offered. What a gyp at that hotel! Also, when we were downtown Chicago, Lin had to go to the restroom, and they refused to let her go to the bathroom WITHOUT MAKING A PURCHASE! Ludicrous! Needless to say, I will not be rushing to Chicago again. Not unless I just have tons of money to blow for no good reason. Everything is just too expensive for my taste.

We hope to have a GIRLFRIENDS WEEKEND yearly if not at least every 2 years. There was just so much to catch up on, yet not enough time. I definitely enjoyed myself and can't wait to see my girlfriends again.

Somethin's Gotta Change!

2008-08-03T22:16:00.003-05:00

Seems like I haven't been here FOREVER! But, I guess the reason for that is that I am doing a whole lot of nothing. I feared that this would be the case because the last time that I tried to leave low carb, I ended up doing nothing but gaining a bunch of weight and that is what I am doing right now. I hate the cycle that low carb put me on. While I am happy that I lost alot of weight, I wish I hadn't done it the low carb way. It isn't the way that I want to eat for life and now I am stuck with gaining alot of weight and so darn quickly. I'm not going to say that I haven't been tempted to ease back into low carbing because I have, but I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT! I know that I would always find a reason to low carb. There is always some event or something going on in my life or just the sheer fear of being fat all over again that is there to get me back on that road again, but I won't do it! I won't let myself get uber fat like I was before, but I won't low carb again either. So what's a girl to do?

It's hard because I feel trapped. Although WW is so simple by nature, I feel absolutely lost. It's my own fault I guess. I am a research queen and just like I belonged to LC forums, I should find a WW forum and get involved. Yeah, I know. It's just hard. I can't believe I have allowed this much time to elaspe and now I am plumping up something awful. I dare not get on the scale, because I know a number will stare back at me that I never wanted to see again in my life. I won't even take myself through that. I looked very puffy today and my thighs are huge all over again. It's murder taking myself through this all of the time. That is the very reason why I won't low carb again. I won't do it again.

I am supposed to be hanging out with my girlfriends at the end of this month. Lord only knows what I will look like by then. I just hope that I don't continue to gain. I need to get on the stick and at least stop the gaining. It's so horrible and demoralizing to gain so fast. I feel Plus size all over again.

The thing I have discovered about myself is that I am an all-or-nothing type of gal. I don't dip my toe in to test the waters, I either do it or I don't. When I get on a diet, I have to eat right, exercise, drink water and do everything right and I can be on a roll BUT if I get off plan or off track --- Whoa Nelly, I am soooo off plan and sooo off track. I can't do anything a little bit. If I am off plan, I don't work out, I drink everything BUT water. It's terrible. Like watching a trainwreck happening in slow motion. I wish I could figure out a way to do things slowly. Like maybe week 1, drink water only. Maybe week 2, start working out, week 3, watch my points, something like that. Sounds sensible and doable, but highly unlikely. Ugh, maybe I will start like that. I think I just overwhelm myself, trying to take on too much at one time. Then going into unchartered waters like WW is just freaking me out. I did this with Buffmother at the beginning of the year and ended up wasting alot of time and gaining weight in the meantime. I have really got to learn about myself and pay attention or else I just keep making the same mistakes and just completely frustrate myself. So, we will see. I bought some groceries this weekend in an effort to start cooking at home and not eating so much out, bad for you, fast food. Maybe that will be my focus this week - No Fast Food. Well, either that or no pop. Okay, let's start with NO POP!

Week One - No Pop!

Whew! That is going to be tough, because I really do love pop! I will try to drink as much water and sugar free lemonade as I can. The problem is I don't think it will be enough to ward off weight gain. I will be wobbling in when I see my friends at the end of the month. I think I will also need to start working out. Maybe that will help a bit. I just feel sooo very bloated and fat. It's awful. Hopefully between drinking mostly water and lifting weights, some of this bloat will go down.

I saw this lady the other day and she just looked so nice. Her hair was done nice and she had on a fitted black shirt, black skirt and heels and she just really looked great! In my mind I was like there is no reason that I can't look that nice. I will one day. I just have to believe in myself, be willing to put in the hard work and make the necessary sacrifices. The past year of LC'ing has not been fun. I want my diet to be a Lifestyle, not altering my family's diet and being a part of my family. I've felt like an outsider and that is why I really want to make this change.

I am going to try this approach. More Baby Steps. Putting behind me the whole "all or nothing" mentality. If I had done so thus far, perhaps, I wouldn't be blowing up lookin' like the Michelin man or somethin'.

Same Goal, Just A Different Course

2008-07-17T09:45:00.005-05:00

Well the District Convention has come and gone. I missed quite a bit due to the girls being 2 and very active, but what I did get to hear was WONDERFUL and so timely. The information was exactly what I needed to hear and I am so thankful that Jehovah provides the conventions so that we can learn and be spiritually upbuilt. I am sure that it was recorded, so hopefully we will get a copy of it soon so that I won't miss a bit!

In terms of weighing, I didn't even bother. Here is the situation - I fit all of my dresses for each day. On the first day, I wore a size 10 dress. On the 2nd day, I wore a size 12 and on the 3rd day a size 8. So, whatever the situation, I didn't have to wear a plus size dress, so it is all good. :) I've been away from the scale so long now, that it really doesn't have the same power over me and I am thankful for that. Sure, I don't want to gain alot of weight, but at the same time, I still feel like I look okay, so I will just stick with that. I still haven't read all of the materials, but I will be moving over to WW. I just feel like WW is more of a family plan. I can prepare the same meals that I eat for my family and don't have to feel so separated all of the time. I am really excited. I have tons of WW materials and aware of tons of sites, so I am really excited!!!

It is a little difficult on the psyche though to think of joining and being parts of sites that talk about fruit and bread. That hasn't been a part of my world for such a long time. Well, wasn't supposed to be. :) It is going to be quite different, but I am ready. I really enjoyed when I was working out regularly. I felt very powerful and I felt it helped me to keep my mind straight. I plan to get started with working out regularly as well next week. Yeah, I am kinda taking some time off. A weight gain is inevitable since coming off of low carb, so I am going to enjoy myself a little bit and then get really serious. I still have plans to reach my goal, but just not by low carbing. Probably will stop about 147 again. We will just have to see. I really want all of this to be about my health and the health of my family, so hopefully I will know when I get there.

So, nothing much to report, just happy to be free of a few things. Free from feeling that low carb is the only answer for me. Free from the bondages of the scale as I realize it doesn't reflect my true self. If that was the case, how is it that I was able to wear a size 8 dress? I know that the next several months will be challenging, but I will face these challenges and I WILL get to GOAL!

The More I Try, The More It Takes

2008-07-06T21:30:00.005-05:00

That one of the verses to one of my favorite artist out right now ---- Santogold! I just love her cd!!! It has the best blend of sounds and her voice is awesome! Definitely check her out! Welcome to my world. :)

Dietwise and exercisewise still going strong. Unbelievably, I think I am going to make it to the 10th. I think that it is going so smoothly because I am not stressing about eating perfectly. I am not stressing about the scale. My focus is continuing to eat low carb and exercising. I missed my workout for today unfortunately, but with the exception of today, I have gotten in every workout and I AM SHRINKING!! I couldn't believe it, but on Friday, I FIT THE SIZE 4 Dress!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I had to be creative with the zipper, but still the fact that I was able to zip it all the way up was unbelievable! That just made me feel so good. Makes me feel like I will reach my goal. I just have to maintain focus on eating the right things AND working out. I went shopping on Friday and found a dress that I really, really liked. Well, I found a 14 in the dress and tried it on, it was big on me, but I came across a size 8 in the same dress. I was positive that it would not fit. Call me shocked to try on the size 8 and it fit perfectly! Unbelievable! More than likely I will wear it to the District Convention on Sunday. I'll have to take a picture. Honestly, I don't see how, my hips are still so big, but hey, I'm not going to argue with it. I am going to glow in the fact that I worked hard and because of it, I will be wearing a very nice dress in a very nice size.

Well, really I have enjoyed myself over the past few weeks. I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about continuing to low carb and workout since it is working so well for me, but I really do feel that it is time to move on. Like my hubby said, Low carbing isn't the only way to lose weight. I just have to commit to whatever I chose to do in order to reach my goal. I feel that I am pretty committed to losing the weight and being a healthy example for my family. I can't believe that July 10th is just a few days away. I may have to stick with it until Sunday depending on what I chose to wear. Since I gain horribly when I come off of low carb, I am almost afraid to come off on Friday. I won't be able to fit my dress on Sunday. We will just have to see. I will determine that when the time comes.

I'll just keep trying. Like I have always said, I will never give up until I reach my goal!

Strong in spite of Weaknesses

2008-06-30T00:50:00.003-05:00

Doing pretty good if I should say so myself. Although I have been tempted, I have not gone off course. I am doing AWESOME on my exercise rotation. I have not missed a single day. It's been a really interesting rotation. A good mix so that I don't get bored. It is a mix of the TLT's, Firms and Leslie Sansone. Tomorrow is a Leslie day and I am thankful. This morning, I did Firm - Jiggle Free Buns. Didn't really like it as well as I like Jiggle Free Arms, but I don't really like to work my lower body anyway.

As far as diet is concerned, I left behind Atkins 72 some time ago, but according to the ketosticks, I am still in Ketosis. Certain recipes have been really helpful for me sticking to plan. Adding in veggies has been a big help as well. I am still looking forward to transitioning from Low carb after the district convention. This girl needs a change. Who knows, I may try WW for 6 months or so and come back to LC, but right now, I think it is important for my psyche and for my family to change over to something a little more family oriented. I'm excited. I want to do it right though because I don't want to gain a bunch of weight. I have come to terms with the fact that I will gain some during the transition, but I don't want to gain alot. I hope not to go hog wild with food and continue to work out to lessen the gain.

My personal life is still quite challenging. It's definitely been hard on me, but I have been relying on Jehovah for strength and it has helped me a great deal. While Jehovah does not remove the problem, ita a biggy but somehow it doesn't stay on my mind constantly and that really shows for the power of prayer. I am sure that working out regularly and journaling has helped a great deal as well. I think that it is healthy for me. Praying, working out regularly and journaling is good for me. It is actually time that I am taking out for myself which I don't take alot of time to do. I feel very strong physically and stronger than I would think emotionally, so I am quite proud of that.

Going Strong

2008-06-24T21:38:00.002-05:00

Well, still going strong! I have not missed a single workout since getting started last week. I am excited because I have not being able to stick to an exercise rotation for a good long while. I think that working out has helped me to. Stress has been at a high level lately, so I feel that the workouts have helped me alot. Yesterday was challenge day - TWO WORKOUTS! I did Firm Vol 4 PLUS Cardio Sculpt Blaster. It was tough, but I got through it. Tracie called it challenge day and it was that. :) This morning at 5:00 a.m., I got up and did my walk. I chose Leslie Sansone 4 Mile Express. Whew! It may be a walk, but it does make you sweat. I couldn't do Leslie everyday because I would get really bored, but it definitely is nice to do at least 1 x per week. Plus when you have a day of really tough TLT's, you are relieved to see that a walking workout is next on the agenda. I look forward to tomorrow even more so though. Tomorrow is a complete rest day - Woo Hoo! Wednesday's I take off because I already get started at 5:00 a.m. and I am not about to get up at 4:00 to workout. Then in the evening, I want to enjoy my family and rest, so I have designated Wednesday as my day off for sure. Thursday, I am back at it again though. I think Thursday is TLT Finding your Core. I haven't tried this one yet, but as I understand it is really tough. I think Tracie wants me to add on 3o min of cardio after the workout, so Thursday is definitely going to be a toughie!

I have really been enjoying my workouts. I didn't know, but this rotation has been perfect. Since I haven't done all of these workouts before or at least I haven't in a long time, they seem fresh and new and that is nice. I knew that I couldn't stand the thought of all Firms, so this is great! Already I can tell that my clothes are fitting better. My stomach is flattening as well. I don't know what the scale is saying, but I do know that something is definitely happening. I may not fit that dress for the assembly, but as long as I stay on track, I will look nice. Probably can wear a solid size 10 dress. Well, I will just have to see.

I can't believe that the District Convention is so close. At first it seemed so far away and now it is like in just a few weeks. I am looking forward to the District Convention. I hope that the girls do good like they did last year. The 2's have been quite interesting. They are so vocal and so active. I will pray that things go well because I could really use the encouragement and good information. I really enjoyed the book study tonight. I really want to do more spiritually, but sometimes we get so bogged down with stresses and pressures. Jehovah is good and He will strengthen us, we just have to rely on Him. More and more everyday, I am seeing the importance of this. There are just too many things for us to try to handle ourselves. Besides He wants us to throw our burdens on Him. So I am going to throw them on Him every day. I know that my day will go much smoother when I do.

Everything is Going Pretty Good!

2008-06-22T22:02:00.003-05:00

Well, today, I added in veggies. Couldn't stand the meat only thing that I was doing. I do plan to add in some of my favorite lc recipes as I phase out. It doesn't mean that I won't make any of these anymore, I just don't plan to low carb diet anymore. Who knows, maybe down the road I will revisit, but I've got to try. A girl on my fitness forum posted a really informative article about retraining your metabolism after you damaged doing low carb and low calorie. Fortunately I am currently working out and I think that working out will help. Unfortunately a small weight gain is inevitable during the transition, but that is okay, I am used to that. Everytime I come off plan I gain 10-15 lbs, so I guess I am used to it, BUT, I have to have a plan to transition to so that I can continue to lose and also so that the gain can be minimal. I don't think that I have ever been working out in the process of going off plan. Typically I am binging and not even thinking about anything else. Anyways, I still have a goal, just plan to get there a different way.

My workouts are going WONDERFUL and I am enjoying them so much. This morning I did TLT Better Burn Better Buns. That was definitely a toughie, actually deceptively tough. I modified alot of the moves, so I didn't think I was working that hard, but by the end, I was definitely sweating buckets. I really like the functional fitness workouts. I find that already, I am holding my abs in alot more than I used to and that is great. I love that the moves are different and functional. I also enjoying integrating some Firms with the rotation. So far, I am 6 for 6. I've completed every single workout that was planned on my rotation, and I am quite proud of that. The other day, the girls were downstairs with me while I worked out. I just partitioned off the area that I was working out in and let them play. They were a little whiny, but overall they did great. Mya was even trying to copy the moves that I was doing and I LOVED that. I definitely want the girls to see me working out and hopefully that will extend to them and they will work out with me when they get older. :)

Hubby doesn't think that I should even bother weighing on the 10th. He thinks that I should just go shopping and whatever fits will work. I dunno. I would like to know where I stand and then several weeks later during the transition, I find out how I am doing. We'll just have to see. I feel he has a point though. If I am that blasted 185 I will not be happy and will proably be grumpy the first day of the District Convention. I really hope that I do not weigh 185. Maybe it is best not to even know. My body really seems to like that weight.

I did notice today that my abs are flatter, even though it is TOTM and then my shoulders are definitely not round. I don't know for sure if they were starting to round since I haven't really been working out, but I did notice that they look pretty good today, so that is quite promising.

I am hoping that by the time my girlfriends and I go to NY in August that I can be toned up pretty good. I still would like to take a class with LUAM and I know that I have got to build up my cardio endurance and fluidity of movement, so I know that I have some work to do. I can't wait. It will be so nice to get away. I hate that I am unable to take a vacation with my hubby sooner, but hopefully we will be able to go away for a few days during our anniversary in Novemember. Yippee!!! I hope to be smokin' hot by then.

So anyways, things are going pretty good diet and workoutwise. I am very optimistic and excited about the plans that I have to transition from low carbing. Low carbing has been in my life for over a year now and I really feel good saying that it is time to move on to something else. It's not a bad thing. It is a wonderful thing and I embrace it. It's going to take some courage because I have tried and failed in the past, but I have got to make it stick. I've learned some things from my past attempts and I am going to try real hard so that those things won't trip me up again. I'll never give up until I reach my goal!

Why did It Take Me So Long to Read My Own Blog?

2008-06-20T19:28:00.006-05:00

I started at the very beginning, October, and worked my way up to March, so I still have some reading to do. I took some notes along the way and came to a few conclusions. Here are the very clear ones:

1) I am the least happy when I am on the very restrictive plans. Stillman's, KK modification or even Atkins 72 for that matter.

2) I am guilty of SCALE SABOTAGE!! I have noticed that the times that I hop on the scale daily are definitely the times when I go off plan when I stall on just gain a pound or 2.

3) I suffer from "Paralysis by Analysis", thus wasting alot of time.

All of these things factor into why I have not reached my goal. I haven't been consistent. Prolly 1x or month or so, I should have read through my previous entries to see where I am. I changed my mind so many times probably because I forgot what I wrote before and why. So in the meantime, I was going in circles. I was getting nowhere.

- If I had read my previous entries, I would have known that when I go restrictive, I don't last much longer than 2 weeks. It just doesn't work. I am extremely unhappy and extremely grumpy with my family. It's not worth it. I end up coming off of that plan and gaining the weight back, hence the 166-185 loop.

- I know this is an ongoing issue, but if I'd read my previous entries I would have recognized and paid attention to how many times I have ruined my success because of getting on the scale. Getting discouraged because no matter what I do, I stall and won't move. Getting on the scale daily is a major mind twister for me and I should not do it if I want to reach my goal. It's wonderful to see those pounds dropping, but when it's all over or a gain, it's all over for my plan, hence the 166-185 loop.

- There was a whole month that I wasted in my journal trying to plan to make the plan perfect and in the meantime I was getting fat all over again. I just need to quit wasting time. I am already tired of dieting. I am highly upset that getting to goal has taken up over a year of my life. I know that when I started I had alot to lose, so I knew that it would take time, but this is really ridiculous. So wasting a bunch of time trying to formulate the perfect plan definitely kept me in the 166-185 loop.

Clearly, I need to find a plan that is not restrictive and allows me to make decisions from a variety. Atkins 72, Stillmans, modified KK is not this. They are so restrictive and I don't have any choices. I came across my story of when I was a child and how I would rather starve myself versus eat what my mom prepared. That is the approach that I take with these types of plans. I would rather starve then force myself to eat another dry piece of chicken with nothing on the side. It's just not enjoyable and not realistic. I KNOW for a fact that it isn't something that I will stick to for life, so what is the point?

If I continue these behaviors I will never ever in a million years get to goal! I'll be continually frustrated and fat and very happy and in the end my family will frustrated, fat and unhappy and that is unacceptable. That's why I basically decided that I need a change. After the District Convention I am just going to move on to something else and just do it.

Don't plan to death and waste time,
Don't hop on the scale every day to see how things are going,
Stop restricting myself to low calories, certain food groups and water only
Find a plan that allows me to enjoy life!!!!

A few of the things that I noted is 1) Above all, I want to be healthy and a good example for my family. Since I prepare the meals and such, I set the tone for the health of my family. 2) I want to have fun. While there were some happy moments, really it has not been fun. When I read through my journal, I almost felt sorry for myself, why was I doing this to myself? Do I want to be thin that bad that I am willing to risk my health, my happiness, be a poor example to my family? This whole weight loss thing has consumed me so much. I am going to have to ask my hubby what it's been like to live with me over the past year. He's even more of a blessing than I previously thought.

There has got to be a happy medium. It's not as if low carbing is bad and when I was using Linda's recipes, I enjoyed myself quite a bit, but the reality of it is, I wasn't losing. It would get me back to my set point and then I would stop. What I have to resolve myself to is that at my current weight, I am no longer at any health risks, so I don't have to race. What I need to be is consistent. Whatever plan that I determine to follow, it needs to be balanced, livable and not completely frustrating. I don't believe that low carbing will fall into that category for me. The fact that it allows me to gain sooooo fast is almost a set up for cycling and that is nothing that I want to be in for the rest of my life. No way! So if I really think about it, this WOE in and of itself is self-sabotaging. I know that there is no way that I am going to cut french fries, cake, regular bread and regular pizza out of my life forever, there is no way, plus I want to enjoy those things with my family on occasion. So really there is no way that I am going to follow a plan where everytime I chose to eat those things, I gain 5-10 lbs. No, it isn't a plan that I am going to follow for life. It's just not.

So, I guess that I will try my best to see this plan through until July 10th and then I will close up this WOE. I am going to enjoy myself on the way out though. I will probably move on to the next stage. Prepare my low carb pizza, taco bake and other things that I enjoy on Atkins, but I won't continue on this plan past the 10th. I won't allow myself to feel bad about it either. I definitely gave it a fair shake. It helped me to lose alot of weight and I am happy about that, but throughout any journey, you may have to change your course. I definitely learned things from this part of my journey though and for those things I am very grateful!

Main things are don't continue in behaviors that will sabotage you ~ It only leads to frustration and send you in circles. As cliche as it sounds, Be consistent and the results will follow are the words I need to live by.

Roller Coaster of Emotions and Weight

2008-06-19T23:16:00.012-05:00

Well, today was one of those days that I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Just in an overall bad mood. I'm dealing with some personal issues right now and so that definitely takes it toll on me. My husband is a wonderful man and he is very supportive. I feel so blessed to have such a kind and understanding man as my Stan. As well, I am praying to Jehovah for strength and endurance and look forward to the new system when the things that we have endured will be things of the past and won't be remembered. This is something that I am certainly looking forward to.

I completed TLT - Strength in Movement tonight. I think I liked that one better than the Endurance in Movement. It was a little more easy going and I like Jen. It was very challenging. I don't know why I do this to myself. I won't workout for weeks or months and then get restarted with some of the hardest workouts in my collection. I didn't quite know what to expect with these and while I won't use the word - fun - I certainly feel they add a little something different to working out and that is a good thing. At first I was going to try to stick to just a FIRM rotation and I just couldn't stand the thought of that, so I found this rotation and so far so good.

I am still following Atkins 72. I have no idea what I weigh, nor do I plan to find out anytime soon. I plan to follow it through the district convention. After that though, I am saying this and I really mean it....I am going to close the book on low carbing. It's just too hard to have to fix separate meals and there is just so much preparation. And while I lost a great amount of weight in a short period of time, it's now been a full year and I still have not met my goal. In this amount of time, I would likely be at goal if I had been following WW or something. Also, I just don't care for the lack of spontaneity with low carbing. I mean I can't just eat a bag of Doritos if I want to or get a taco. It's not that I want to splurge on these things, I just want to be able to eat them when I want to. Ultimately, it is up to me to make healthy decisions when I eat. So I can either choose to do so or not. Plus the fact that when I come off plan which is likely, I BINGE! I feel like I am trying to fit in everything that I have missed while on plan and I eat more and more terrible each time. I don't want that, but with the almost perfection that you have to have with low carb, it makes it impossible not to function that way. You have to pretty much do the diet exactly or you will knock yourself out of ketosis and you will be hungry and not losing weight. I think I am just sick and tired of the pressure. I don't have the fight in me anymore to starve myself or to be so restrictive. Ultimately, I just want to eat what I choose in moderation, drink plenty of water and exercise regularly. That's what I want. That is going to be my real Journey to Health! I'm tired of cycles and I am tired of doing this to myself. The long and the short of it is, I want to be healthy, I want to be a good example to my daughters and keep my husband healthy. I have a beautiful family that I love with all of my heart and I want us all to be healthy.

So, I am going to try my very best to continue to low carb through July 10th and then I am going to move on to something else. May be more along the lines of Buffmother's plan or it may be WW, or it just may be something that I have concocted myself, I'm not quite sure. But in the end, I don't believe that low carbing is going to be my journey to health. I may have started my journey here and with it, I lost a great amount of weight, but it's not how I wish to continue. I really don't feel that LC has helped me to create a healthy body, nor did it help me to create a healthy relationship with food. May have done it for others, but not me. It helped me to lose weight and since that was my goal, it did it's job. But that is not good enough anymore and not enough to keep me going. So over the next 3 weeks or so, I will be formulating a plan so that I can get things in gear to transition to something else. I know that I have tried other plans in the past, and I failed, but I really think that they failed because I was trying to follow such strict parameters that I set myself up to fail. Fortunately I have my blog and my old KK journal so that I can read through it and figure out how I was feeling, what things upset me, what things made me feel good and go with it. Health, that is what this journey is about, my health and I hope that I learn something during the course of it!

My world today

2008-06-16T21:23:00.003-05:00

Today was a whirlwind day but it was nice. I got up and ate breakfast with the girls and fortunately the weather was pretty mild so I took the girls to the park and they had a nice time. They love the swings and the slide. It was just so much fun watching them have fun. It is really something how simple things can bring children such enjoyment. I really enjoyed my time with them today. After we got home, they ate lunch and went down for a nap. While they were down, I worked out and boy was it a workout! Today, I did TLT - Endurance for Movement. I have had the TLT's for quite some time, but just never got around to doing them. More of a functional fitness than traditional fitness workout and I can tell I am going to be feeling it tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Calorie Killer 2 from the Firm. I found a pretty neat rotation that Tracie created as a way to integrate TLT's and FIRMS. I don't know how I am going to look for the District Convention, but I do know that by the time it rolls around, I will be in much better shape than I am today. :) The moves are quite different in the TLT's. I am quite sure that I wasn't doing all of them right, but all I can do is do my best!

Really, that is all that I can do anyways. I can push and push, but in the end, I can't MAKE anything happen. Sure, I would like to be 160' ish by the DC, but the likelihood of that is very slim. I have no idea what I weigh and I have no desire to get on the scale. One thing that I have learned is to stay off of the scale. It is my way of sabotaging myself and not reaching my goal. I still have my goal in my mind. I hope to reach it before the years end. Well actually, I hope to reach it by our anniversary. If I don't, I should be rather close. Funny, I thought I would have reached my goal by my last anniversary, but it didn't happen. Maybe I should stop making goal dates and just shoot for my goal weight! Hey that rhymes! :)

No more goal dates, just goal weight! I think that is my new thing. Cause if I think about it, when I put myself on a sort of timeline, and if I mess up along the way, I may throw in the towel feeling that there is no way I will make it, however if I just keep a consistent goal weight, that can keep me motivated and on track. I will see how this works. In any event, I have got to stay off of the scale. It's not my friend.

I bought such a cute dress the other day. I would like to wear it to the DC, only problem is that it s a size 4. Right now, it doesn't even think about zipping all the way up on the side, however, it will one day. Hey, if I don't get to it for the DC it is okay. One day, it will fit just the way that I like it. If I stay on target, it will be before the warm weather is over this year!

Fat Day!

2008-06-08T22:40:00.006-05:00

Well, I am still hanging on, but I definitely feel fat today. I haven't went off plan or anything, but I do feel fat. Prolly because I pulled out this dress that I haven't worn for awhile and I really don't recall it fitting this way in the past. I really need to get started on Atkins 72 and stick with it. I don't like how I feel, I don't like how I look, it's just depressing.

I don't really understand. In my mind, I know that I want to get to goal AND I know all of the things that I need to do, but it is just really hard to get going. Morton sent me an email the other day talking about self-sabotage and I think that is definitely what I am dealing with. I have been within 20 lbs of goal, but keep going in this loop of 20-40 lbs from goal. Why can't I just stick it out already? Well, I do have the twin toddlers, I work full-time, I have several weekly meetings, field service, studying for meetings, a husband, a needy mom...yeah, yeah, yeah, the list goes on. I know I have alot of responsibilities, that goes without saying, but I have to edge myself in there somewhere. It does take alot of prep to low carb as well. Takes time to prepare all of the meals. When low carbing, you can't stop anywhere and pick up a meal if you didn't prepare or didn't feel like it. Oy, so excuses can come quite liberally, but it doesn't change the fact that I am unhappy with my appearance and I'm not feeling all that good either.

Well, since I am not Superwoman, I know that I am going to have to look for support! I really want to get to goal, so I am willing to pray for it. I will be praying to keep myself on track and I will also be staying with my support group at LCF. I really want to do strict LCF and workout through the convention. The week of the convention, I will go shopping for the dresses that I will wear and go from there. If I am consistent and sticking to plan, I should be able to drop at least 15 lbs by the time assembly comes around. I may not know exactly what I weigh right now, but I think 15 lbs will make a big difference in how my clothes are fitting now. I hate to get all wrapped up in the scale thing because it really doesn't clearly represent what I have achieved. I will weigh on 7/10 just so I know where I am.

So anyways, I hope to get going on Atkins 72' by Tuesday. I have given myself a full week just low carbing to get my reacclimated, so it's time to move on to the next stage.

Still On the Journey

2008-06-07T22:13:00.002-05:00

Well, I haven't been able to post lately, but I still have been on plan. I am not going to say that I am doing Induction because I am not. Right now, I am just low carbing. I think this worked pretty well for me because I didn't get that blasted headache that I get alot of times when I restart.

I am not happy with the way that I am looking though. I wore jogging pants to work tonight and I don't like it. I really do feel fat all over again. It's a horrible feeling, especially when you know how much work you've put in. Sometimes I get discouraged because I don't feel that I have the fight in me anymore that is necessary to get to goal. I know that I want it so badly, but still that just isn't enough. Apparently not or I wouldn't have been within 20 lbs of goal and stopped. I so wanted to look nice for the convention this year, but I betcha that just like last year, I am going to weigh around 185. I just can't seem to get and stay away from that number, so that is probably where I will be. Only time will tell.

Okay, so right now I am just low carbing and not doing Induction. I would like to get started on Atkin's 72 induction on either Monday or Tuesday. I will keep low carbing so that I can at least maintain and not gain anymore. I still plan to implement all of my tools for success, it's just taking me a little time to get in step. I know that I will reach my goal and I know that I will not give up. I just want to get there because I am tired of how much time this is taking out of my life. Just too long. Probably in retrospect, I really wish I had went the WW route because I feel like this is going to be hard to maintain. I will have to come up with a plan because once I get to goal, I never want to be fat again.

I've learned a lot throughout this journey and before it is over, I am sure that I will learn alot more.

Day 1: So far, Okay

2008-06-04T22:04:00.003-05:00

Well, today was my first day and it is going okay. Little hodge podge. I haven't completely decided if I am going to do Atkins 72 or not. Little discouraged by it because I did so good and then completely stopped. It's pretty strict. I think of it as a middle ground between KK and the newer Atkins. At first I really thought it would be great, but when I stalled like that, I don't know that I feel the same. Well, I am not really going to worry about that right now. Today is more about making sure that I get my mind right and ready for low carbing. I am feeling a terrible bloat right now from my binging over the past several days. I can't wait until that goes away. What I want to try to do is be mindful of the way that I am feeling offplan so that I can really appreciate how I am feeling on plan. I don't know that I have ever really made that connection and perhaps that will help me see the importance of staying on plan. Any little bit that helps. :)

I think step 1 in staying on plan is on target. My mind is set and I am ready to stay on plan. Good for me. My plan is to just keep building on top of that to succeed. Kinda like momentum. I know that in order for me to reach my goal, I have got to be consistent and not give in to temptation. In the old KK days, I did not cheat and that is why I was able to lose weight so quickly and effectively. I believe I can have similar results if I continue on without cheating and keeping my mindset on course.

I have decided to stick to low carb, but still haven't decided which plan I am going to follow. I know that I need to figure that out, however, I think that a large part of the battle has been won with just getting started and being determined to low carb.

Exercise, I plan to start tomorrow. I think I can get the most for my efforts by combining intervals and weight training. Since I am trying to yield results by the convention in 6 weeks, I need to punch it, but not too much. I really don't want to push myself too hard. I will just end up burning out and that is not what I want. I so want to put myself somewhere in the middle where I am practicing something that is sustainable that can be my lifestyle. While I am not sure that I will low carb my whole life, I do feel like I started my journey LC and I want to finish it this way. We will just see.

Supplements, bad me today. I did not get my supplements in, but I will be sure to take my supplements tomorrow. Dr. Atkins really talked about how important it is to take supplements, so I really want to do better in that area.

Support, well, I think that I found a nice group of ladies over at the LCF board. They seem to be really nice and I hope that I am able to connect with them. It is still very new. There is one lady there that I met on another thread a few months back, so that is nice.

Consistency, I feel like I am definitely on the right path. I'm trying to get my mind trained to just keep going. Realize that each day that I do what I'm supposed to, I am building on what I did the day before, soon to be the week or month before. I am not focusing on perfection, because I am not perfect, however, I do feel like it is important to do the best job that I can to get REAL results.

So, that was day 1. Tomorrow is another day and my opportunity to build on what I started today.

I'm At It Again!!!!

2008-06-03T09:45:00.008-05:00

That's right! I'll never give up until I reach my goal then I realize that after that, I will still have work to do to Keep It Off! I will reach goal and I plan to do it before this year ends. I have a plan - My Key to Success!

1) Mindset - Unless I have wrapped my mind around the plan, I can forget it. Once I get my mind set, I'm on my way!

2) Low Carb Plan - I have my definitive plan in mind - Atkins, and I plan to stick to that plan through the end.

3) Supplements - When I lost before, the focus was just on losing, nothing else. I have to do this smarter.

4) Exercise - A major part of success, plus I love to do it, plus it will help me to build the body that I desire. Good thing!

5) Support - This is very important because unfortunately this is quite a lengthy journey and when I get tired, I need support. I am searching for a group that I can connect with and feel on the same page. Haven't been able to find such a group since the old Turbo days. :) I will find my support group.

6) Consistency - This is the key to success in almost everything I try. I have to be consistent to see the fruits of all of my work.

So, I feel like I have all the tools for success, implementing the tools is the rough part. If even 1 of the 6 tools are missed, I will not succeed and so I am going to be working hard on this. I hope to get started tomorrow. Today was supposed to be the first day, but it just didn't happen.

My District Convention is July 11th and while it is very important to me to lose some weight by then, the major goal is to look and feel better indefinitely!

"My Plan for Success to Looking My Best" starts 6/4/08!

The Most Wonderful Thing about Being a Woman is...

2008-05-13T12:06:00.004-05:00

You can change your mind ALOT. :)

Well, my hubby was going through the refrigerator and we found 7 bags of shredded cheese 5 or 6 cream cheeses and cream. At first I was just going to give it away until I realized how much money that was. Since we aren't going anywhere on May 30th, and there is no way I am going to reach goal by May 30th, I just decided that I am going to clear out my fridge of all those things first and then I will revisit Atkins 72'. I knew that I had went shopping before starting Atkins 72', but I didn't realize that so much cheese would go to waste. I was shopping for 2 weeks, but didn't realize that my husband would completely go off plan and that I would start Atkins 72. So, I typically don't gain when I am doing regular Atkins, I just don't lose. So I hope that it continues that way and that I don't gain anything this month. All of this cheese and stuff should be gone by the end of the month and then we can move forward. Possibly for the month of June, I will start Atkin's 72 again. Maybe I will do Biggest Loser next month.

I didn't weigh this morning. I asked hubby to hide the scale. I will go ahead and weigh on the 15th. Even though the scale hasn't went down for a bit, I am looking alot slimmer. It seems like when I gain, the weight goes straight for my abs and below. So I can definitely see that area slimming and my thighs are looking slimmer as well.

Well, I was really bummed out today, because I thought I had found the perfect house for us. I mean the price was right and the house actually had Mother and Law Quarters in it. I even drove by it last night to check out the neighborhood, only to find out this morning that there is a contract pending on the house. I was so letdown. My husband tried to tell me not to let it get me down to much and that another opportunity will come along. I prayed to Jehovah about it and had pretty much resolved in my mind that if it did not work out that it probably shouldn't, but I'm still a little bummed out about it. I know that something will come along that will workout for us. I know it will. Just like so many other things, we have to be patient. It really would have been something if that would have worked out. We haven't even really been looking that long. I guess as the saying goes, "Good things come to those who wait". I think that applies to housing, my weight loss and so many other things in life. I'll get there and I believe that I will be pleased with the results if I work for it, but don't force it. Just wait it out.

Boo Hoo Hoo - Cry Me a River

2008-05-12T13:41:00.004-05:00

Am I a boo hooer or what? I was so peeved when I got on the scale this morning to see 182.4 again. The scale has been playing the 181.2 or 182.4 thing lately and it is driving me up a wall. I was so mad about it, I went and posted on a site inquiring about it. Not sure why since I have been low carbing for a long time and know about all of the many ups and downs of low carbing. I think it made me so mad because it is like it came to a complete HALT!!! For one minute, I am barreling along and then nothing. It was just hard, especially when I feel like I am doing everything right.

Also, I am so thankful for my old KK journal. I was reading through it a bit because I remember that I hit a wall kinda in the beginning on that plan as well. Apparently, the first time I tried KK, I stayed at 220 for 9 days and so I quit. Then when I did KK the next time, I stayed at 220 for 8 days at least. Then inexplicably, I dropped 5 lbs. So, I don't know. I guess that is just the way that you lose weight. Never a steady stream except in the beginning. In the old KK days, we called it a WHOOSH or knocking down the dominoes. However many days that you are not losing, as long as you are on plan, you are stacking dominoes and then a WHOOSH is sure to come. I just have to hold on and wait. I know that I am eating according to plan. I was just frustrated. Since I am getting so frustrated though, I believe that I am going to ask my hubby to hide the scale until my weigh in day on the 15th. If I weigh the same on the 15th though, I am pretty sure that I am going to be MAD, but I am doing everything right and everything within my power to move things along. My assumption is that I am losing inches along with way.

I am definitely a pear, so in order to get into the 170's, I guess I have to lose more weight on my lower body. Until I lose that weight on my lower body, I probably won't budge on the scale. Again, I just hate that I let my body get comfortable in the 180's and now I have to fight so hard to get out of them. I can NEVER let this happen again. NEVER! It is just too much work physcially and mentally to lose weight. I wish that I had never given up the fight and I would surely be at goal by now. I am definitely thankful that I didn't gain it all back, but still frustrated that in a few weeks, it will be basically a whole year that I have been doing LC and with all my off plan time, I am still not at goal. Not really even close. I wish I had found Atkins 72' after KK, it would have been so much easier and I am positive that I wouldn't be 182.4 today.

So, I've boo hooed and cried my river for the day, but ready to move on and not give up. I am stacking dominoes right now and hopefully just like before, once all of this over, I will drop 5+ lbs like I did before. That's the dream. :)

Taking One Day at a Time

2008-05-11T17:03:00.005-05:00

Well, today, there was no change on the scale. Just pushing forward anyhow and hoping for the best. I have 4 days until my actual weigh in day so I hope that things start moving along a little bit better. The weight loss has slowed dramatically. I think that I lost 10 lbs within 7 days, so that means that over the past 4 days, I've only lost 2 or so, so I hope that things start moving a little better. It's certainly possible that when I went out Friday night that some sugar was in those hot wings or the dipping sauce and if so that may explain why things have slowed down so much. Ketostix don't tell me much, so I can't look to that. But I may have to try to get into ketosis all over again. I was a little hungry this morning, so who knows?

I am still going to push myself hard in hopes to reach the goal I have made for myself this month. I don't really have the same motivation since we are not going away, but we are going out to dinner. I think I really need to find a nice dress to wear so that I can look really nice that nice. Something to look forward to. Maybe it can be a dress that I already have that is a little snug that will probably fit better by the end of the month. I just can't believe that it is already the 11th. That means that I have exactly 20 days until the end of the month. Given that I lost 10 lbs in 7 days, it is possible that I can accomplish alot. I don't think that I have shrunk enough to be in the 170's yet. At least my body doesn't think so. My mother suggests eating more fish and that may be a route that I have to go ultimately, but since I am not a HUGE fish fan, I will wait on that a bit. I think the main thing is I don't quite know how to prepare it, but probably if I find some good recipes, it will taste good.

This morning before the meeting, I did Biggest Loser workout - Low Intensity Cardio. It was tough AGAIN, but that is good. I like to be challenged and I know that Challenge=Change. So I push myself, but those lunges and squats seem to go on forever.

So I am at work on break, but it is about over. I've brought chicken that I panfried, pork rinds and revolution bread to eat throughout the course of the day. Hopefully I am doing all the right things to reach my goal for the month. Only time will tell.

It's a little later on in the day (8:30 p.m.) and I'm feeling a tad discouraged. While I can certainly tell that I am leaning out very well, it's disheartening to know that I am 180 lbs again. I have fought this battle already and here I am fighting it again. That along with the fact that I really, really want some french fries and some chocolate. I hate that I am feeling this way. I am only 11 days into the month, but it doesn't change the fact that I am feeling this way. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is a new day.

Doing the Atkins Shuffle

2008-05-10T16:07:00.006-05:00

Wow, I am just loving this. As of this morning, I am down another 1.2 lbs!!! So now I am at 181.2. Knocking at the door of the 170's. I am so excited. I just hope that things continue going so well. Calling it the Atkins shuffle because this weight is just movin on out! :) Other than that today has been a pretty sourpuss day. I just get so frustrated with Mya. I hate getting that frustrated with her, but today I just sat in the middle of the floor and cried. She just gets into everything. I don't even want to think about the disgusting dirty diaper episode the other day. It's just too much and to now know that I don't even get to go anywhere at the end of the month is just too much. I am just so tired. I really needed the few days, but alas it is not going to happen. It's just so hard because I work really hard to be a good mother and a good wife, but a person can only take so much. I feel that anger coming back again and I just can't put my family through that again. We've gotta figure something out.

The bad part is I had such a nice night last night. This Friday was "My Friday", so I decided to hang out last night with a few sisters from my hall. We met at Applebee's and had a really nice time. I ordered some hot wings and really enjoyed it. We picked Applebee's because it is the type of place that everyone can order whatever works for them. Like I said, I ordered hot wings, one ordered salmon and rice and the other ordered steak with a baked potato. All of us enjoyed our food and after eating we sat around and talked for a few hours. It was really nice and now that I think about it, it has been a long long time since I did that. I haven't had the opportunity to hang out seems like since the girls have been born. Maybe that is my problem, I need to have more social interaction and get out. It looks like going on more than 1 day excursion is out of the question for awhile, at least until the girls get older, so Stan and I are going to have to take a date night out for ourselves EVERY MONTH without fail. We need to go out and have a good time. Make a full evening of it. Many at the hall have volunteered to watch the girls while we go out, so it's there, we just have to actually do it. I think that is going to be really, really important for our sanity and to keep our marriage strong. Stan is so sweet, he knew I was very stressed out today, so he brought me a rose to my job. He is such a nice guy. I consider myself fortunate to be married to him. :)

Last nite, I mentioned to one of the sisters that we were going to be moving in the next 3-6 months, but interested in doing a lease-purchase. She said, "Oh a house next door to me was a for sale and now they have put it up for lease". So I followed her to her house after dinner last night and looked at the property. Given it was 10:30 at night and dark, but what I saw so far was nice. It has a nice sunroom on the back that just seems soo awesome. Okay fast forward....I just spoke with the realtor and this house will not work. We need a bedroom in the LL and this does not have one. So bummer, it would have nice to have neighbors next door that we know and also the SUNROOM! But oh well. That is not the house for us, but there will be others. There are TONS of homes for sale in the area that we want to live. We will get there and get the house that works for us!

So anyways, I am still focused and looking forwarding to reaching this high goal that I have set for myself. My mother mentioned to me yesterday that mid-june is our family renuion. I was thinking that I could have quite a bit of my weight off by then, especially if I am able to come close to my goal this month. I hate that I am kicking and scraping to get back into the 170's. It's so depressing, but I guess the main thing is to continue until I get there and pass it. I didn't get a chance to workout today or yesterday, but I plan to get up before the meeting and get my workout in tomorrow.

So, I say "Adieu" to this day. I have emailed all of my fellow weight loss net buds and have heard from none of them. I hope that everyone is okay. Morton, Miguel, Tawn, Karen and Mary, if you read this and you are out there, GIVE ME A YELL!

Moving Along on Atkins 72'

2008-05-09T09:29:00.003-05:00

Well, according to the scale this morning, I am still at 182.4. No biggie because I have been losing so well this morning. When this happens, it forces and/or gives me an opportunity to look at my eating and see if there is anything that I need to tweak to keep things moving. So, I need to make sure that I revisit what I planned to put in place in order to reach my goal:

- Tons of water (no water weight is going to hold me back)
- Stick to my workout plan (try to change the shape of my body along the way and assasinate some calories. Besides who wants flab?)
- Try best to stick with proteins and fats only.
- Eat more some day, less other days to keep my body guessing.
- Eat mostly chicken and fish.
- Continue to limit cheese.

My goal this week is to lose 8 lbs. We will see. If I lost nearly 12 the first week, it is plausible. It's a darn shame, but I want to prove Kimmer a liar in another way. She claims that she has the fastest weight loss plan EVER! On my best month, I lost 26 lbs in one month. Given, I am alot smaller now than I was then, but I would love to lose 27 lbs and say "You Liar, I lost 27 pounds on Atkins." You know, even if I make it to 26.2 lbs I will say she is a complete liar and will probably make it part of my siggy. I really hope to make it, but that is like 15 more lbs in 22 days. We will just have to see. I will work hard for it and NOT starve myself in the process. I'm thinking that even if I don't make it, but lose like 22 lbs instead, I will still say that I lost 22 lbs in 1 month and didn't have to starve myself. :)

So anyways, that is my plan. In order to reach this lofty goal, I will have to lose like 8 lbs. this week and 7 lbs the next. Time will tell.

I WISH I'd Known

2008-05-08T10:18:00.006-05:00

I had no idea that Atkins 72 was the superior plan to the newest plan. I should have known though. Many years ago, my mom followed Atkins 72 and lost so much weight. She looked sooo good. But anyways, I remember that she was following the 72 version and I remember she lost it very quickly. It seems like everyday I lose a lb and if I don't lose 1 day, I lose 2 the next day. It's amazing!!! As of this morning, I am down another 1.4 lbs! I am at 182.4!!!! That brings my losses to almost 12 lbs in just about 1 week. I believe a few months back in 1 week I lost 12 lbs, but that was not after a reached a "plateau" or "set point", so I am very, very excited about my weight loss. If I continue at this unbelievable rate, I can definitely be at goal by the assembly this July. That will be so wonderful! If I am at goal by July, I will have the rest of July, August and some of September to wear shorts and feel good about myself. Wow, I can't wait.

Now, the focus is my hubby. He still has so much weight to lose. Since I am doing so well on Atkins 72, now he is expressing interest in the plan. I dunno though. He doesn't want to read the book, but I think that is really important. He needs to read the book, understand the science behind it and understand why it is so important that he stick to the plan and not cheat. I think it will help him to stay on track. I really want him to lose the weight. I want us to look good together. Good and healthy. My husband is very attractive, but the excess weight makes him look older and I know he would feel so much better about himself if he does. Especially now that I am thinner, I think he feels a little self-conscious about his weight. He puts alot of emphasis on food and how good it tastes. That is why I supported him when he decided to go the WW route because if food and how good it tastes is important to you, maybe that would be a great plan, however, he couldn't quite stick with that either. He says that he does better when we are on the same plan, so we will just have to see.

It doesn't look like we are going to be able to go anywhere this month. I really thought that my sister would chime in and help us out so we could go away for a few days. However, she is so self-absorbed and ridiculous right now that she wasn't interested. That is okay. No matter how much we were looking forward to it, we will get along. We will go out to dinner on the 30th though. I really want to be able to wear a slammin dress. If I make it to 168 or something, which is certainly plausible, I could be looking really nice. I think we will probably go to Outback or something where I can have a wonderful steak and veggies. That will be sooooo wonderful. Oh yeah, back to the clothes. I want to wear a nice dress. I will try to find a dress that will really show my weight loss. That will be awesome!

Today is a workout day. I will be doing my Biggest Loser workout. I don't know if I will do the weights one or just do the Low Intensity Cardio again. I have put the other Biggest Loser workouts in our Netflix queue, so those will be coming soon to add some more variety. Bob sure does work you hard, but that is good. My Last Chance workouts!

Well, today has been another successful weightloss day. I just talked to my mom about it and she remembered how much she lost and how well she lost on that plan. She says she easily knocked off 25-30 lbs in one month. She didn't cheat and she had alot of success. Wow, if I could follow what she did, I could be at 166 by the end of this month possibly. I am certainly on the right track for it right now. Whew! This is all so exciting. Ketostix are showing small to moderate, but I'm still losing steadily so I am not going to worry about it. I didn't really know about the effectiveness of Atkins 72, but I know it now and so happy that I have found it!

Oh Happy Day!

2008-05-07T08:24:00.009-05:00

Yeah, it's a happy day! I am grinning from ear to ear!!!! This is one of those instances where it is okay to be wrong. Apparently, my theory isn't totally accurate. This morning the scale read 183.8!!! I had to get on the scale a few times to check on that. 183.8???!! That means I am under the dreaded 185 in just a matter of days! Wow! I can't believe it. Had to bring out my little dancing guy. I've missed him.

Seriously though, I cannot believe that I sailed on through that "set point". I wonder is a set point real then? I wonder if since I have already passed this weight several times if my body is just skating on through? The only other thing that I can think of is perhaps since I lost and gained the same weight so many times that I have a new set point. Maybe 180? Who knows? I am not going to question it too much because I am ecstatic about it!!! It would be kewl if I could skate on through to 160'ish. We'll just have to wait and see. I still have over 20 days before May 30th.

I haven't been keeping track of what I am eating, but I do eat. Last night I had a steakuum sandwich and it was very very good. I ate 2 parmesan chicken sandwiches at work. For breakfast I ate some breakfast custard. Matter of fact, I am having that right now. It tastes pretty good and easy to take to work. Anyways, right now, I am just riding the wave and enjoying as much of it as I can. I know that I can do this. From watching Biggest Loser, I realize that there really is no limit to what I can lose in any given timeframe. I don't expect to lose like they did on the show, they were supervised and probably exercising for hours everyday which I can't do, nor do I really want to. But it does tell me that if I have the tools and the drive, I can reach my goal. I know it is really easy to be optimistic now when I am practically averaging 2 lbs per day, but why not enjoy it? Why not bask in my excitement. I've lost over 10 lbs in less than a week. That merits alot of excitement. Every pound that I lose gets me closer to my goal of wearing shorts this summer and feeling good in them. Once I get back to 166, I'll probably feel comfortable wearing shorts. So the goal is to get there.

I know the shape and composition of my body has changed since I am older now and have had children, but I remember being the bomb at 155. I remember that I was 155 when I did a class at Bally's. All I had on was biking shorts and a sports bra and I really looked great. That is the last time I remember going out in public with those type of clothes on. When I get there again, I am going to put something similar on and take a picture. Proof of what I have achieved in my 30's.

Well, I guess that is about it right now. Can't believe how close I am to the 170's. In less than 5 lbs, I can be in the 170's!!! I am serious this time, I want out of this loop and never to come back again. I want to always stay under 160. It is quite a happy day. Indeed!

Focused and Ready to Lose!

2008-05-06T08:30:00.004-05:00

Well, I was pleasantly surprised when I got on the scale this morning and it said 185.0!!! Woo Hoo! I thought it was going to be next week sometime before I saw that staring back at me! This even before I started my new plan with workouts and everything! I am so excited! This really makes me optimistic about reaching and possibly exceeding my goal for this month. Originally, I was shooting for 175, but since that is only 10 lbs away and I still have over 20 days, I'm gonna aim higher. Why not? Gives me something to aim for so that I won't get lazy along with way.

I was thinking, how awesome would it be to reach the 160's by then. I know that I'm asking alot, but I would love that. If I by some weird twist I got to 166, I would be back at my highest loss which is 75 lbs. That would really be something! I am going to aim for it. Aim for 166. I realize that is like 19 more lbs, but even if I get close, I have accomplished alot in just 1 month and really tells me that by the time my convention comes around, I could have accomplished some great things. I could be at goal by the convention which is July 11-13 this year. I just want to look slim and toned and healthy. That's what this journey is all about. And not just getting there, but staying there. Being a good healthy example to my daughters.

I don't know if it was the 194 that flashed up on the scale or what, but on May 1st, I couldn't even force myself to eat and ever since then, I have just been completely focused and determined to continue on. Yesterday my family went to Taco Bell and got dinner. TB's empanadas are so good to me, plus the girls got quesadilla's and you know it didn't even tempt me. I think what happened was is I got comfortable. I had lost a nice amount of weight, getting compliments and I think I just got lazy, but when I saw that 194, I woke up real quick. It was also the way that I was feeling, slouchy and lazy. Wasn't dressing as nice or putting on makeup like I had been. It's okay now. I'm back on track and ready to lose, lose, lose and get to goal.

I got up at 5:15 this morning so that I could get my workout in. Since I have decided that this month is going to be my own BIGGEST LOSER month, I decided to workout with Bob. I think he is such a cutie and has such a great personality. I enjoyed the workout alot. It was alot tougher than I thought that it would be and I did the LOW intensity cardio. I'm a little afraid of what I am in for on the HIGH intensity day. Yikes! Anyways, my plan is to workout 6 days per week until the end of the month. I only wanted to workout 5-6 days per week anyway, but I've decided that Wednesday's are going to be my day off. I already get up at 5:15 a.m. anyway to get the girls to daycare. I can't quite stomach getting up at 4:xx to workout, so I will be leaving off Wednesdays. The workouts are short, like 30 minutes including the warmup and cool-down, but they pack quite a punch. I'm viewing them as my "Last Chance Workouts" and really pushing myself to put my all into it. So far, so good. I am feeling pretty good so far. Just drinking and trying to keep my proteins high and carbs low.

I'm going to make it. I am going to wear shorts this summer while the weather is hot. I really love that show the Biggest Loser. I never really watched it until this year. I caught some older episodes on Style channel or something and really found it so interesting that these people were losing these vast amounts of weight, week after week. That really helped me to get motivated and get going. I know the way and I know that it is certainly possible to lose a nice amount of weight. I just have to commit and not be sidetracked. I will get there! I am Focused and Ready To Lose!!!!

I've decided....

2008-05-05T10:53:00.002-05:00

I'm not going to just sit there and take it. My body says "You are going to have to stay at 185 or higher for at least a week" and I am just going to take it! No, I don't think so. If that does happen, it won't be because I haven't worked hard. I am going to fight it. Here's my plan:

- Continue to stick with proteins and fats only.

- No diet pop or sugar free lemonade, water only!

- Workout - walking and resistance. No heavy weights right now.

- Lots of water!

- No cream cheese and try to limit cheese.

- Stick with primarily chicken. I have plenty of it!

- Pork rinds for the crunchy and salty need.

So that is my plan right now. If my body is happy at 185 or above, I am going to make it very hard to stay! I am going to make this my own personal Biggest Loser contest.

Elementary....It's All Elementary

2008-05-05T09:25:00.010-05:00

Just as I suspected, the scale did not budge this morning. Yep, I've been at the low carb game long enough to figure out exactly how it works. Even though I've figured out this much, I still don't really have an idea how long it will take me to getunder 185. I know it will be at least 1 week, but it's going to be a real bummer if it is much longer than that. But what can I do?

Still on plan. Yesterday was bacon, eggs and 2 pieces of the Revolution Roll is really good. Then later on I had a turkey burger with mayo and bacon on Revolution Roll. It was really very good. All legal foods and I think I won't have a problem with that. I still don't feel like I am in ketosis which I don't quite understand. I thought that you go into ketosis after being on plan for 48 hours. I forgot to test this morning. I got really hungry yesterday, so I don't think I am. Plus, I am kinda hungry right now. I can't really remember if I was hungry during KK or if I just ignored it. I think I remember ignoring it and then after the awhile the hunger would go away. But on Atkins he doesn't want you to feel hungry so I dunno. One thing I do know is that I would like for the scale to move and not take all day about it.

Typically, I buy the pork rinds from Aldi's or Save-alot and I really like them, but last night I had ran out and went to Schnucks to get a bag and they only had the Bakenets brand which was $2.09 YUCK! Anyways, I bought them and really didn't like them. I like my pork rinds to be crispy, those were kinda soft and had a texture I can't really describe. Maybe I got a bad bag or something. Who knows, but long and short is, I am going to make sure I get mine at the cheap store where they are .99 a bag and crispy like I like them.

So far so good. Not a whole lot of cravings and right now I have the eye of the tiger. I am extremely determined to get to goal and that feels good. I don't think I've had this same determination since the old KK days. I have been wavering for quite a while, just going back and forth, but that is not even in my head. Quitting is not even an option. I'm so tired of this cycle I don't know what to do. Plus, Atkins 72 is much more sustainable than KK or Stillmans. I am not really sure of the results because I've not really seen this plan in action outside of getting me back to where I was, which I was able to do that on the old plan so that's no biggie. I am aiming to lose weight clearly, so we will just have to see how that goes. I guess I could go to the LCF Atkins 72 forum and see how their losses are going for a little bit of an idea. I just can't imagine that it would be too difficult. I am eating virtually no carbs and not a horrible amount of calories. We will just have to see I guess. 4 Days under my belt CHEAT FREE! I'm on a roll.

Facing...

2008-05-04T09:13:00.008-05:00

Well, according to the scale this morning, I am at 187.6, so I have lost a few ounces, but that is it. This is the smallest loss since starting on the 1st. This pretty much tells me that this is my actual weight because the last weight that I remember was 187.2. My experience over the past year with low carbing is this: You may gain very quickly if you go off plan, but if you back on plan very quickly you can lose all of that weight and get back to where you started. If however, you stay off plan for an extended period of time, that weight sticks and then you are stuck with trying to get it all off again. Basically the weight that got me up to 194 was water weight or something that I could easily lose. You can lose about down to where you were, plus interest, so since I was 187.2 before, my interest is the .4 lbs which I guess isn't really that bad. If my theory is correct, the scale isn't going to budge much if at all for awhile. Probably a week or better. It will be a week or better before I get under 185 I am pretty sure. I have to actually change size to get under 185 and my body doesn't want to. That is why I could just kick myself for letting myself get and stay over 185 for a period of time.

So anyways, everyday I will probably be mad. Gripe and complain even though I am almost positive that I know what will happen. Once I get under 185, I don't think that I have another set point until 166, so that is the good news. I just have to stay on plan and hope that I can get past this 185. I wonder if there is anything that I can do to help it along. I know that lifting weights may help with size, but I don't think it is going to do much for the scale. I can try to drink alot of water so that I can make sure that I am not holding on to any fluid. Really other than that, I am not aware of anything else that I can do. I am pretty much going to stick with eating as much protein as possible. Right now, no veggies even. That may help. Yesterday, I made some revolution rolls and they were really good on a chicken sandwich with cheddar, mayo and bacon. Very flavorful. I made the rolls with mayo, so it was completely made out of allowable foods. The book can be kinda confusing at times because it says "No cheese but hard cheese, no cream cheese or spreads", but then the Revolution rolls has cottage cheese in it? So anyways, I subbed mayo for the cottage cheese and they turned out fine. I am going to make another batch today. Pretty much I ate a chicken sandwich for lunch and pork rinds on the side. Pork rinds kinda subbed as chips so it was actually pretty good. I also had a few pickles, but as I understand that is okay, but in all actuality, I will lose those pickles in a heartbeat if I feel it will interfere with me getting under 185. I should probably lose it anyway because it could be potential. My main goal right now is to get under 185 and I know that my body is going to fight me tooth and nail over it, so I better not give it any excuses.

Okay, so the plan is to eat mostly protein, drink tons of water and NO CHEATING! I know that I can do it. This isn't nearly as strict as KK and I stuck to that for 4.5 months with only 1 off meal that I recall, so I know I can. Only eat a salad if I have to. My main reason for that is not because of no carbs but because I have a hard time finding dressings that I like. You can only eat 1 cup loosely packed anyways, so what's the point. I know in the book he says that biologically in 99% of the people, it doesn't make a difference, but like I said, unless I can find good dressings with no sugar, I don't see the point. If Stan and I go out to dinner, I probably will, but not before.

I was thinking that I was going to follow the plan until my trip, but I was thinking about it on the way home from work last night. If I do that it will simply put me in a loop of 166-185 all over again. I am really tired of that cycle. I may just have to find a way to stick to plan even while I am on my long weekend. Kind of a bummer, but well worth it if I don't have to see the 180's again. This time around, I think I have learned my lesson. I have been in this same loop for far too long and I am really ready to get out. There is a girl on the group and her ticker says 154. When I saw that I was like "That is sooooo where I should be now. Not sitting here in the 180's." I got lazy and comfortable and because of that I haven't made any progress.

So that is my plan. Like I said yesterday, I probably will not stick with low carbing for life, but since I started it that way, I will try to end it that way. I actually want to finish something that I start. I could have easily reached my goal by May 30th, but I didn't put the work in that I had to and here I stand. That's over now. - IT'S GO TIME!

Things seem to be moving along

2008-05-03T09:31:00.001-05:00

Well, according to the scale this morning, I am 188.2. So, I am definitely headed in the right direction. I know that I need to stay off of the blasted scale, but it is like an obsession right now. I just have to get under 185. That is so important to me. Even more important is not getting over that number again. I can't believe that I was sooo very close. I was at 166!! Now, I am over 20 lbs heavier than that and past a set point that my body doesn't want to pass.

I remember earlier this year I decided that I was going to take more of a lackadaisical approach to my goal. I think I did it a little too much. I got a little bit too comfortable and because of that I am much heavier than I want to be and summer is practically here. I think I am just tired of trying to lose weight. I hate that I gained so much that losing weight is taking up so much of my life. I am obsessed with it now and probably will be for the rest of my life unless I find a lifestyle plan. I am pretty sure that Atkins 72 is not the lifestyle plan that I want. I don't want to live my life in ketosis, NO WAY! It is so easy to get knocked out of ketosis. If I do low carb, which I am pretty sure that I won't, I will do something like Protein Power where I don't have to be in ketosis. I don't mind low carb eating, matter of fact, I love most of the recipes, it just takes a lot of preparation and it's not great when you want to go out to eat.

Well, last night was family night, so we took the girls to a fair that was going on down the street. I think they had a nice time. After that we went to BK. They love the chicken crowns so we went there and they had a really nice time. Took pics, it was nice. Since Stan is not on plan, he ate whatever he wanted. I on the other hand was on plan. What I ate was a triple stacker with bacon and mayo. It was actually pretty good. BK burgers are really good and flavorful, so since I ate that, I really didn't feel deprived or anything. Sure, I would have liked some fries or something. Plus the cookies and cookie dough pie that my family was eating looked good. BUT nothing that they were eating could overturn how gross and fat that I feel right now, so I resisted. I am glad that I did because now I am down almost 6 pounds and I am very happy about that.

However, it is not lost upon me that the 3 things that I said I would stay away from are the very things that I ate last night - Hamburger, American cheese and mayo. Oh well, I will just see how it works. Having a fear of food just makes this way of eating too hard. I don't want to make this any harder than it has to be, but at the same time, I don't want to be wasting my time and money. What I would like ultimately is to be able to make the choice what I would like to eat. If I want to eat low carb meals one day - Fine. If I don't the next day - Fine! If I am following WW, then I have that option. I can eat whatever I would like, just count the points. That seems to be so much more livable. It is my choice if I want to make healthy choices or not. I think by the time I come back from our "Long Weekend" I can make a choice and stick with it. I have got to move on with my weight loss journey. Here we are practically 6 months into the new year and I am stilll overweight and still unhappy.

Well, on to bigger and better things. I am pretty excited about our long weekend at the end of the month. This is a pretty special time. May 30, 1998 was the date that I met Stan. So it will really be nice to be celebrating around this time. That knucklehead has been in my life for 10 years. I love him to pieces and so happy to have met him. I want this time to be nice. It would be great if I was at my goal weight as well because I believe I got restarted on my weight loss goal either May 30th or 31st of last year. It would be so nice if I had achieved my goal, but since that is impossible, I will just shoot for 175. At this point, it is like 13 lbs away and very achievable. If I remain consistent, I believe I can do it. Never know though, when I was looking at my old KK journal, I stayed at 185 for such a long long time. I just don't know. I am going to try my best not to let that ruin my trip if that does happen. To be so close.

Still don't quite know where we are going. We were planned on going to Vegas, but with the cost of flights and our budget right now, I don't think we are going to be able to go there. We will probably end up going to Ozarks. Our old standby when we can't go anywhere else. Well, even if we do end up going to the Ozarks, we will be sure to go somewhere nice for our anniversary this year. We will start putting back money to go somewhere nice as soon as we get back from this vacation. I just can't believe this economy. It's horrible. Makes it so hard for the average family especially if you weren't doing so hot before all of this started.

So, I am just going to take 1 day at a time. I will probably keep weighing daily so that I can try to keep a handle on things. At least until I go on vacation. I am so looking forward to vacation. Boy oh Boy! I love my girls, but it will be nice to have at least 2 consecutive days where I don't have to hear their whining and fussing. I love the new things they learn all of the time and how intelligent they are, but the 2's are terrible indeed.

Well, I guess that is it for today. So many things on my mind that each day's entry could certainly be a book. But I will end it right here.

Figuring it all out

2008-05-02T12:46:00.002-05:00

I tell ya, I can't think of any other weight loss effort in my life where so much has got to be figured out. It's mind-boggling. Yesterday ended up being a fast I didn't put a single bite in my mouth. I think I was in such disbelief of the scale yesterday, I just couldn't bring myself to eat and as the day went on, I found I really wasn't hungry. Around 8 p.m, I felt a little bit of hunger creeping up, but at that point I was like, why bother. So anyways, this morning, I got up with a headache. I got on the scale and it read 191.2, so I lost a few of those pounds. Thank goodness. I just couldn't stand the fact of being sooooo close to 200. I never ever want to look at the scale again and see 2xx staring back at me. 194 was just waaaayyyy to close for my comfort.

So far today has been interesting. The problem is I don't know exactly how to proceed. I have read the Atkins 72 book, but then when I go online I read stuff a little different from people that had success with this version. I also pulled up my old KK journal and found that cheese, mayo and hamburger seemed to stall me. So I have that floating around in my mind. I think I am in panic mode right now which is dangerous and scary for me. I feel like I am going back to that old KK thinking where I have a fear of food. But right now, I am feeling that is rightly so. If I don't have a fear of food, will I balloon up even more?

Like the Atkins 72 version says, any hard cheese, but when I read the forum they said certain cheeses like the cheese wrapped in wax. I don't really know. I just know I have a whole lot of cheese here right now that I bought when following the newer version and not sure what to do with all of it. I am pretty much going to steer clear of American cheese slices. I just want to succeed. It really felt bad yesterday to realize that I really haven't had much success since ending the horrible KK plan. Will I ever get to goal? Should I give up on Low carbing? Losing weight shouldn't be this much of a battle. I understand maintaining being tough, but losing the weight? Why so much to figure out? Why so hard to find the answers? Why so easy to gain it all back?

From the mere fact that I gained 7 pounds in 3 days just tells me that I need to either do this or not. Going back and forth is getting me nowhere. I need to follow a plan that I feel that I can follow for life. I've really got to figure it all out. As of right now, I am feeling that unless this month just turns out to be awesome, I may abandon LC once and for all after I come back from my trip. May 30th will be 1 full year that I have devoted to low carbing and I still haven't reached goal. I truly feel that if I had devoted a year to WW, I may be at goal today. May have taken longer in the long run, but hopefully I would have developed better eating habits and not doing this roller coaster thing that always seems to happen with low carbing. It's too early to tell, but I am just doubtful that I want to low carb my whole life. I like to go out with my family and enjoy myself. Like tonight is supposed to be family night, but since I am eating low carb, we can't really go to a family place like Chucky Cheese or anything, because I can't eat that. I know it is what I make it, but unless I can figure out for sure how to apply this lifestyle to the entire family, it just doesn't work for me and I am not going to force it anymore.

Between now and the 30th, I would like to lose 19 lbs. Well, I guess it isn't 19 anymore since I lost a few. Now I need to lose 16 pounds I believe. So I think that if I am strict with myself, it is certainly possible. I am not afraid of putting in the hard work to achieve my goal, I just want to feel like it is achievable and that I can stay that way once I get there. I know that I have to make a committment and make it a lifestyle change. The problem is I am not so sure that low carb is the lifestyle change that I want.

It's Go Time!

2008-05-01T14:14:00.007-05:00

Well, it is a new month and a new start. Am I tired of this cycle or what? I was thinking about it today and I realized that I have not really made any progress in my weight loss journey since stopping KK. I have actually thought of returning to KK, because after a lot of time money and frustration, I am ending up FATTER! I hold my head low to type that when I stepped on the scale this morning it read 194.0. I am in disbelief. I was at a stall for probably over a week at 187.2 and when I came off plan a few days ago, it was as if my body was waiting for it so it can get me back in Twoderville. Uh-uh! No way! I'm not going to let it happen!!! I have worked too hard over the past year to let that happen. I've really accomplished a whole lot of nothing for the past several months now and it really is terrible. Just awful! Right now, I sit at my laptop dismayed. Today, I have decided to do Atkins 72, but I haven't even eaten anything yet today and it is 2:16 p.m. I almost want to just starve myself because I just feel like such a failure and like I would just be making it worse by eating.

So many people look down or frown on those of us that followed KK, thinking that it was madness for us to starve ourselves. But you can't say that unless you've experienced being fat and not able to lose. KK gave us the continual weight loss, with no hunger. Sure it was boring, sure it was unhealthy, but it WORKED! Since leaving KK, I told myself I would not go down that road again and so I won't. But, I do need strictness and I do need results, so I am going to try Atkins 72. I picked up the book a few weeks ago at a resale shop and I have been reading it. Plus there is tons of info on LCF. I've really got to do something NOW! I am so unhappy and just feel so very fat. While KK may have been unhealthy, I see nothing better with this constant gain and lose cycle that I have been on since stopping KK.

I realize that Atkins 72 may not be as fast, but from what I have read it will be alot more enjoyable and not as strict. On KK, I believe the goal was to eat as little as you can get away with whereas in Atkins 72 on page 141 he says: THE FIRST WEEK - EAT THE MOST- LOSE THE MOST!!! So I'm actually looking forward to this and really want to stick with it. I have to do this to get to goal. I realize that my journey to goal is not a race, but at this point, not only do I keep falling down, I am practically out of the race. I am going backwards and that is not acceptable at all. My last few days of KK, I had lost a total of 75 lbs. As of today, my weight loss is 47 lbs due to what I have gained back. That's practically 30 lbs!!! That's just so hard to type because I know that I worked so hard for that. The deprivation, the frustration the pushing the pulling. All of it. It's not good enough and I am prepared to make whatever changes are necessary in order to reach goal.

The end of the month will be a year that I have been on my weight loss journey. I would love to at least be at the 75 lb mark, but I fear it is not possible. Since I haven't done Atkins 72 before, I really don't know what it will do for me. I think it will be alot better than Atkins 92. I find that with Atkins 92, I can maintain but that is about it. I am not at a weight that I feel comfortable maintaining. I still need to lose. I feel that Atkins 72 lies somewhere in between Kimkins and Atkins 92 and I think that is a pretty good place for good results.

Right now, the plan is to walk 5 days per week. I haven't done it today yet, but clearly today is not going to be a perfect day. My goal is still to reach 175 by the end of the month and lose some inches. I have been doing really good with my skin, so I am really hoping that by the end of summer, I can look like a new woman and actually meet my goal. I am just so tired of the cycle I have been on. It's time!~~ It's definitely Go TIME!

Well, Gosh Darn It!

2008-04-27T19:05:00.004-05:00

I don't know how or exactly when, but I have knocked myself out of ketosis and I have been HUNNNNNNGGGGRRRRYYY!! My goodness, it has been awful. The problem lies in the fact that I work 10 hour days and I only brought so much food and it is not going to be enough, I can tell already. I am going to try my very best, but last night was Not Good and today hasn't been good either. I really don't understand what happened, but I used a ketostick this morning and it was exactly as I expected "small" or possibly "trace". I can't believe it. I have been wondering why I really hadn't been doing anything on the scale, but I attributed it to the fact that 185 is my stall area, plus TOTM reared it's ugly head, but I really don't think that is all that is going on right now. I think that it is that I am out of ketosis and eating more. Real Bummer that is!

Anyways, hubby's family came down yesterday and he is enjoying spending time with them. He came off plan and ate with them yesterday. He won't be getting back on plan until they leave which is Tuesday afternoon. It's really a shame because I am pretty sure he is going to gain most of all that he has lost, but he is determined to get back on plan, so that is good. Both of our weight losses have slowed dramatically so I guess we ate too much carbs. I have been eating only induction friendly recipes from Linda's site, but I really don't pay all that much attention to portion sizes, so I guess that will have to change. I eat cheese or cream or butter daily, but I was reading through Dr. Atkins book and he said something like those should be occasional not daily. Well, I must say that when I got restarted I didn't reread the book. I just got on the plan. I think I really need to do that!

I know that I had my exercise rotation plan set through our vacation, but things have been so hectic lately that I really have not been able to stick to it! I was so excited but it just hasn't worked out the past week or so. Started out great then started to wane a bit. I just want the next 30+ days to count. So, here we go again. I am thinking of starting a 30 day shred plan. Jillian has a workout that I hear is pretty darn tough and it is only 20 minutes. I think I can do a workout that only takes 20 minutes for the next 30 days. Just may work. I still have to get the workout, but I am thinking of trying that. I'll see and post how it worked for me.

One thing that I have done consistently, well I guess I should say for the past 4 days is take care of my skin. On 4/23 I started with Proactive and already my skin is looking clearer. I also been using an eye treatment from Avon. My co-worker that sells it said that if I do it morning and night consistently, I can see a change in about 4 weeks. I am looking forward to it and really hoping that it works. I don't think I would know what to do with myself with no bags under my eyes.

I know that I say that this is not a race, but somedays, I just wish I could just punch it into high gear and just get to goal. I can't believe that in around 30 days, it will be a whole year that I have been trying to get to goal. I am going to try really hard to stick to plan, but I am almost to the point where I am just going to try WW or something because I am just tired of trying to push low-carbing. Plus, I really am tired of the ketosis thing. I mean come on, I am eating low carb, but now I am out of ketosis, hungry and not losing. I know that it is up to me to count what I am eating, but still, it is just toooooo topsy turvy. I dunno. Summer is coming and I am still not where I want to be. I still don't really want to wear shorts out in public and we are definitely nearing shorts weather.

Well, only time will tell. I hope to look nice for our vacation next month. I'll take a few pics.

Still Going Strong!

2008-04-24T21:11:00.004-05:00

Everything is going A-okay. I have not deviated from plan, but unfortunately I am at the dreaded point on the scale that my body is very comfy. Above 185!!! I will have to pull my old KK journal, but I remember that it took me forever on KK to get beyond 185 and now I have to fight that battle all over again. For the past week, I have been playing around with the 185 number. I got to 185.2 then shot up to 186.6 and for the past few days 186.0. I know what it is though. I played around too much for too long and let my body get used to being above 185. I could tell an actual shift in my clothing when I finally got below 185 before. So my body will have to actually shift again in order for the scale to move below 185. I know this to be the case, so I guess I just have to keep at it. Stay on plan, keep doing my workouts and eventually I will get past it. I am just hoping it is before our trip next month. I don't know how long it will take because it took a really long time last time. I could just kick myself for allowing this to happen again!

Still basically doing Atkins. I know that I need to cut back on the cheese. It's just easier said than done. Cheese just makes everything taste better. If we get to the point where it is 2 weeks before vacation and my weight still hasn't budged, I guess I will switch to a plan basically of meat and eggs and possibly egg whites to keep my calories low and fat also. I don't mind tweaking my plan, I just don't ever want to go down the KK or Stillman road again.

I am 32 years old now and it is really time I start taking care of myself. There are many things about me that I am not pleased with. I shouldn't say not pleased with, I guess I should say, there are several things I would love to improve, just never got around to it. One of the areas are my skin. I just want clear skin, but won't take the time out to do the regimen daily and nightly consistently. It may stick for a week or so and my skin may improve but when I stop, I am back to square one again. So yesterday, I restarted on my Proactive regimen and I also bought some eye cream from Avon and I am going to use that each day and night and try my best to be consistent. I am challenging myself from yesterday through our trip to actually take the time that I need for myself. For my skin, for my weight and a few other things that I would like to improve. Perhaps that will be my challenge for the month of May. Invest in Myself.

Speaking of Challenges, book reading this month was not as successful as declutter was last month. It just didn't work out. Perhaps another month would be better for it. I would just push it to next month, but I think I really want to focus on improving myself next month. I think it will be good for me and my family.

In any event, I am NOT going to give up until I reach my ultimate goal weight. I WILL be a BUFFMOTHER! By the end of summer, I will wear a pair of shorts or a dress that I will feel totally hot in. I am not intimidated by the hard work that I have to put in to attain the body that I want. I know it is going to take time and hard work, but I am going to do it!!!

Good Workout Day and still on plan!

2008-04-17T22:33:00.004-05:00

Wow, was that a tough workout or what??!! Phew and I only did the Pyramid Up for the Lower Body. I love Cathe though. She kills you but her personality and great music keep you going and keep coming back for more. If I keep up this rotation I HAVE to see a change by the time that we go on vacation. Awww, Vacation! Now I am thinking about that again.

Anyways today was a great workout and I am proud of myself for getting through the workout. Today, I only 8, 10 and 12 lb weights although I could have probably used no weights and still felt it. I believe this workout is on my rotation for next week, so I am going to bump it up some. I have to do this workout again on Sunday. Tomorrow is Pyramid Upper Body. Looking forward to pushing myself. Buffmother says that every workout you should make it a personal best, so at least each week, I am going to try to really punch it and truly challenge myself. I can't wait to see how my body has changed by our trip.

My talk went rather well tonight. We had to leave right after the talk but hubby said that I was very enthusiastic and did a good job. Mia has been very crabby so she cried most of the time he couldn't hear it. Now, I wish I had taped it so that we could both hear it. Oh well, I am just glad that it is over and now I shouldn't have to worry about another talk for several months.

Hubby and I talked tonight. He is really disliking his job and it is so hard to go in everyday for him. They just are so piddly and ridiculous. They make you feel as if it is a privilege to work there and offer no incentives or reason to stay besides a paycheck. It is a real shame. His job is stressful to boot. We have talked and we really need to streamline things. We may end up moving because we just have to find a way to simplify. I feel like I am the master of nothing, but really how can I be since I am pulled in so many directions. Well, I am not going to get off onto that tangent. It's time to go to bed.

A Break of Sorts

2008-04-16T23:12:00.005-05:00

Don't spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly.

I think that is something that Stan and I have been doing for quite a while. Today, both of us took the day off and the girls went to the babysitter. It was so nice because there was no whining and no watching kiddie videos and it was just beautiful. Stan and I got to spend some time together. The time went by much much faster than it would have if I'd went to work, but still it was nice. We are definitely going to feel it on our paychecks next pay period, but I am glad that I was able to spend the time with Stan and get some rest. After we picked up the girls from the babysitter, we took them to the park and let them get on the swings and slides. They had so much fun and did not want to leave. MiMi was very crabby, but she was much better once we got home and fed her. We stopped at BK because the girls really love the chicken crowns. So we got home, gave the girls a bath and then down to bed. They were wore out and pretty much went right on to sleep. That was a nice end to the day. Sometimes rangling with the girls to get them to sleep can be so nerve wrecking. Part of being parents to toddlers and TWINS at that!

Well, today was more like an off day, but still on plan. I made 2 of Linda's Deep Dish pizza's and my husband and I ate both of them over the course of the day. Since it was kinda a break day for us we decided to have a good time, but not go off plan or maybe I should say still eat low carb. I am so proud of my hubby. He is doing so good. I think our trip at the end of May is really a great motivator for us. We want to look great for the trip and I think if we stick to it, we will look great!

Tomorrow is a workout day and I have planned Cathe's Pyramid workout - Lower Body. Wow, that is going to be a rough workout. Rough, but I am willing to put in the work. I know that I am not going to see the results that I want unless I do work hard and not go off plan before we go on vacation.

I know the original plan was to go to Vegas, but we are really waning to go to a beach, so we may not. The main thing s to get away together and enjoy ourselves. We talked about it and think that the pinnacle of vacation is laying on the beach and perhaps staying at a spa/resort where we can be waited on. A place like the picture. That sounds wonderful, just to think about it.

Anyways, according to the scale yesterday, I am at 187.6. Weight loss is certainly not as fast as the Kimmer days, but I am going to try my very best to stick with this at least through Vegas. I will try to weigh on Tuesday's, so hopefully by next Tuesday, I will be below 185. I do think that I am basically going to do Induction for 2 weeks, then move on to higher carbs for 2 weeks and back to Induction again. We are thinking perhaps to have a cheat meal in there, but we will just have to see. I really don't think that a cheat meal will hurt us too badly. Well, we will see.

Well, I have rambled on long enough. Looking forward to a stricter day tomorrow and a great workout. I have a talk tomorrow night. I hope that all goes well.

Dreams...Sweet Dreams

2008-04-13T22:49:00.005-05:00

Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.

I have dreams, but many of them I've put on the backburner because they don't seem possible or just don't have the time to go after them. I know that it is important to have something to shoot for because that keeps me motivated. Right now, my goal is to try to lose some weight and tone up for our trip to Vegas(or wherever we go) which is at the end of May. Ohhh!! I can't wait!

I have figured out my entire exercise rotation starting tomorrow and it goes all the way through to May 30th. Whew! It is a toughie, but I think that I will look the best that I possibly can if I stick to this plan. Basically mixing interval workouts and weight lifting. Working out 5 days per week. Since I have let my weight climb (today my scale read 188), my goal is to try to reach 175 by the time that we go to Vegas. That gives me around 7 weeks. Since I will be lifting weights quite a bit, we will just have to see if that is even possible.

I just can't believe that I have let myself go like this. I was so close and now I have to work hard to get to a weight that I don't even really want. I mean 175 will still be heavy, but in any event, I will look a whole lot better than I do today. It's hard to believe that summer has snuck up so quickly. I mean, I had such goals for what I wanted to accomplish weight-wise by this time this year, but that's okay. I still have my goals and I have my dreams. I'll never give up on my dream of reaching my goal weight and being toned. May not be this month and may not be the year, but one day, I will have the body that I have always wanted. That's one of my BIG dreams!

Have you admired a sunrise lately?

2008-04-12T23:42:00.009-05:00

Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

(pic compliments of susanna.sublo.com/2006/04/)

I got a neat little book and it has neat quotes and things to think about. I'm going to TRY to post one each time I make a post to help broaden my horizons. Most days I am in a fog, so every little bit helps.

I can't really remember the last time I've watched the sun rise. It looks like such a serene and wonderful experience, yet I have missed it. Our lives keep us so busy sometimes that we forget the beautiful things in life and all of the wonderful things that Jehovah has created. At this moment I am actually thinking about when I may get an opportunity to enjoy this experience. Perhaps while Stan and I are on vacation, we may get a chance to watch a sunrise together. In any event, at least one day this year, I am going to watch a surise.

Today was a pretty good day!

2008-04-11T22:40:00.002-05:00

Not exceptional in the diet area, even though I was on plan, but it was nice in that I had my day to myself and it was wonderful!!! We decided a few weeks that we are going to divide up each Friday of each month like this:

- First Friday is Family Night - We will spend the evening with the girls and have a good time.
- Another Friday is My Night. I can do whatever I want.
- The next Friday is Stan's Night. He can do whatever he would like.
- The last Friday is Date Night! We go out together and have a nice time.

Well, last Friday, we took the girls to Chucky Cheese and they had a blast! They got to eat pizza and they got to get on the rides. It was really fun. We got alot of pictures and had a nice time.

This Friday was my Friday and I had a nice time. I went shopping and spent probably 4 hours in 1 store. It was wonderful. That was the one thing that I used to complain to Stan about was I never get to go shopping like I used to. The girls would get bored after 1/2 hour or so, so I never really get to shop. That was a fun pastime for me an I haven't enjoyed it for a long long time, so tonight was GREAT! I really really needed tonight and it was great!

I talked to several of my friends tonight and all of them are struggling with something. It really is something how this world is just getting so bad. Everyone is struggling with some issue. We really have to rely on Jehovah. That is the only way that we are going to able to manage and continue on.

Still on the Road

2008-04-10T14:16:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I am still hanging tough and my hubby is right there with me. Today we had Taco Bake tonight for dinner and boy is that good. That is the one thing about Atkins, I eat some of the best foods while following this plan and I lose weight to boot. Woo Hoo! According to Stan, he is down 5 lbs already!! I think I am down around 2 or 3 lbs. I will take it! I got started alot higher than I would have liked. All I am going to say is that thank goodness that I did not get to 200! Oh, I think that would break my heart if I went over 2oo again. But I am determned not to.

Today, I had some low feelings. I just feel like I really don't have any special talents or anything that I can pass on to my daughters. That's not good when you have 2 daughters. It's just not. I want to have some things that I can do. Like I took the sewing class recently and I love to dance, but I really don't have the time or energy needed to become really good. I guess I have a few years yet, but the girls are 2 1/2 next month. Time is running out. I don't want to put tons of pressure on myself, but this is really important to me. I need to have some confidence in myself and my abilities in order to pass that on to M&M.

So, I am still really excited and looking forward to success. I'm PUMPED again and ready to reach my goal by the end of the year. I realize that I am not in race. I'm just wanting to accomplish as much as I can by the time we head to Vegas! I really can't wait. Although, we have been talking and we may not be going to Vegas for certain. We just really want to go somewhere that we can CHILL! I mean, be waited on and just have a good time. It is really important that it is a vacation that way. Who knows where we will have another opportunity, so we really want it to be a nice mini-vacation. Can't wait!

Oh yeah, Biggest Loser! I watched on Tuesday and it was great! I really want a girl to win this time, so even though I love Roger, I think he is so nice, I think the ladies have a better shot if Mike takes the 3rd spot, so everyone, please vote for MIKE to be the 3rd person. Biggest loser is sooooo very motivating to watch. I need to tape it so that if I ever get in a slump, I can get re-motivated.

That's it for today!

On the Road Again!

2008-04-09T10:10:00.001-05:00

The Low Carb road that is! Why do I even bother to venture off to anything else? While I definitely believe in the Buffmother philosophy as far as weight training, I just struggle too much when I attempt to integrate carbs. It just always turns out to be a waste of time and of course weight gain. I am up on the scale, but that is okay. I will be down. I really seem to lose pretty good on low carb and I am thankful for that! I think sometimes I just get sick of low carbing. I guess I want some real bread or something and that gets the best of me. I just have to come to the conclusion that low carbing really is the best thing for me and the easiest. These days as stressful as my life is, I'm all about easiest and RESULTS! Those times when I want some bread or some pasta or something, I'll get it but for the most part Low carb is the way for me.

Anyways, my goal right now is to get back to 170, 166 even better by our trip to Vegas. That gives me a little under 8 weeks and I believe that I can do it. I just got restarted yesterday and it was a success. I got my usual headache, but hoping that today will be better. I got my liquid advil on tap just in case it does, but I don't think that it will.

I do believe that I am on the right track. I think that low carbing to reach my weight goal and lifting heavy to achieve the body I want is going in the right direction. I want so badly to figure this all out. I have been on the road to goal for almost a year now and I just want to feel like I know what I am doing instead of just meandering around aimlessly.

The past few days I have tried to visit Jimmy's site, but it looks like it has been hacked. That is a major reason that I made a blog outside of a website. When I was illegally locked out of KK, I learned my lesson. If a site goes down or I am locked out, where is my journal and conversations? In oblivion? I sure do hope that Jimmy gets the site back together soon and all of that information isn't gone. That would be awful. I think according to Jimmy's blog, he and Kristin are out of town, so he probably doesn't even know.

Well, I am excited about this month and hope that I can get on the path and get to goal. I KNOW that I can do this and my hubby can too! Yep, DH is on the plan with me now. I believe that sometimes you need to step away to appreciate what you have. I stepped away from low carbing on several occasions only to come back realizing it is the best thing for me. Full circle. Took awhile, but that is okay. I can always get back on the stick. As long as I know that I am not going to give up until I reach my goal is the most important thing. I do believe that reaching my goal through LC is the best. I don't plan to do Stillman's or KK though. I really hate those plans and the deficiencies that I suffered through while doing KK may be a major reason why I am hormonally imbalanced now. Who knows? I just know that my body is a gift from Jehovah and I have to respect it and not be just after the short term effects, but make healthier choices. Take care of my bod. :)

So, I am on the road again. Like I have always said, this is my journey. I may fall down and get scraped up and bruised, but I can always get back up and try again.

April is a month of READING!

2008-04-03T22:02:00.000-05:00

The Theme for the month of April is READING!!!!!

My goal is to read several books this month for personal enrichment. Last month's Declutter month was definitely a success, so I am very optimistic about this month!

Well, I don't have every book planned out that I plan to read this month, but one that I for sure plan to read is: How to get your Kid to Eat...But not too much! It has been a job lately getting the girls to eat, so I am hoping to get some pointers from this book. I think this will be a pretty good read. Seems to have gotten pretty good reviews on Amazon.

I also want to read a book on potty training for the girls, but I haven't picked the book yet. So hopefully, I will get in at least 2 books! Here's to another successful month of enrichment.

Days Long Past

2008-03-30T20:47:00.000-05:00

Well, I think the days of me being able to eat what I want and do what I want are OVER! The past few days have been awful. I have what I think is a cold or flu, but now, it is something different. MY SKIN LITERALLY HURTS!!! It's throbbing. I told my husband that it feels like little daggers are stabbing me. The sheets hurt on my skin. I mentioned it to my mom just now and she said Fibromyalgia. I typed my skin hurting on the internet and one of the first things that came up was Fibromyalgia. My husband doesn't want me to self-diagnose, but I really feel like this may be what is going on. I have been down in the bed since Friday. It's been rough. Fortunately, my husband has been wonderful and taking care of the girls, but tomorrow, he has to go back to work, so I have to get better. I will call my dr.'s office and try to set up an appt. for Thursday. Hopefully, the symptoms will have abated by them. If so, I will cancel the doctor's appt. If it is still a problem, I will go to the appt. I really hope this isn't the problem. Hopefully it is just a bad cold or something that is affecting my body differently. Only thing is some of the symptoms like body aches and sleep problems and pms and fatigue are all problems that I have been dealing with lately and they are symptoms of Fibro.

I have been dealing with alot of stress lately and maybe this is my bodies way to tell me I have to chill. Hopefully that is all that it is. Part of me just wants to say - Buck Up and Deal With It! It's just really hard. I have just had so many things thrown at me lately. I just want to be a good wife and mother. That's what I really want.

I really think that the stress has not helped one bit, but KK I think messed up things a bit. I really do. I am so glad that I lost the weight, but so many things have been happening lately. I mean, I am only 32 for crying out loud. Never sick. I've never even been in the hospital with the exception of having the girls. I have really got to take better care of my body and nurse it back to health. From what I read, the PMS and the Fibro can be helped by controlling my diet and my guess is the needs are similar. I've really got to get this under control for my health's sake. The days of eating junk and whatever I want I think are over. I really do. I want to eat better anyways, but now I think that I HAVE to! That is the way I am anyways, I only get things in order when I have no choice. Other than that, it doesn't get done.

I promised my hubby, I wouldn't do anymore research to try to self-diagnose myself, so I won't be doing that. I will just try to get to the doctor on Thursday. I really hope this is all over by then because it really is a painful and quite uncomfortable feeling. I can barely lift up my daughters. We will see.

Lumpy, Grumpy and Frumpy

2008-03-28T22:07:00.000-05:00

Yeah, that is how I am feeling today. It's TOTM, so needless to say, I am not feeling pretty. Matter of fact, I am eating everything in sight and some. It's really something. At first it seemed like this TOTM was going better. I had a bit of a hard time emotionally on Sunday, but then Stan and I went out to dinner and a movie and it seemed to be going okay. But today, I wasnt feeling so good and neither was my baby, Mia. I think me not feeling so well, plus my baby not doing so good I let things get to me. I definitely felt overwhelmed today. I think I just feel like I really need a getaway. I feel like I am always on the go or have to be responsible for something. There is never a down day when I am not responsible for anyone or anything. Not even for a few hours. It's rough. I think that may be a large part of what is going on. There is just too much going on all of the time. I guess that's life. It's just getting a little old.

I know that Stan and I are supposed to be gong to Vegas at the end of May, but right now that just seems so far away. It's like I needed the vacation yesterday and it is 2 MONTHS AWAY!!! I know how my days just meld together, those 2 months will be here and gone before I know it, but still, I feel like I need a holiday....NOW!!!

I'm just going to close this day and hope for the best tomorrow, although, based on how I ate today, I will be even Lumpier, Grumpier and Frumpier. :(

The Dealio

2008-03-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

Ewwww-Weee, today is definitely a FAT day. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like - "Not a flattering outfit." When I have my fat days, I always wear, big sweaters and pants, all black and that is what I have on today. I know that I have put on some pounds. I wonder when I get to goal, will I still have fat days. I mean, if I get down to 140 and then if for some reason, I gain 10 lbs, will I still feel fat? Probably so. I mean, in the old days of 241, I betcha I would give my right arm to be 180 anything. I guess it is all about perspective and how you feel at the moment.

Well, once I get through today, (I hate the Tues/Wednesday stretch), I can hopefully get on the ball with my plan. The fickle girl that I am, I am still trying to figure out what I am going to do. I mean, I love Michelle's plan, because it clean eating and I can eat dinner with my family. I couldn't stand the months of eating something different from everyone else while doing KK. But at the same time, I really miss alot of the Atkins recipes. Sometimes clean eating doesn't equal tasty. Probably because I haven't found the great recipes yet. I used to feel the same way about Atkins actually, that was until I found Linda. She opened up my eyes to how good you can eat on Atkins and now I have a hard time leaving. I just have to get everything together, make it appetizing and stick to it.

Rachel from Friends wears some of the cutest clothes and so now as an incentive to myself, I have decided that I am going to get a Rachel dress. There is this cute style dress that Rachel wore when she was in Las Vegas and since Stan and I are going to Las Vegas the end of May, my plan is to buy and wear a Rachel dress when we go. If I get started on April 1 and do everything right like I am supposed to, I can make quite a change in the way that I look by then. That will give me about 8 weeks. I know that I can accomplish alot in that time.

That is what I think is so frustrating to me. I pretty much know exactly what I need to do in order to achieve my goals, but it is just so hard to get started and then stay on track the whole time. It's so easy to waiver. I think that part of it is while I am not happy with the size that I am now, I am not completely grossed out, so I don't have the same impetus as I had before to get things moving. My main motivation was to lose weight so that I wouldn't be all fat and a poor example to my girls. Well, I am no longer FAT per se, so I don't have that same motivation. I have got to find it somewhere within myself to be motivated. I have enlisted the help of my hubby. He helped me a great deal during KK. Many times when I was discouraged and ready to throw in the towel, my hubby would remind me of what I was shooting for. Only when it became clear how dangerous the plan was did he encourage me to back away. So, with my hubby's help, a plan and personal motivation from within, I am almost positive that I can stick to this. My hubby wants to eat healthier to, so it will help us to both look great in Vegas! Yeah!!!

Success!!!

2008-03-25T15:02:00.001-05:00

Well, I must say that De-Clutter month has been a success so far. We have cleared out so much clutter. We had boxes of STUFF for so long and it has all been cleared out and that is wonderful. At the beginning of the month, we made little headway and my hubby said something to the effect that I guess not much is going to get done, but I am happy to say that over the past week, we have been working hard and much has been done. It makes me feel good because some days go by and I feel like I haven't accomplished a single thing. Watching the girls all day and doing not much of anything else makes for a very unfufilled day. I mean, I know they are my daughters and I love them to pieces, but it is important that your day just not go by and nothing else gets done. So, I am so happy that Stan and I just got it done no matter what. Our living room and dining room area will look much better than it has in a long time and that feels good. Afterall, it is the first room that you see when you walk in the house. I think it is important for those rooms to look nice and clutter-free.

The type of person that I am is if I challenge myself to something, I am going to try my hardest to make it work. May not in the end, but it won't be for lack of trying so I knew that the personal challenge to myself would get me going. My hubby is the type of person that will get going once I get going, so once I got started, he really got into it as well. We are a pretty good team if I should say so myself. :)

Dietwise, hmmm...not so good. Still working it all out. Still plan to be a Buffmother this summer, just getting a bit of a late start. I know that planning is crucial and I am going to take the next several days to plan everything out. I have to or it just won't happen. I know this! Stan and I are supposed to be going to Las Vegas at the end of May, so I am really hoping to get things started for both of us on April 1. That will give me like 8 weeks and Buffmother says to allow around 8 weeks of doing everything right to really see a change. So, what I PLAN to do is plan out my meals and workouts for the next 8 weeks. Plan to do everything right and see where it goes. I really think that I can accomplish great things because I know how to eat and how to workout. I just have to make myself do it. I am quite confident that I can get great results. I get so tired of starting over, but no matter what I am not giving up. I will be a BUFFMOTHER! I am going to be a wonderful example for my girls and a HOT wife! :)

Oy Vey! It's a New Day!

2008-03-18T07:20:00.000-05:00

Well, the past few days have been a blur and not a good blur. Trying my best to stay on target, but keep falling short. That is okay because today is a new day and I have a PLAN! Yesterday was my day off and I actually sat down and scheduled out each day so that I can get everything done. My life is just waaay to busy to go without a plan. I have known this for quite some time, but just hadn't taken the time to do it or I would get started, then get sidetracked and it ended up never getting done. So I am happy to say that I completed it yesterday and for the most part, I have been sticking to it.

One of the things that I have changed which I think will help a great deal is that I will cook on my days off for the days that are long days. Tuesdays and Wednesday's are extremely long days for me. I get up around 6:00 a.m. to get to work and then work a 10 hour shift and then come home try to cook dinner, go to the bookstudy and then finally I am home for the evening around 8:45 p.m. That's a long day! Then on Wednesday, I essentially do the same thing except this morning I have to get up around 5:15 a.m and I have to get the kids up and take them to the sitter's and be at work by 7:00 a.m. On Wednesday evening, I don't have a meeting, but the wise person that I am, I decided to take a sewing class that starts at 7:00 p.m. So I am at sewing class on Wednesday evenings from 7:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Another really long day. It stands to reason that cooking on those days is just adding to the pot of an already hectic day. So, I have decided that I will cook on Monday's for Tuesday and Wednesday. Now yesterday, I only cooked for tonight because I don't have sewing class this Wednesday because of Spring Break, but that is how I will proceed the rest of the course. I think there is only 2 more weeks beyond this week and I WILL NOT be taking anymore courses on Wednesdays. Unless it is just a 1 night course or something I REALLY, REALLY want to take. I won't do that again. The Tuesday and Wednesday crunch is just too much for me right now.

I also have planned out the days that I will workout. I have my Success Journal together so that I can log in the meals that I eat and the workouts that I complete. Also tracks my mood and how I am feeling. Since this is going to be completely different for me, I don't think I am going to weigh but 1x per month or so. I mean really, if I am lifting weights and trying to lose weight at the same time, the scale will be one of the worse measuring sticks EVER! I will take my measurements and try on my clothes, but ask hubby to hide the scale except on specified days.

I really want to be a BUFFMOTHER! Be a good strong example for my daughters. If I can get all that I need to together, I KNOW that I will feel much better than I have been physically and emotionally. Lately, I have just been feeling all over the place and not able to focus. Hasn't been fun. It makes it so that no matter how much or how bad I want anything, I am still unable to attain and that is a lousy feeling. Makes me feel weak and that is the exact opposite of how I want to feel.

I am confident that I will get there. I would like to give myself at least 4 months. I think it takes at least 90 days to see the fruits of your labor and a month beyond that to really see what is going on. I packed up my lunch and everything for today last night, which I also think is important. The goal is to try to take care of things on my days off, not to the point where I am stressed on my days off, but so that I can eliminate the smaller things on my really long days. Also, I am going to enlist the help of my hubby more even though he is stressed to. He is great with throwing in the laundry, so I may ask him to do a load of laundry on his day off which is today. It can be better and it WILL be better. I will keep tweaking and keep working it out until it is.

If I don't plan, Plan to Fail!

2008-03-15T16:10:00.000-05:00

I have really got to get my schedule together. On Saturday's, I am supposed to fit in a dance workout before going to work. Nope, didn't happen and it probably never will happen if I don't plan a specific time. After field service this morning, we came straight home. Cleaned up the girls and fed them lunch. By the time I got them down for a nap, which they never actually went to sleep, it was about 12:15 p.m. Well, I have to leave for work at 1:00 p.m., so no workout. Saturday's workouts are basically to get me moving, no weights, but still. I really need to get this down. I know for a fact that if I truly want to transform my body, I am going to have to buckle down and get it right. I mean, it's not like after the 10 weeks are over, I plan to stop, but since this is a contest that so many of us are doing, I would love to see a dramatic difference. Geez, I haven't even gotten around to get my before pictures taken. Monday will be a week completely gone. Sometimes I just have to shake my head and sigh because there is just sooooo much, toooo much actually. I think what I get caught up in is I get frazzled because there is so much to do that nothing really gets done. Like this month has been De-Clutter month and while I have started on my living room and dining room, there is still soooo much to be done. We are already at the 15th of the month and I really wanted to have those rooms done by the end of the month.

Yesterday, we had to shop for larger shoes for Mia so that took a few stores. Mia flipped out because she has some type of major fear of people that she does not know, so that turned out to be more than it should have been. Then we went to a few other stores and then guess what everyone was hungry. So we went to one of the worst places for a high protein lower carb person - Fazoli's. So as you can probably guess, not the best foods for my plan for dinner, which is completely frustrating. But the thing about it is everyday I start it as a new day. I know that this is the way that I want to eat and so I never think, oh just forget it tomorrow. I start the next day on plan and will keep doing that. I want to be a Buffmother. I want to be a good and healthy example to my daughters, not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well. I really think that being a Buffmother encompasses balance and having it together. No one is perfect, but when I have all of this planned out and sticking to that plan, I will have it together and will be the example that I want to be for my daughters. I have no doubt that I will get there, but it is just going to take some time.

Well, today is another day. So far, so good. I have taken my supplements. I have done very well with the proteins and greens. I've just got so many things on my mind right now that emotionally I am a wreck, but I do believe that before the end of this year comes around, things will be much better. Emotionally, I am at that point where I am cleaning a room that hasn't been cleaned for years and junk has just been piling up. Now you know when you clean a messy, it looks much worse before it starts looking better. That's just where I am right now. It's a rough period, but soon if I keep working on it, it will get better. I am sure of it.

Lower Body workout - DONE!

2008-03-14T14:58:00.000-05:00

I just completed my workout for the day. I was really in the mood for an exercise video, so I decided to do JV's Speedy Nonstop workout for the Lower Body. I don't think I have done that one before. It sure is speedy and nonstop, but I definitely felt like I got in a good workout. I added on two sets of the Stomach Zapping Abs. I went through all of my JV workouts and this workout seemed to match what I should be doing during the Buffing stage.

Today, I tried to pace myself with the weights, so for the first set, I used 5's. The second set 12's and for the 3rd set 15's. Buffmother encourages us to make a personal best in each workout, so next time, I may do my 2nd and 3rd set as 15's and 18's or 15's and 20's. We will see. Challenge=Change. I was thinking about it today and the fact that if I had never come across Buffmother, I may have alway kept with my 8's 10's and 12's. I may have never moved up to the heavier weights and that explains why I never have had the body that I have wanted. I mean, I have heard before to lift heavy as you can manage, but still never stepped it up. Now I know how important it is to really challenge myself with weights. I am in no danger of looking like a female Arnold. Women just can't do that at least not the average woman. Besides I don't have the time or interest needed to even get close to being female Arnold.

Everyone has been so encouraging at the RR. Just to keep on steppin on and I have appreciated that tremendously. I have been right on track. I am drinking my protein shake right now. I am going to do this and look great in 10 weeks!

Hiccup, but Moving On

2008-03-14T11:05:00.000-05:00

Yep, I messed up yesterday. Just a bad day. I felt it almost as soon as I woke up and couldn't shake it. Not quite sure why. Stan got off early and so we spent the day together. I think that alot of it is the stresses. I hate that I allowed emotions to get in the way, but I did. Nonetheless it does not deter me from my target. I will dust myself off and try again. I can't let a bad day get between me and my goal of being healthy and fit. It is too important to me.

I call it a hiccup because when I think of a hiccup, I think of an annoying thing that comes out of nowhere. After a little bit they pass and you forget you even had it. Alot of people say they happen if you take in too much air. That may have been what I did in a sense. Just taking on too much being overwhelmed. But yesterday is over and just like a hiccup, I am forgetting that it ever happened. I am moving on and starting today as a new day.

I am still sooo excited about the plan and definitely plan to reach my fitness goals. A Buffmother over at the RR posted a few pictures of a lady before and afters after 10 weeks. Wow, she really looked amazing. I have no doubt that the women may have been blessed with good genes, but it certainly gave me hope that if I stay on track I can certainly accomplish great things over the next 10 weeks. If that is the only hiccup that I have over the next 10 weeks, I am glad that it happened so early in the process. Maybe I needed to get it out my system. In any event, I am ready to get on track and become a BUFFMOTHER!!! Yeah!!!!!

I'm Lovin' It!

2008-03-12T10:06:00.000-05:00

Well yesterday was Day 2, but I felt pretty po most of the day and when I got home it was dreadful. I ended up going to bed at 9:00 p.m, because I was so sick feeling and exhausted. I had that terrible feeling of headache and stomach sick that I get alot of times around TOTM. I am nowhere near TOTM right now, so a little perplexed as to why I felt so bad. I feel pretty good today and so happy that I did not use feeling bad yesterday as an opportunity to go off plan. So far, the plan is pretty easy to follow. When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was down to 184.4, so I was happy about that. Down 4.8 lbs in 2 days. I thought that was the magic that only low carbing could bring, but I guess not. I am surely not complaining and happy to see it!

I know it is only the 3rd day, but I am feeling very excited about the new WOE that I have started. The Rally Room over at Buffmother is AWESOME!!! There are so many of us that are participating in this contest and it is just so encouraging. Also, when you see examples like Buffmother herself and so many others that have followed her plan before me that have changed so much, it's like "I want that for myself!!" The physique that the ladies have over there is just what I am aspiring to. Some a little more buff than I want to be, but still. I feel like I am in the right environment because it is a forum just for women that are mothers that want to look and feel better and be a good example to their children. Not satisfied with the label "soccer mom". Not settling by the naysayers that say "After you have a baby, your body will never look good again". Buffmother and so many other ladies there prove otherwise and that is so encouraging.

I am so thankful that I have already lost the bulk of my weight. I realize that I am no longer 166, but who knows what the ultimate # may be since I am lifting weights now. I know that I am not interested in being 125 lbs. Probably no longer 136 lbs. I think my old # of 147 may be a great place for me. I will just have to see how I feel. In the meantime, I have set a goal of losing 14.3 lbs over the next 10 weeks. That will put me at 174.9. Yep, I would like to get a tad below 175. He Hee Since I have already lost 4.8 of those pounds, I am very optimistic. If I do better great, if I don't I will be a little upset, but I know that I will have to look alot better. At least better than I do today. :)

BBB Contest - Day 1

2008-03-10T23:22:00.000-05:00

Whew! Today what a day! Alot got packed in today, but all in all today has been a SUCCESS!!! Let's see, I got up and ate breakfast with the girls ~ on plan of course~ and then later - THE WORKOUT!!!

Geez, Buffmother kicked my Heineken today. Buffmother Beginning Buffing workout. Phew! Buffmother really wants you to push the reps. You have to lift weights heavy enough that the last 2 reps feel impossible. I have lost alot of my strength, however, I feel that if I continue to work out this way and eat clean the way that I did today, I will be slammin' in 10 weeks or at least see a very dramatic difference.

It just feels right! I mean the way of eating and the workout regimen, just makes sense to me. It's exactly what I have been wanting to do. I am so glad that Michelle started this program and this contest because I really feel it will be the plan that will help me to meet my ultimate goal and I needed the motivation to get started. I love feeling strong and I love lifting weights and I love the fact that so much that Michelle writes about is exactly how I feel. The Rally Room rocks! There is just so much motivation there and so many other women that have the same goal of being fit and active and being a good example to their children and family.

My current workout plan is to workout 4 days per week. Since Tuesday and Wednesday are such awful days, I will not be able to workout on those days.

Monday - Weights
Thursday - Weights
Friday - Intervals
Saturday - Weights

I may have messed that up a little because I am supposed to do intervals at least 2x's/week or so I thought. I don't have it in front of me, so I don't remember exactly. I bought my new gadget a few weeks ago, the Gymboss. I have tried it yet, but it is supposed to be awesome for interval workouts. They really talk it up on my fitness forum, so I knew I had to give it a try. I will definitely post a review if I really like it. I think I read somewhere that if I write a good review publicly and let them know, I get a free Gymboss t-shirt or something. Kewl! Works for me!

So, I have to take one day at a time but I really feel pumped and ready to succeed. Now, while today went well overall, I did make some faux paus.

1) I didn't plan my meals out like I should have and when I put my food into Fitday, I only ate like 1000 calories. Yikes for that workout that I did today, that definitely was not enough calories. I really wanted my calories to be around 1500+, so I now see how important it is to plan in advance. Put it all in Fitday so that I know exactly what is going on.

2) I did a GREAT workout! My arms were like jelly afterward, so after a cooldown and stretch, I CRASHED! Completely forgot about my post workout shake. I thought about it about an hour after I finished my workout which is no good. Then to top it off, I forgot to add some fruit or something to my shake, so there were no real carbs.

I won't let myself get down about it. Michelle said that there is a learning curve to get everything down. I just have to have the determination to stick to the plan and eventually I am confident that everything will work out.

I really need to get to bed, but I didn't want to let the day end without posting how my first day went. I neglected to take my measurements or my pics today, but I will be sure to do that tomorrow. I was right about my weight. I figured that I was between 185-190 and I was. According to my new digital scale, my weight this morning was 189.2. I can't believe it, but I can. I just know where I am starting and going to go from there. Since I know that I won't lose like I used to while low carbing, I've set what I feel is a reasonable goal. I would like to lose 14 lbs over the next 10 weeks. According to Fitday, that is like 1.29 lb per week average. Even though I am lifting, I should hope that is attainable. Since I am not really sure, I will try on a pair of jeans that don't even have a chance of fitting and then keep trying them on over the next 10 weeks. I've got to have some measuring stick. It would be pretty much impossible to eat this way and workout this way without results. I definitely feel that I am on the right track.

Okay, now I am really going to get to bed. The day starts early tomorrow and keeps going until at least 9:00 p.m. tomorrow evening. Phew! Tired just thinking about it.

I have started many plans and I this is one of the only ones that I'm starting out so good and so positive. Definitely a good thing in my book. I am looking forward to the next 10 weeks!

Looking forward to a Healthy New Beginning

2008-03-08T19:22:00.000-06:00

I am psyched and ready to start Michelle's program on Monday. I am really hoping to stick to the plan and make a dramatic change in my body. I feel very soft and bloated these days, so it will be really, really nice to be hard and muscular. I am still working on trying to get all my meal plans together for at least 1 week in advance and possibly 2 weeks. I really feel that if I have everything planned and ready to go, it will help me to be more successful! It will really be amazing to see what I can truly accomplish in 10 weeks. I really plan to give it my all. It is cleaner eating and regular workout regimen.

I am glad that I didn't start Atkins and bumping off of that plan. I really want to see how Michelle's plan works on my body. I am sure that I am around 185-190 now. I am scared to see, but I will weigh myself Monday morning to find out. I bought a brand new digital scale and that will be what I will use throughout my 10 week plan. To get started, we need to weigh ourselves, take before pics and take measurements. I know that I start and stop so many times, but I really want to stick to this. I kinda feel like if I could stick to KK, virtually cheat free for 4.5 months, surely, I can stick to this plan for 10 weeks. I am not going to say that I will eat perfect for 10 weeks, but I will say that the plan is to put my all into it and to be successful. I would really like to be toned and in shape for shorts weather this summer. It is so important to me to be in good shape for my daughters. Having 2 daughters has really motivated me to get my act together in so many ways. I wonder if I had two 2 sons or even 1 boy and 1 girl would it be the same? I dunno. We don't plan to have anymore children, so it's likely that I will never know, but I do know one thing, those girls are the most precious things in the world to me and I want the best for them.

Buffmother calls it, Living with a LEGACY perspective and I just love the sound of that. In her book, she has an awesome example of how the decisions I make can have an effect not only on my daughters, but my grandchildren and generations after that. Physically, spiritually and emotionally the decisions that I make can have an effect on them. Thinking back, I really cannot remember my mother ever working out. That is something that kinda started with me. But working out consistently and being in good shape can be something that I pass on to my daughters and they can pass on to their and on and on, simply because I set the example. That is just so kewl to me and something that resonates with me on a very deep level. That is why I take it so seriously with the girls. I'm not perfect so I obviously can't do everything right, but realizing how my decisions affect the girls can be a real motivator to do my best.

Thanx Mya and Mia! Mommy loves you so much! You gave Mommy her life back. :)

Cold and Snowy Day

2008-03-04T21:12:00.001-06:00

Well, for the past week, the plan has been to get back on plan and while I started out strong, the evening took over. Yeah, I started the morning with cheese and for lunch had some turkey and cauliflower casserole, but dinner ended up turkey with dressing and pasta. Certainly not Atkins friendly. Well, here I am rationalizing and came to this deduction -- Why? Okay, I plan on starting Buffmother's contest on 3/10, why start Atkins now? Originally my thoughts was to get me back to 170's and start from that weight. But then when I thought of it more, I thought that would be stupid because as soon as I start Buffmother's plan, which includes complex carbs, I would start gaining again. That would be depressing to start a new plan and start gaining. So, since I seem to be at my old set point, I will just start there.

I love Buffmother's plan. It really is clean eating and eating to fuel my body versus eating just to lose. I really hope to start and stick to this plan to attain the body that I desire. It is a 10 week contest and we are divided into teams. I have been working for the past week to get everything organized down to a science. I want to plan out every meal, the times I eat, my workouts, the time I work out. I've got quite a bit of it done, but still have work to do. Planning has been a major part of my journey thus far and I think it will continue to be important to complete it. I really like Buffmother's simple approach and the fact that it is pretty much clean eating, it resonates with me. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW that I am going to miss my Taco Bakes, Cauliflower Casseroles and cream sauces. Oh, how I love it! I don't think I have ever eaten as well as I do on Atkins, but that is not the way that I truly want to eat, nor is it the menu that I want the girls to grow accustomed to. Now is the time for me to make changes in my family's diet so that the girls will be accustomed to eating healthier and cleaner. Hey, I can only try and hope for success. If I fail the first time, I will just have to dust myself off and try again. That's just the way that it is.

Being that is is De-Clutter month, I have some work to do before I go to bed tonight. We left work early today due to the snow, but still the day went by soooo fast. It was pretty scary but fortunately, I made it home safely and the girls nor my hubby had to go out in it today. Hopefully the snow has stopped and the streets will be clear by tomorrow morning.

Dr. Jekyll vs Ms. Hyde

2008-03-02T23:00:00.000-06:00

So far the month is going okay. Given, it is only the 2nd day. The one thing that really bothers me about this PMS thing is I feel like I have a split personality. I feel all over the place and unable to stay on track. I really do feel that if I start making better choices with the foods that I eat, the times that I eat and exercise regularly, things will improve. I don't really feel that I have any depression issues, so I think that if I have a set plan in place and stick to it, I can lower or possibly eliminate the symptoms that are plaguing me right now. Sure does make you feel old. I am not so sure that it is a matter of age, but maybe the fact that I have had children. According to what I have read, having a baby, especially MULTIPLES really does a doosie on a woman's hormones. Well, I should guess so. Plus, as I have always said, between having the girls and losing the weight in the extreme way that I did, my poor bod has been through alot in a short period of time and has to be out of balance.

I really didn't take any vitamins on the regular basis while I was following KK. All my mind was focused on was being cheat free and losing the weight and right now, my body is telling me all about that decision. So, like I said, I am going to try to get on the stick with my diet and exercise, taking supplements to assist where my diet may be lacking and really truly taking control. I know it is going to take awhile. Several months at least, but I've got to do it. My family means waaaay to much to me. Plus, I am miserable right now. I don't feel good physically. I feel negative and completely spent. Typically though, I have a very strong mind and when I am determined, I will push through no matter what. So that same devotion and strength that I had several months back during KK is what I am going to have to tap into to get myself healthy again.

My experiences over the past two years along with all that I am learning about my body, things are just falling into place and making sense. All I have to do is work with my body and things will be so much smoother. The thing that bugged me about KK was that it went around the natural way of the body works to make weight loss happen. It may have worked, but clearly not good for my body. I don't want to go down that path ever again! Fortunately, I am young and should be able to bounce back from that whole ordeal. I really feel that if I work along with my body in regards to my diet, exercise and supplements, things will get back on track naturally. I'll say in 3 months or so, I should be able to tell if things are turning around. So, I guess we will see in June!

Victories -- How have I been victorious?

2008-02-17T22:00:00.000-06:00

One of my online buddies (Ahem, Tawn) mentioned NSV's and I do think it is time to list some of those. Lately, I have been feeling like I am accomplishing a whole bunch of nothing. With the new year there were so many things that I wanted to do and .... Oh well, it is only February and I am still very optimisitic on what I would like to accomplish, but also happy about the things I have accomplished.

Okay, let's see:

With regard to weight:

One of my biggest NSV's is the fact that I have lost the weight and have gotten nowhere near the weight that I started.

- For awhile there I was so afraid that I would gain every single pound I lost, since I lost it so quickly and didn't really know where to go. Thank goodness for LCD board. Oh! What a lifesaver. Not only was it a place to go when I was illegally banned from KK, but also a place where I was able to find advice and meet up with old friends. It was wonderful and I will always be thankful to Jimmy and his site.

So even though I am in this crummy loop of 166-185, I am still nowhere near 241 and that is definitely a victory!!!! Even though I guess it is scale related. :)

Umm, let's see what else...

I feel sooo much more positive about myself. I used to be the frumpy, overfat mom that would hide behind her beautiful twins, but not any longer! Now I step out in my jeans and feel proud that I am a twinmama that got her body back. And I am not even finished yet!

I can wear size 12 dresses. Oh of course there were the days of yesteryear when I thought size 12 was fat. This is definitely not my goal size, but still it is very nice to pull out size 12 dresses and fit them nicely and look pretty good in them.

I am able to wear Medium shirts. That is definitely a nice feeling. No more larges or extras larges unless I chose to. Nice!

I am able to wear some 8 1/2 size shoes again. I thought that once I had the girls, my shoe size had permanently went up to a 9, but not so. I am able to fit some 8 1/2 which is nice.

My face is visibly slimmer now. No more roundness. My defined jawline is definitely back!!!

When I was interested in starting BFL, my online buddies say that I was doing it right. "Since I am close to goal, I could get good results". That is a really nice compliment. People can actually see all of the hard work that I have put in.

I get compliments. Definitely an NSV. People are always telling me how pretty I look and that is nice. I am working very hard on taking compliments though because I usually don't. Lately, I have been saying "Thank you". The old response was "Oh Please!"

One of my greatest victories are: I am starting to live life. I am actually excited about life and wanting to live it a little more fully. Have a little more fun. Like I have started my sewing class, I plan to go to New York this fall to take the dance class with my girlfriends. I am also planning some family outdoor activities for this spring and summer. Having more fun, yeah that's it!

I just feel so much more comfortable in my skin. I think that is the major difference. I feel more comfortable in front of my husband and just overall more comfortable with myself. It is amazing what fat does to you.

My weight loss journey has taught me that I can do more. I can be better. Not just in the area of weight loss, but life in general. I think for a long time, I didn't know. I had flopped on so many plans or lost and gained it all back, but I was determined. It is amazing what your children will do for you. I know that my daughters are the glue that made it stick this time. I really believe that fat parents have fat children because they are passing on those same unhealthy habits to their children. That is why it is so important to me to get the family diet together. Why should my daughters have to go through this?

So, there are alot of neat little things that have made my weight loss soooo worth it. I know that KK was hard sometimes, but I am happy that I went through it and stuck to it because today I am nearly 70 lbs lighter and feelin good. I still have some pounds to go, but that is okay. I think I have finally come to a point where I understand that it is not a race. I can get to my goal however long it takes and I know that I will. My health is not at risk because of the weight and so whatever amount of time it takes ~ it's okay. I am just so happy to be going in the right direction -- FINALLY!

Breaking it Down

2008-02-15T17:31:00.000-06:00

As of this morning, I weigh in at 176. Eh, I'm not worried about it. I will get there. Like I said yesterday, if it takes me the rest of this year to get to goal, that is okay. As long as I get there. I just got impatient. But I was thinking about an incident in my childhood that explained why KK and plans similar will not work for me in relation to my health:

My attitude towards food

My mother remembers one day she fixed pinto beans and neckbones and I wanted no part of it. So I was outside playing and she called me and said "Elycia, ready to eat?" No Mom! This went on hourly for several hours until finally my mom said "Get your tail in here and eat" and you know I sat at the table and still didn't eat it.

So what?

So, long and the short is, if I don't like it, I won't eat. I'll starve first.

This explains alot with my experience with KK and with Stillman's. On KK, I knew that I was starving myself, but since I was losing weight, I rationalized that it was okay, even though I knew it wasn't. I read my past journal entries and even though most days I was complaining about how I didn't like the foods or bored, I continued because I wanted to lose so badly. Desperation. When I am reading through my recent entries about getting to goal, I hear that same desperation. Ready to do whatever it takes to get to goal. But it's not about whatever it takes. Whatever it takes could mean health problems. Could mean fatigue. Could mean fainting when I am carrying one of my girls or going down the steps or while the girls are in my care. Getting to goal is not worth all of that. While I still have some weight to lose, I am no longer morbidly obese and so the risk is no longer the same as previously. When I was really heavy, I would rationalize that "Keeping all of this fat on me is no healthier than the method I am using to lose the excess weight". Since this is no longer an issue, I can't continue the charade of low calorie, low fat and low carb. It just isn't healthy for me and that is really what I am after.

I have been reading Protein Power today and I have found it a very good read. It explains alot about Low Carbing and also used some words that I love - WORKING WITH YOUR BODY! I love the idea of that. I think that is the key to good health and looking and feeling good. Plus I would love to get my diet in shape so that the meals that I prepare are healthful and that is what the girls will be used to eating and will eat on into adulthood and be healthy. I really want to figure this out and so that is my goal. I feel that if I figure this out, my body will look the way that I would like it to as well. I'll just keep pecking away at it, making healthy choices each day and I will get there!

My Change of Heart of Mind

2008-02-14T14:38:00.000-06:00

While the girls are napping, I have been reading through my old KK journal. It was basically a day by day breakdown of my weight loss journey with Kimkins. There was common thread that I noticed. On each page at least a few times, I complained of how bored I was and that I wasn't eating much because I didn't want to eat anything that was allowed. Problem is, I am feeling that same way right now. I enjoy eating low carb, so I don't think I will abandon it, but I don't think Stillman's is the answer for me either. It is just too strict and in my mind it is the same thing as KK. KK did a number on me physically and psychologically. I can't go down that road again. I would guess that I probably ate 600 calories yesterday. Not that this is what Stillman's advocates, but I really think that is the only way I can interpret this type of eating. Problem is I know that KK works and I really want to lose weight, but by following Stillman's I really am going against my convictions. When I stopped KK, I didn't stop it because I was bored with the food. If that was the case, I wouldn't have stayed on it for 4.5 months. I stopped KK because of the possible health ramifications and the poor example to my daughters. Since Stillman's is quickly becoming the same plan under a different name, I've gotta stop. I never want to go down the road of KK again. Atkins pretty much set me free of that and I can't do it again. Afraid to eat. Extended stalls. I mean, psychologically KK really hurt me. I had a fear of food for a long time after that. To think that I finally broke through that and now going back again...oh no way! I can't do that again!

So what do I do? I know that I am committed to reach my weight loss goal and for some reason, I am unable to lose with Atkins right now. Atkins is keeping me in the same 166-185 loop and I can't get out of it. I know that is the reason that I even considered going back to a KK type plan. I was pretty positive that it could get me past that block that Atkins can't pass. But the cost is too high. I guess I just have to be like most others and take a few years to get the weight off. I will get there and I will get my Bassett Body, but it will take me a little while.

For the moment, I guess I am going back to Atkins. Atkins worked pretty well in terms of maintaining, at least until I figure out how to go forward. Also, lately, I have been weighing daily, I am going to have to put an end to that. I know that I am not going to lose very fast so getting on the scale daily is a frustration that I don't need.

I don't have to view the past 3 days as a waste though. I do believe that Stillman's has got me into ketosis, and that is very good. Maybe it was the jumpstart that I needed and then I can go on back to Atkins without a problem. We will see.

I just think it is important that I am true with myself and keep my integrity. I blipped for a minute and then I got my senses back.

I am still committed to reach my goal and I am still ready to do what it takes, but it's gotta be healthy and it has gotta be in a way that I feel comfortable in front of my daughters.

So that's it??!!

2008-02-13T07:34:00.001-06:00

This is exactly why I was feeling the way that I was feelin yesterday. I get so tired of the ups and downs of low carbing. I know I came off plan on Monday, but my goodness. Yesterday, the scale read 181. I was fully clothed, but still. 181? After a week on plan in one day I am up 6 lbs. Actually more like 8 since I was 173. What's up with that??!! Then this morning I get on the scale and essentially weigh the same thing 180ish. I took off some of my clothes and it was 179. It's just frustrating. Everytime I turn around I am in the 180's all over again. Why does my body seem to want to cling to this weight? Ew, I'm disgusted.

Anyways, I was a little surprised to basically see no change in weight this morning. Alot of times at the beginning, the first night, I lose like 3 lbs. I know that I didn't cheat and I know that I drank tons of water. (Sigh) I hope that I don't have to really struggle with the rest of this weight. I was really hoping that the strictness of Stillmans was going to be what was needed in order to get moving. I feel veeerrry bloated right now and disappointed that the weight hasn't budged at all. I won't be discouraged and give up, just disappointed is all. I have been doing low carb for 9 months now and there are certain things I come to expect and losing weight the first night has always been a given, so I am a tad concerned. I'll just give it a little more time though.

Still haven't worked out recently. Just so hard to find the time. Just doesn't seem to be enough time in a day. A friend of my husband is watching the girls for the first time today. She will be watching them every Wednesday from now on. That is if she survives today. I am a little nervous because no one besides family has ever watched the girls before. I called this morning and the girls seem to be settling in okay. Mia is still nervous, but that is to be expected. Mya is doing okay. Parenting. Not an easy job.

So anyways, I am on Day 2. Though a bit disappointed I am still very committed and ready to lose this weight. If things go as planned, I can beat this pesky 166 mark. I will give it the 4-6 weeks that I planned to give it because I want this so badly. I am just so tired of playing around with the same weight over and over again and I am so tired of seeing 18x staring back at me. Once I leave this weight range, I NEVER want to see it again. I really hope that Stillman's is the answer. I am willing to put in the work, I just hope that my body responds.

Day 1 - How I'm Feelin'

2008-02-12T07:43:00.000-06:00

Every day is a different thing, but as of this morning, I am so NOT feelin' doing low carb the rest of my life. I feel that after I get to a certain weight, I am going to have to transition to something else. I am so tired of the roller coasters of low carb eating. Inexplicably, I was 175 yesterday. Why did I gain in the first place and then after 1 day off plan, I have gained 4 lbs??!! Geez! It's not just that, I just don't want to do it my whole life or at least not the way that I am doing it right now. I just want to eat healthy and clean and be a good example for my daughters.

This morning, I packed 2 chicken breasts and 4 boiled eggs. We'll see how it tastes but I suppose it is going to be gross. I'm just tired of the extremes. Sure, I know I MADE THE CHOICE to start Stillman's today, but that was only because I feel like I don't really have a choice. Clearly my body is very happy at the 170 -185 range and really doesn't want to budge, so I almost have to do something extreme to get things moving and I really hope that it works.

It's odd because up until this morning I have felt that low carb is the way to go for me, but now I am not so sure. I never want to go back to being the fast food junkie that I used to be, but I don't want to have to focus so much on what I eat. Specific foods and usually not that tasty. I mean even when I did BFL, the foods that I was eating was not good. I really want to find a plan that will help me to lose and maintain my weight without the extremes. Atkins allows me to eat richly, but is that really good? All that butter and cream and cheese? Is that good? I don't think so, so it is not really want I want. I really want to get that book - The Eat Clean Diet because I really want to find ways to eat cleaner but be tasty at the same time. I don't think it is really a diet though, but I think it has recipes and ideas on how to eat cleaner which I really want. I think that I will be much happier and it will be better for my whole family and clearer skin and a better body will be a byproduct.

So here are my thoughts, I am going to try to stick with Stillman's for as long as I can. At least until the end of this month, hopefully I will last. I think I am going to try to get down to at least 155-160 which will probably take at least 1 month if I do it right. Once I get to that weight, either I will switch over to Atkins again or if I have found something else, switch to that. I think I ultimately want to try to wean myself off of low-carbing, at least the Atkins way. I really want to eat cleaner and I want to eat from all of the food groups. I have heard some say that Protein Power is really a good option and pretty close to normal eating, so maybe that will work for me. I don't think I ever read the whole book, just parts of it. I still have the book at home, so perhaps I better pull that out and give it a good read so that I can get a good understanding of the whole thing because that may be the route I take in lieu of going back to Atkins.

I think I am just tired of dieting and want to get on with living my life. What a way to start a new plan, but maybe it is the impetus I need to keep me on track with the plan so I can lose the necessary weight on get on to Part B.

Part A - Follow Stillman's to get to 155 (approx)
Part B - Go back to Atkins or if it sounds good, start Protein Power
Goal - Live a Fun Clean Eating Life - No More Dieting

I know that they always say that you shouldn't view it as a diet, but a Way Of Life. Well that is certainly not what I am doing right now, but that is what I want. I especially don't feel it since I am following Stillman's, but that is okay. This is short term. One thing I have learned from Buffmother is that it is ALWAYS best to work with our bodies. KK and even Stillman's I believe is NOT doing that at all. KK especially I feel is finding a way around the bodies natural way of doing things and cheating the pounds off. I think for my sanity, I need to find a plan that works with my body and is tasty at the same time. I think it will be a whole lot easier because I know the road with Stillman's is probably going to be bumpy, because I am forcing it. If it gets me to 155 it will be worth it and then I will be ready to move on to Part B.

I want to be a good example for my daughters in this area with a clean diet, a solid workout schedule and a slim body. It will come. I believe it is completely attainable because I have a clear goal and know exactly what I am shooting for. That's How I'm Feelin'.

What on Earth?

2008-02-11T13:31:00.000-06:00

I got on the scale this morning and it reads 175???? What on earth? Why go up? I haven't been eating anything off plan. I haven't been drinking as much water though. Just a few days ago when the weight loss virtually stopped I started in on that Walmart sugar free pink lemonade. I think I mentioned this before. I kid not, I think my weight loss just stops when I drink that stuff. What's in it sugar? It says Sugar Free, but something in it makes my body say "Okay, I'm done!" Well at this point, it is neither here nor there. I am getting started with Stillman's tomorrow although I am sure that I will start bigger than 175 since I just finished my White Castle combo. Yep, I pretty much decided since I was at a stall anyway and I am going all stricto tomorrow, I may as well be off plan today. So I enjoyed my White Castles and candy bar and tonight I will probably have some Chinese. Yeah, not the best selections, but hopefully with a few weeks of Stillman's it will completely be behind me and I am into the low 160's. Woo Hoo, what a feelin'!

So while today is not a good day on the scale, I am enjoying myself today and looking forward to getting started tomorrow. As planned I went ahead and got my shopping list together and picked up the groceries, so I am all set! All I need to do at this point is get everything cooked and prepare for the awful headache I will probably have over the next few days. Oy Vey! I hate those blasted headaches, but I guess it is the price I pay for going off plan and lookin' so good when I get to goal. I guess the short term headache is worth it.

Here's to success and getting into the low 160's, the Stillman's Way!

A Girls Gotta Have A Plan!

2008-02-10T17:03:00.000-06:00

I made a Chicken Broccoli recipe today that is pretty good. I will eat that today and take it easy tomorrow and then Tuesday IT'S ON!! I am somewhat looking forward to starting Stillman's on Tuesday. I am soooo ready to get past 170 and definitely ready to get past 166. That will really be amazing when it happens. I don't think my body will know quite what to do, but with the restrictions of Stillman's plan, it HAS to happen. Even though Stillman's makes me think of Kimkins, I know that it isn't because 1) it is for a short period of time 2) My understanding is that I don't have to have the extremely low calories. The key to getting to goal for me is to keep my body guessing. Try not to let my body get used to anything. I don't work out everyday to keep my body guessing. I don't eat the same items or same calories for that matter everyday to keep my body guessing. Hopefully doing Stillmans through the end of the month will be the boost that my body needs to get me moving on to numbers on the scale that have only been a dream. The lowest number in the past 10-12 years is 157 and that was the cruise in 1997. Wow, that has been 10 years. Does that make a girl feel old or what?! Anyways, once I get under 157, I don't even remember any other weight. Let's see, I believe my senior year I was 147 and that was 1993. Anyways, the long and short of it all is that it's been a really really long time since I have seen 15x or 14x staring back at me and I just can't wait!!!!

How awesome will that be to be able to wear my favorite things - denim shorts and halters this summer??!! Course my favorite little rompers are always fun. This past summer, I wanted so badly to be at a decent weight, but my body just didn't want to budge. That plus the fact that I really didn't get started until 5/30, so my expectations were a little high. Doesn't matter now though because now it is only February. I have at least 3 months until hot weather and I can do a whole lot in 12-15 weeks.

So I don't want to conjecture to far into the future. Just the here and now. So the here and now is:

- Create shopping list for Stillman plan today.
- Go shopping for plan for 2 weeks on Monday.
- Start Stillman's plan on Tuesday.
- I will either be doing the Stillman's 14 day Shape Up Plan or QWL. I should probably do the QWL since I need the strictness of it in order to get things moving, though I am sure that either will suit my needs. It appears that Shape Up Plan allows a little more flexibility. I will continue to review to see what works best. I will probably join the support group over at LCF just to be in touch with others following the plan.

Anyways, I am ready to get started. I will weigh myself Tuesday morning to be sure of where I am starting and go from there. That's the plan!

Okay, now we are Slow Dancing :(

2008-02-09T21:35:00.000-06:00

Hunh! The ride is definitely over. For the past two days, I have not moved. I guess I can be glad that those pounds that did slide off did so because that put me that much closer to 166. So here I am at 173. I guess my like 170-172 mark has added a pound. I look a little different now. I think everytime I regain after I lose, I get a little more "skinny fat". Yuck, I don't like it, so I guess I better stop this cycle and get on down to goal. I think I have done this 166-185 thing at least 3x's.

Okay, so as I decided previously, once I sit at a certain weight for 3-5 days, I am going to hit Stillmans. I figured this would happen around this weight, so I was prepared for it. Since I work today and tomorrow, I will go shopping for Stillman's groceries on Monday. Then on Tuesday, I will start Stillman's. The plan is to continue with Stillman's until I reach 164. As strict as it is, I am sure that I will be able to break through 170, but not so sure about 166. I am going to try my very best to stick with Stillman's until I break 162 and then I will go back to Atkins. I am sure that I will gain a few pounds from adding in the cheese and such, so I am allowing myself a few pounds under 166 as leeway because I can't go back there and get caught in that set point again. I may have to work hard and stop at 160. I'll just have to see. That is all that I am planning at this point. I figure that I will have to stick with this plan at least through the end of the month. For the month of March, I will plan something different.

The plan is still to stick with cardio for exercise. Since I am really shooting to lose weight by the scale, I really don't want to add much in the way of muscle. I really want to lose a pants size and obviously the closer that I get to 160, the better off I will be.

So that is the plan. I know it is going to be sooo tough. When I am on Atkins, I enjoy myself so much. When I tried to do a restrictive plan before it was sooo hard. Since I switched to Atkins the food was so much better and was really enjoying it, however, weightwise I really was not accomplishing much and that is a little depressing. It is time for me to move on to the next stage of my weight loss and get to goal.

So, we may be slow dancin' for the moment, but we are going to pump it up again real soon with the Stillman's plan. I am pretty sure that as long as I stick to the plan strictly and truly commit, I will be able to lose those nagging pounds and get under 166! Can't wait!

Not Slow Dancing Yet!

2008-02-07T17:03:00.000-06:00

Unh-Unh! Not yet. Hopped on this scale this morning to see staring back at me 173. Yep! I got on it a few more times because I wanted to be sure. I thought, no way! The past few days, I lost 1 lb each day so I figured that it was over, but nope, still losing! 2 lbs today!!!! Yay! Still pumping it up!!!!

I can't believe that I have lost 12 lbs in 7 days. Well, I can't believe that I gained 20 lbs in 2 weeks, so I guess I get some relief in the fact that it does come off as easy as it comes on. I think I have said it before, but I think when I get around 150, possibly 155 I am going to start lifting weights. I think that will help me to carry my weight much better. Even though I may gain a little, the muscle that I have gained will help me to burn more calories and then I can weigh more, but keep my size. I am so excited that my body is ready to get back to 166. I think it is! I'll have to look at my old entries, but if I recall last time I was stuck at 170 4EVER!

Anyways, not much to report. Still focused on my goal and raring for success!!

Making the Scale WORK!

2008-02-05T16:51:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I have been making that scale work lately. I hop on it daily. Since it's had nothing but good for me lately, I'm not having the usual HATE relationship with it. As of this morning I am 176, so that is another pound! Woo Hoo!!!!! A little slower than I had been, but still moving nonetheless and that is a good thing. Can't wait until I am on the other side of 175. Well, this is the first day since getting restarted on the 1st that I have lost only 1 lb, so I guess the water weight ride is over. We will see in the morning, but I sure am happy that I was able to glide through 9 of those 20 lbs. We will see how things go over the next few days as I am looking forward to getting back to the 166 mark. Think of that, looking forward to 166. I really can't wait to get beyond that weight though.

Part of me is glad that I took the last few months since ending KK to give my body a bit of a rest, but the other part of me is like....WHY??!! Just get the weight off! That is the instant gratification part of me saying NOW! The sensible side of me says it was important for me to give my body a rest and do a kind of refeed. That had to be alot on my body losing that fast and then on top of that to do it unhealthily, so I am happy with how things have went. I have alot of excitement right now and I am going to use that excitement to keep me going and to get me to goal.

Hubby is doing really well with WW. He just loves being able to go online and track his foods and get the feedback. I really think if he just keeps going and keeps being consistent, he will lose very well and will be looking very good this summer. I'll be so proud of him. :)

Well, anyways, so far today is a pretty good day and I am looking forward to tomorrow and the next day and the next day being a SUCCESS!!! The plan is still the same, if I stall for more than let's say 3-5 days, then I will do a stint of Stillman's. There's no stopping me now!

Pumped!

2008-02-04T21:08:00.001-06:00

Well, today to my pleasant surprise, the scale read 177! So since getting started on Friday, I am down 8 lbs!!!! Woo Hoo! Yep, I am excited and I am going to ride the excited train until it ends.

I didn't work out today, but I have decided that I am going to pretty much stick to cardio until I hit between 155-160. At this time, I need the excitement of seeing the scale go down. I KNOW my body and I know that I will start building muscle right away and since muscle holds water, the scale will just totally stop or not move anymore as soon as I start lifting. It's important that the scale not stop right now. Especially since I am in the high 170's. I am nowhere near the goal that I would like to reach, so I want to do this smart!

I am enjoying myself though. I had a burger and salad today for lunch. Sausage quiche for breakfast and I will have a few slices of lc pizza soon. I definitely enjoy myself when lowcarbing. I think that it is very enjoyable and being that it is enjoyable, I can stick to it. I believe the reason I was off plan for awhile this time was because I just was planning on moving on to something else and didn't quite know what to do. I liked in the BFL book, he used a phrase called "paralysis by analysis" and I tell ya, that is me all the way. I am a MAJOR analyzer and I was analyzing everything to death and getting nothing accomplished, but gaining weight. The dress I wanted to wear to the assembly I couldn't even wear because I had definitely gained. It is okay though because I KNOW without a doubt that I will get there.

I love the idea of my new plan. Basically doing Atkins and then doing stints of Stillman's just to break through a plateau. I think that this way will be so much more healthier and enjoyable. I just hope that it works.

Anyways, I am pumped and ready to get to goal. I will not be deterred and I will not stop. This is too important and I KNOW that I will succeed!

Excited that the PARTY has started and everything is Alllllright!!

2008-02-03T19:20:00.001-06:00

Well as with any party, it doesn't really get hype until later on. It's pretty early right now. I'm excited to be at the party and everything is going great, but can't wait until I really start jammin. :) I've got to try to make losing weight fun! Make it enjoyable and part of my life. Not so much a task that I am trying to conquer or a battle that I have to get through. Roll with it. I want my life to be more fun and interesting, so it only makes sense that I make my WOE fun!

So, while I am very excited that I am officially in the 170's (179), it is only the beginning. Wow, down 6 lbs in 3 days. I love the first few days of low carbing. Anyways, I am going to just take one day at a time until I reach my goal. I am pretty sure that I am going to keep sailing along until I reach that dreaded 170-172 mark. I'll just consider this the slow dance part of the party. Then I'll pump it up a little bit and then I will finally pass that only to be stopped at around 166 again, but that is okay. We are just bringing the party back down a notch. :) I am aware that these set points will happen and will just have to tweak things to get the party hoppin' again and I will. I am set and determined, especially if I keep it fun.

Now, after I get under 165, I will be on a different plane. I haven't been under that number in 10 years or so. I will just have to keep going forward and see what happens at that point. That is going to be really something, but I can't wait. This is really going to be a true challenge to myself. I am happy that I am excited and ready to get to my goal. I think it is the renewed feeling that I needed to get there. I know that I will.

I feel like I have been through many stages since leaving KK. Plus the fact that I am slim again. That is hard on a person sometimes. I have been overweight for most of my marriage and to be slim again and to be getting attention and people telling you how good you look, it is quite an adjustment. I wonder how it will be when I am truly at goal. I won't know what to do with myself. I hope that I continue with the new things that I have learned about having fun and trying different things. Enjoying a variety of activities with my family. I think losing the weight that I have thus far has been so good for me and will be good for my family. I certainly can't wait to get to goal. I think I'll have a party!

Let's get this party STARTED!

2008-02-02T11:37:00.000-06:00

Well, day one is over and I must say, I really didn't feel diety, which is a very good thing. TOM decided to rear it's ugly head today, so I did get that nasty headache. I don't know why it is, but everytime I get started, it always seems to be around TOM. I hate that, because at that time I am prone to get a headaches anyway and then it makes it worse. Fortunately, I didn't get my headache until around 10:00 p.m. and I was about ready to go to bed so it was no biggie. I took a few advil and went to bed and this morning, I was feeling just fine.

Also pleased as punch about the fact that when I weighed this morning, it was a sweet 181. Yeah baby 4 lbs overnight and during TOM!!! That's what I'm talking about! Yeah, I know, water weight, but happy to see it not at 185 nonetheless. I think that if I am strict over the next 2 weeks, I will be able to see my 170, possibly 169 no problem. I am excited about that and actually really pumped. Yesterday when I took the time to think everything through, it really got me excited about getting started and getting to goal. I am ready to do this because I know that I really have to lose alot more fat and weight in order to get my Bassett Body and I know the safest and quickest way to do it is by Atkins.

Okay, so my new page elements deal with a wonderful choreographer that goes by the name of Luam. She is so good and she is in New York. My new thing is dancing. I have always loved dancing, but I have decided that I want to get into hip hop dancing. Yeah, I know at 32, for real? But seriously, I love the energy and the style, so I am going to learn it. I am going to take a hip hop class next semester and I mentioned to my hubby that I may want to go to NY later in the year to take a Luam class just for fun. Might visit the Tyra show while I am down there. :) Just take a few days. Might take a few of my girlfriends too. That would be really fun. Wow, I can already think of Nan, Lin, Mira probably Keisha and Joyce as well. That would be a fun weekend. Hmmm...the wheels are turning.

I think that the sewing class that I started last week is going to be great as well. I am looking forward to learning how to sew again so that I can make things for the girls and also be able to do alterations when necessary. Like I said I think on the 28th of last year, I want 2008 to be fun. Try different things, explore different things I've thought about but never did for one reason or another. I think that it is great that it is only January and I've already gotten started. Quite promising to what the year may turn out to be.

Even though I am looking forward to trying all of these different things, I realize that my spiritual goals are the priority and I do not plan to lose sight of that. It is of prime importance that the girls see balance. Our service to Jehovah is the priority, but at the same time, Jehovah does not expect us do nothing else. He wants us to enjoy life, but do it with balance. I know that we are quite busy and it is going to take some strict scheduling, but that is just fine. I am looking forward to 2008 being a good year. Course, I can downer and say all of the coulda, shoulda and woulda's, but I am not, I am going to try my best to be optimistic with the things I would like to achieve this year.

So anyways, things are going fine in terms of diet today. I just polished off my meatloaf with cauliflower casserole and green beans. Very good. I always enjoy myself when following Induction and Linda's recipes. It's just so wonderful that she was able to provide that wonderful resource. I don't have to search all over the internet or try to find recipes and tweak. She's already done all of the work and that is just wonderful!
Well, on to another day. I will probably weigh daily from now on so I can get an idea of how things are going. If I find that I am stalling for 5 or more days, I am going to have to change things. Alright, the party is started and it won't end until the way I see myself in my minds eye is a reality.

Okay, so now what?

2008-02-01T10:26:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I said I was getting started today, but now what? Well, terrific start as I haven't eaten anything yet and it is after 11 a.m. Spending time with the girls today. I don't have to work today and it is snowing so I won't be going anywhere today. I did get on the scale and sure enough 185. Yuck! I can't believe that I am staring at that number again. That is always the weight that I will speed up to. My body must be very comfortable around this weight. When I was off plan for a week before, I spun up to 183 in short order and it was also around this weight that I could not shake when doing KK. Fortunately though, I believe that I can pretty quickly get down to 175 if I get going. I am ready to get started again, but gosh something inside of me is tired. I have been at this weight loss thing since last May and while I have been off plan several times, I really feel tired. I am so tired of doing the on again, off again thing. I just wish it wasn't so complicated. At least when I was fat, I could pretty much do what I wanted and didn't have to worry about getting fatter. I don't know, it just is getting really old, this whole routine. I love some of the meals that I prepare low carbing, but that is part of it. There is soooo much preparation. I am tired of preparing all of these meals. Plus, I really don't feel that Atkins speaks to my soul the way that BFL does. I really, really want to eat clean. Unfortunately, the foods that I ate while doing BFL were some of the grossest ever! I mean, the chicken and green beans were good, but come on....that's low carb! I mean, I just didn't enjoy it. I know I didn't really give it a fair shake. The other part is I feel that I have gained so much weight that right now BFL isn't the right plan. I almost feel like I need to lose some more weight by low carbing and then try it again.

But that is part of my problem. I am so tired of being caught up in this weight thing. I just want the weight off already! Since stopping KK, I have not been pleased with the scale. I cannot seem to get past 166 and then when I go off plan, I end up in the 180's again! I mean that is just frustrating. But where does that put me? Back in the mode of I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! Yeah, sure, I will get on Atkins and it will probably have me back at 166 in a few weeks, then what? Go on some extremely strict Stillman's plan that offers no variety and lessens my will to live? Oh my gosh! Losing weight shouldn't be this hard or this complicated. It just shouldn't be. I wish I had never let myself get fat to begin with and then this would all be a non-issue.

Okay, my whining is out and let me face the facts:

FACT #1 - I'm getting fat again.
FACT #2 - I'm not happy being fat again.
FACT #3 - I'm tired of dieting.
FACT #4 - I do love working out.
FACT #5 - My schedule is very busy.
FACT #6 - I've lost 75 lbs in 4.5 months.
FACT #7 - I want to look slim, healthy and foxy.

Now, based on those facts, what now?

Okay, so I know that I am not done yet. It is extremely important for me to not be fat and to lose the excess weight. In my facts, I notice that I didn't say I want to reach 136 because I still don't think that is of prime importance. In my minds eye, I see myself a certain way and I have no idea what that weight is. I feel like when I arrive there, I will know. I do love working out and I do feel that doing this regularly will help me reach my goals and I feel that it will help me to stay in a frame of mind conducive to losing weight. I am tired of dieting, so I think it is important for me to find a plan where I don't feel like I am on a diet. It's not just a state of mind of me that I can just rearrange and say "I'm not on a diet", like a mantra or something. I need to be on a plan that helps me reach my goal, that I don't feel deprived or like I have to watch every little thing that goes in my mouth. So what plans are like that? A plan where I enjoy the food and don't have to watch every little bit. I mean, I understand that in order to lose, there must be restrictions, but let me think....

Okay, I stepped away for a bit and honestly, I do believe that I enjoy myself doing Atkins and when following Linda's recipes, I don't feel restricted. I feel like I enjoy myself very much, perhaps too much even. I think that if by following Atkins, I can reach my goal size, it really would be the best way for me to reach my goal without feeling deprived and without feeling I have to worry about everything I put in my mouth. I think that is very important. I also feel that working out is very important and I find that when I workout consistently, I am more apt to stay on plan and they go hand in hand. I realize that I may have to do a stint here and there of Stillmans to get past set points, but those will be totally temporary, then back on Atkins I go. I have to stick to this plan. I feel it is the most reasonable and attainable way for me right now. I guess I just needed to convince myself of it.

Okay, I am ready to get on plan. I better go fix myself something to eat. With my research that I have been doing over the past couple of weeks, I am alot more comfortable with low carbing, supplements and working out. I think they all go together to improve my health which is what this is all about. Ultimately though, I do want to eat cleaner because I know that this will extend to my family which is soo very important. At this time, I truly feel that following Atkins, while working out is a happy medium for me to reach my goals and to look and feel great everyday.

Wow, Slim's Journey to Health....What a bumpy road. :)

Slaaaaacker!

2008-01-31T21:22:00.001-06:00

My goodness, I never knew that I could be such a slacker. I went off plan and a few days has turned into a few weeks. Oy! I had no idea. Part of my problem is that I was planning on starting BFL and trying to do research and fit everything in and in the meantime, absolutely NOTHING was getting done. Very frustrating because in the meantime, I am getting fat all over again. In normal off plan fashion, I have gained like 20 lbs. I can't believe it, but when I got on the scale, I am 185 lbs again! That is the reason that I had originally decided to get down to 136 because I gain so terribly when I get off plan. I think it is great that the pounds come off so well when you are low carbing, but the weight comes back with a fierceness when you go off plan. I think it is terrible that it does that. It IS real weight too. I can definitely see the mass in my thighs. I am definitely wearing my fat clothes now.

The difference between when I have lost weight in the past and now is that I know that I am getting back on plan and I know that I am going to lose the weight and reach my goal. Only thing is...Is this going to be the rest of my life? Maintaining? I mean, do I have to do the off plan GAIN on plan lose the rest of my life? Man, that is a terrible cycle to have to be on. Especially when I gain so much. Sometimes you just want to be able to eat without thinking about it. If it is low carb or not. I am definitely going to try to help my daughters stay slim. Once you get fat, I think it is a constant battle and I really hate that it has to be this way.

In any event, I am not giving up. I am not pleased at this weight and I am not going to stop until I reach my goal. Yeah, I slacked quite a bit, but I don't believe that it is anything that cannot be reversed. Tomorrow is February 1st and I plan to get restarted. It is very early in the new year and I still feel that my Bassett Body is a possibility, but I definitely have to get on the stick.

I have been through so many ways of thinking, but this is where I am at as of today. I am going to do a type of Cycle down to 136. Yep, I am back at an actual weight again vs. jeans size. I just gain so horribly, that I think that 136 I should be pretty safe. Anyways, I will do an Atkins/Stillman's cycle until I reach my goal. After that I will follow the 5-4-3-2-1 approach from Buffmother and start truly buffing. Oh yeah, Buffmother is one of my finds since I have been away. She is a mother of 4 and she looks wonderful. She even has a set of twins in there. She really has some neat ideas and inspires me so much to push forward so that I can reach my goals. If she can do it, so can I and since she has done so much of the work, I just need to follow it.

I am thinking that it will take me around 4-6 months to get to 136. If I was following KK, it would more than likely be sooner, but I just can't go down that road again. Well, tomorrow it begins. It all begins. Slaaaaacker no more!

Make it a Fun Day!

2007-12-28T19:59:00.000-06:00

Yep, still low carbing, but very loosely. Right now, I am eating some cream cheese, mixed with Splenda and vanilla. Tastes good, just like cake frosting. It's okay though, because I know that on January 2nd, I will be on plan and going strong. I must say though, I am looking forward to my days off. Today and tomorrow are merely formalities. I know that I don't want to be off plan more than a few days because it will just knock me back into that stupid 170 that I can't get out of. Either way though, I am going to enjoy myself for a few days. I still can't decide if it is going to be Sun-Tues or if just Mon-Tuesday. Either way, it is going to be a multi-day splurge. At first it was only going to be on January 1st, but then I decided, what the hey! Just do it and HAVE FUN!

Really, I want 2008 to be more about FUN! I want my hubby and I to reach our weight loss goals, and make spiritual things a priority, but I also want us to have fun. Maybe take a dance class together. Have a date night at least once every 6 weeks or so. We have been so wrapped up in finances and other responsibilities that this year was not very fun. I hope to change that. I think a large part of it is lack of planning. If I plan out what we will do, more than likely it will happen. I say more than likely because I realize things come up, but with planning, I think we can live life with more fun in it! The twins have changed our lives so dramatically and since they need so much more of us now, I think we are just adjusting. Now that we are over the initial shock, I think that it is time for us to change the way things are going and I think it will be alot smoother going forward.

Well, speaking of changes for 2008, we have decided to experiment a little with our diet. We are going to go in cycles MONTHLY! For the first 2 weeks of the month, we will do Induction, then after that, we will move on to a phase that allows treats to satisfy my husbands sweet tooth and then 1 day per month, we will have an eat what we want day. I really don't think that 1 day per month will hurt it. The weight may come off of hubby a little slower, but I think it will work long term and that is what we are looking for, plus it will be a lot more FUN!

I've changed my thoughts on something (wow, think of that)! Anyways, I have decided to not have a set goal weight, but have a set goal jeans size. I am going to buy some jeans tomorrow, then try them on January 2nd. Stan will take a pic of me and my progress. Probably won't be able to pull them up much past my knee but that is okay. At the beginning of my weight loss journey, I started out with a lot of jeans fitting that way, but now are either too big or fit perfect, so that doesn't bother me 1 iota! Gives me something to shoot for besides a certain number on the scale. For too long, the scale has had such power over me and I am going to relinquish the scale of that power. I would be scooting along just fine only to step on the scale and my mood goes through the floor. So in 2008, while I still plan to weigh from time to time, it won't be daily, probably not even weekly. It'll probably be more like monthly. With the weights I will be lifting, I know that my weight is probably going to go up, the first month especially. I really want a stronger and fit body, like Mrs. Bassett and I know that I can do it, but I've got to get my mind right. Hopping on the scale on the daily basis, even weekly won't help me at all. So my determination is to focus on how my jeans fit and how I look and feel. I will use those as my gauges for success, not the scale. I think that sounds alot more FUN!

Breaking the Chains

2007-12-26T20:08:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how much of a stronghold the scale had on me. I was so tied up in what I am going to weigh on January 1st, that I wasn't paying attention to the dark KK road that I was going down. Did I really want to go through fear of food again? Fear of working out? Fear of drinking drinking sugar free lemonade? Wow, just amazing. But I guess that is why so many followed the plan to begin with. It offered weight loss with virtually no stalls and anyone could do it. No matter if you wanted to lose 5 lbs or 500. Everyone could do it. Through the plan, you were able to circumvent your bodies' mechanisms so that you would lose no matter what. Hey, the plan works, but it really is not a fun way to lose weight. BUT, as of today, I am down 75 lbs and I am happy about it. I did go ahead and get on the scale since it was out and saw that I was at 166. Kewl! However, it is not lost upon me that this was the weight that I was at at least 2 months ago when I left KK. Given, I have been off plan a few times and doing other things, but I know that if I had continued with KK, I would either be at goal or very very close. That is kinda of bittersweet and probably the reason that I even bothered with it again. It's at too high of a price.

My goals for next year are much different. For one, I will be going by pants size. I have decided that I am going to buy a pair of size 8 jeans that I really like. They won't be stretch jeans or anything, just pure old size 8 jeans. I am going to keep Low Carbing and working out and keep trying the pants on and take pictures. I am sure at this juncture, I will be doing good to get 1 leg in them, but that is okay. It will really give me an idea of where I am starting and how far I come. I'll pick out my jeans and try them on January 2, 2008 and ask my hubby to take pics. Oh, the humiliation. :), but it will be wonderful when I can zip and button those suckers up. I think I will be singing Irene Cara's "What a Feeling!!" :)

I think that pictures really tell the tale. I can really see the progress I have made when I see pics of the past. I am so happy that I found the motivation to find and stick to a plan and lose the weight. Now, I just have to find a plan that will work for my husband. I was seriously thinking of switching over to Carb Addicts Diet, but I see such a low rate of success with that, I don't feel it is worth the time or the aggravation. I mean, even though, I won't be focusing on the scale as much, I know it will be frustrating for Stan to get on the scale and never see a loss. What we will probably end up doing is getting on Induction on January 2nd for however long it takes to get into ketosis and then as soon as he can move on to phase 2, move on. That way he can have some of the low carb desserts and hopefully still lose. The only problem is he has so much more weight than I have to lose and I don't want him to stall. We have to find an adjustment and a way that will work for him. That is why I was really looking forward to starting on CAD, but I really don't think it is going to work and it is not worth it for me to start the plan only to gain or mess up. So, more than likely, we will do Atkins and hopefully that will be the route to get us to goal.

My goal of size 8 jeans! Yeah! My husband is shooting for a specific weight, but maybe that is best since he has at least 75-80 lbs to lose. He is carrying alot of weight and I really want him to get it off. Too, since I have lost, I think it really bothers him that he is still heavy. It bugged me to death when he was like "I have to have something sweet". My old KK mentality was get over it! Toughen up! But after a little while I realized that 1) it wasn't very nice or caring 2) not everyone can stick to that type of plan and it wasn't fair for me to expect him to. So, I am going to find a plan that works for my husband and also get me to goal. I will probably end up sticking with Atkins, but there are so many plans out there and there will be the right one for my hubby.

New Year, New Me!

2007-12-25T20:33:00.000-06:00

Well, today, I actually got on the scale. I have decided that I am not too concerned with how much I weigh on January 1st. I may not even weigh on January 1st. I am just so tired of being caught up in the numbers game. What will I weigh on January 1st? What can I do to reach 159? I am so glad to be over that. It just took me a little while to get to this point.

Anyways, the scale read 167 this morning, so I am happy about that. Happy to finally be in the 160's again! Of course, I would really love to be 165, but again, I am not going to get caught up in these numbers.

Next year, I am going to really be working on fat loss and building muscle. Right now, I am planning on doing Supersets and variety for 4-6 weeks. Then I will move on to Slow and Heavy workouts. Cardio workouts will be interval training. I am looking forward to gettng started. I joined a new check in on my fitness forum and looking forward to my new body.

Next year is not going to be about the numbers on the scale. It is really going to be about toning up and building up and dropping pants sizes. So, that is going to be my focus. I am so tired of the scale dictating my moods and how I feel about myself and my efforts. I am ready for a new perspective and new body in the coming year!

Enough!

2007-12-24T22:15:00.000-06:00

Well, I meant to journal last night, but by the time I thought about it, I was in bed and wasn't about to get up and post. Last night, I decided to enjoy myself, still low carb, but not chicken and turkey. I decided to make a low carb pizza and boy was it good. I had all intentions of getting up and going chicken, egg and turkey, but changed my mind. I have now said ....ENOUGH!!!

No more deprivation!
No more borderline starving!
No more...I'm finished!

I haven't weighed myself, but I truly believe that I am now in the 160's and holding. I am within 20 or so pounds of goal weight, WHY AM I PUSHING MYSELF LIKE THIS??!! Who stinkin' cares if I am 160 something on January 1st? Would it be nice if I was, sure, but that is not the end all. So, I have decided that this deprivation mentality that I have to reach goal is preposterous and I am not going to do it anymore.

When I did KK, I lost and because I lost such a great amount of weight in such a small amount of time, I think it conditioned me psychologically to think that this was the only way to do it, when in actuality, it is not. I don't have to deprive myself to reach my goal. I just have to stick it out and be consistent in eating clean and working out. No more of this. The year is ending and I am closing the book on this WOE. It's not healthy and I am unhappy.

I have been reading a book called Carbohydrate Addict Diet and it has been a good read. According to this plan, you eat low carb for breakfast and lunch and each evening have a balanced reward meal. How kewl is that? When I read it initally, I couldn't quite understand how that was possible, but then when I read on, it really does make sense. If I could get to goal following this type of plan, I know I wouldn't feel deprived or like I am following something that I couldn't stick to for life. I really like low carbing, so I don't have a problem with that, it is the way that I have been following it that has been a problem. I really don't know how I got caught up in all of this again. I think that I was thinking I could reach a certain number by the end of the year, but forget about it! I'll just be happy that I have my health and that I have the new body that I have now. Enough is Enough!

Day 14: Just 9 Days to Go!

2007-12-22T21:15:00.000-06:00

Yep, I am a little excited that I've got 14 days under my belt. For awhile there, I didn't think that I would make it this far. I just felt sooo overwhelmed with life and soooo underwhelmed with what I was eating. Now that I have added in a little cream with the garlic chicken, that has helped alot. I only hope that it does not affect my rate of weight loss. But I know it probably will. As soon as I make my food to start tasting like something...STALL! When I am eating bland, yuck mouth food, weight loss is just fine. I may try to strict things back up again on Monday. No cream, oil etc. At that point I will have a full week to bring things together. I really hope that TOTM doesn't rear it's ugly head on December 31st. That will be a real bummer. Who wants to bring the New Year in that way? Course my body has always found a way to be due at the most inopportune times, so I probably will. I hate to be negative, but that is how things usually turn out. I guess I am not being negative, I am being realistic.

Speaking of being realistic, what is the probability of really reaching 159? At this point, I am going to call it victory if I am under 165. When I get under 165 that is the smallest I have been in at least 10 years. The smallest I have been since I have lost weight recently is 166, so anything under 165 I will take and be happy about it. Today I am wearing some jeans that were quite snug a few weeks ago, but feel fine now. I hate when jeans are really tight and it feels uncomfortable to sit. I can't remember the last time I wore jeans to work (outside of recently). Having to sit all day, if the jeans are tight or uncomfortable in anyway, I don't want to sit there in them. Plus, I hated wearing jeans when I was really heavy. Always rubber waisted pants that were comfortable. I dunno. Maybe that is the price of being slim and trim, tight uncomfortable jeans. :) Maybe they aren't that uncomfortable but in view of the fact that I am so used to wearing loosey goosey pants for so long, anything kinda snug is uncomfortable. Who knows?

I know one thing though, I am LOVING my new body. It is just so exciting to fit into a pair of jeans. Just that simple...fitting into a pair of jeans that aren't plus size. Today, I have my size 12 jeans on and they are comfy. It's a very empowering feeling.

I do feel that something is definitely shifting. I don't know that it is going to reflect on the scale next Tuesday, but I know something is going on. I tried on several size 10 items (skirts and suits) and I was able to button them up and everything. Previously, 10's were just a dream, but now they fit. That is really something. So something has got to be happening. Gotta be and I am very excited. It is plausible that in the next week to 10 days, those 10's will be fitting perfect! Man, how kewl would that be to enter the new year as a size 10! Wow! I would absolutely love that! We will see!

Allright, 14 days down, 9 more to go! Come on Slim, YOU CAN DO THIS!

Day 13: The 411

2007-12-21T11:45:00.000-06:00

This morning, I am finding that I really really want to weigh. I really want to know where I am. I have a feeling that I am stalled out at that nasty 170-172 mark. I don't know, but I just have that feeling. I KNOW that I am not in the high 170's or 180's, but I still feel like I could definitely still be around that area that I stalled out at before. I was reading a bit of this book called Carbohydrate Addicts and it says that you should weigh everyday. I know there are so many theories out there, but it says that your body weight fluctuates so much, so weighing daily really tells you what you really weigh. I dunno. If I don't weigh today, I am thinking of weighing Sunday. That will be a full 2 weeks since I started and I can see what 2 weeks of eating strict has done for me. I know that since I was off plan and ate tons of carbs that I had to be in the 180's again, but since I didn't weigh, I don't know for sure. If I find that I am still stalled at 170-172, I don't know what I am going to do. That is part of the reason that I had decided NOT to weigh, because I didn't want to have to see if I had stalled and could stick it out until the 1st. I may be horribly tempted to throw in the towel on the WOE if I am stalled at the same weight even though I am eating much cleaner and stricter than I was previously.

I just read Tawn's post and she said that she switched and was eating KK style for a few days and there was no change in the scale. I should would hate to think that I am eating this strict and not losing any better than before. That is why I am thinking of weighing. If it really isn't doing anything, why go through the strictness and feeling of deprivation. NOW, if I get on the scale and it does say 165 or something, that is a horse of a different color. I will definitely stick to it and I will feel like the probability of reaching my goal or darn close is very high. But if still at 170-172, I may just step back and do Atkins the rest of the year. I soooo love my cauliflower and brocolli and cheese soup. I have still been itching, so I dunno what is up with that. I will just have to see.

It's a pretty safe bet that if I am still at 170 when I weigh on Sunday, that I will discontinue what I am currently doing and move on to Induction. I enjoy myself so much more. But it may be that I need to cycle up and down. Perhaps the 2 weeks that I have done it was good enough to shake things up. Who knows, but I do really believe that I am going to weigh when I get up Sunday morning. So if nothing is happening, I will know that it is time to change things up. Probably should make sure that I drink plenty of water over the next few days. I have really been trying, but still I don't think that I have been getting in what I should. I do the best I can though.

There are so many awesome low carb recipes out there. I soo want to try those chocolate cream cheese muffins on LCD. Oooooo Weeee, I want to try those so bad. Also Stan has an insatiable sweet tooth and I know that he would love to have something like that. He has been hanging in there eating low carb even though he has been very tempted to come off . I hope if he decides to weigh on Sunday that he has lost some more weight. I hope so.
_____________________________________________________________
Okay, it is later on in the day. I have been pondering all day and I think I am just going to go ahead and wait until January 1st to weigh. At least that is how I feel right now. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow. My other fear is I feel that TOTM is going to come on December 31st and I KNOW that will affect my weigh in. What a crummy way to bring on the new year. Anyways, as of now, I am just going to wait and HOPE that I reach 159 and/or defintely under 165.

Well, I guess that's the 411 Hun for today!

Day 12: Still Hanging in There

2007-12-20T10:35:00.000-06:00

Well, this morning on the way into work, I was thinking about all that has transpired in regards to health and fitness for myself this year. I am so excited that I took control of my health and future and actually lost the weight and plan to KEEP IT OFF! I have lost weight before in my life, but never really cared enough to keep the weight off. My girls are my inspiration. I do not want the girls to grow up thinking it is okay to be overweight and what else would they think if mom is overweight? So I feel that I have definitely done a good thing for myself and my family.

I can't wait until January 2, 2008. That will be the first day of my Bassett Body Challenge. I so badly want to shape up and lose the excess fat. I am looking forward to lowering my body fat and hopefully that will help to lose the flab around my mid section. I am also looking forward to decreasing the size and changing the shape of my hips and butt. I am hoping to build my upper body so that by the time summer rolls around I can wear tanks and have nice muscular arms. Wow, I cannot wait until things start moving and I can really see the transformation.

Yes, I know, I know, thinking too far into the future, but I have to plan. I know my body and I know that doing a ton of squats and lunges are only going to make my hips and thighs expand. No No No, don't want that, so I am going to be focusing on toning exercises for my lower body. I will be doing more endurance type workouts for the lower body and hopefully the repetition of toning exercises will help to change the shape and size of my lower body. I can only try for awhile and see how that works.

For my upper body, I plan to lift slow and heavy because I do want the muscle gains and strength. Since I want totally different effects for my lower body than my upper body, I guess it makes sense that I have to work each section differently. I plan to take pics 1x per month to make sure I can see the changes along with way. Pictures really tell alot. Well, this is my morning part of my journal. I may add to it later on today for how the diet actually went. So far so good. Hanging in there!

For dinner tonight, I had some creamy garlic chicken and my 15 minute fried green beans. Wow, that was really good. Much better than that nasty lunch that I had. I grabbed 3 chicken tenders and threw some worcheshire sauce and seasoning on them. Well, I microwaved it and work and Yuck! That was just nasty. I won't be doing that again and I wasted my chicken. Oh well, at least dinner was very good.

I am still hanging on. Again, I am feeling pretty good and pretty positive. I am still hopeful that I can reach my goal by January 1, 2008.

Day 11: Better, Much Better

2007-12-19T13:44:00.000-06:00

Well, so far today has been much better. I think eating what I ate yesterday was very very good for me. I think I needed a break. Actually, I kinda like how it worked out. I was eating pretty strict and it was a cheat for me to continue to low carb but with higher fats and higher carbs than usual. Cycling it! That's pretty kewl! I may have to do that at least 1 more time before January 1st comes, but that is okay. I will be able to enjoy myself a little and still lose hopefully.

The problem when your diet is very restrictive you feel like when you go off plan, you have to eat everything in sight. I really don't like that. When I was researching a little bit about Angela Bassett, I found that her trainer uses a plan called the 5 factor plan. It involves a specific diet and exercise, however, I loved the fact that each week you have a cheat day. On that cheat day, you can eat whatever you want. Pizza, doughnuts, whatever you fancy. I think the BFL plan was like that as well. I really like that idea. Kinda gives you something to look forward to.

Between that and that Carbohydrate Diet book that I was reading the other day, I am really feeling that it is important to research other plans. Plans that aren't so restrictive and not necessarily low carb all of the time. I know for a fact there is no way that I am going to go without my favorite low carb treats for the rest of my life. I dunno. I guess I can look at it that it would be nice to have 1 cheat day every week or I could just live my life generally low carb and whenever I feel I want a cheat day, DO IT! I guess I don't have to have a set day each week or a meal each day to cheat. But it does sound nice.

The Carbohydrate Diet actually sounds nice, especially when I get to goal or very close to it. I mean, I eat a specific way for breakfast and for lunch and then for dinner whatever I want as long as it is eaten within 1 hour. That sounds like a great way to maintain, but I don't know about losing. I know I don't want to have to be in ketosis the rest of my life. I will figure all of this out. Right now, I am still quite a few pounds away from goal. Even if I do reach 159 by January 1, 2008, I still have 23 lbs to lose to reach 136. So, I still have quite a bit of work ahead of me.

I looked at my stomach this morning and I am looking quite a bit slimmer. My stomach area looks smaller. Since the girls, a flat stomach seems to be a thing of the past, but I will just to work towards it. All I can do is all I can do toward my Bassett Body!!

Anyways, today has been okay. I ate my chicken and fried green beans which I really enjoyed. Drinking water and doing allright. I am glad that I cycled up for a day. I feel that it helped to rejuvante me. Because I feel much better today than I had and I should still be in ketosis. So, I am ready! 12 more days to go and I KNOW that I can do it!

Day 10: Bad Girl...And I'm Not Sorry

2007-12-18T23:15:00.000-06:00

I went from a Mean Girl to a Bad Girl. I have been struggling a tad, here and there and today I was a Bad Girl. :( I threw down today. I just couldn't help myself. I am really tired of chicken and turkey, so I splurged. I still ate low carb - Atkins Induction, but still I feel like it is really going to hold me back from continuing to lose. Today I ate 3 servings of the Italian casserole, a salad with cheese and bacon bits and right now I am eating buttercream frosting made out of cream cheese butter, splenda and vanilla. It is all soooo good, but I really feel like I messed up, even though I am still low carbing.

Sometimes, I think I should not plan so far into the future. Instead of planning for a month or 2 weeks even, just take 1 day at a time. When I lost all of the weight, I know that I challenged myself to remain cheat free for a long period of time, but still I didn't really plan for too far into the future. I think it is a little harder now because there are other foods in the house that I can actually eat (Italian Casserole, Meatloaf, Taco Bake) that I prepare for my husband that wouldn't make me gain, just not lose. Part of the reason is that I made the Italian Casserole for my hubby and then he said it was too greasy and could not eat it, so it would end up going to waste. Certainly wouldn't want that, plus I love it so much.

Anyways, so while I cheated on my personal plan, I continued low carb, so I am not going to beat myself up about it. I have all intentions of going back to chicken and turkey tomorrow. I think I just needed a break and some variety. Also, just so much going on, I think it is hard to continue that way. At this point, I am so beyond following the restricitve plan of before and can't stick with it beyond a few days. Amazed that I did it so long before.

Well, I will see how things go tomorrow. 1 day at a time!

Day 9: To Continue or Not to Continue

2007-12-17T14:00:00.000-06:00

Oh, I have so many thoughts swimming around in my head right now. I am certainly in a debacle, but through this entry, I am going to have to figure out how to proceed. Right now, I am following a plan that is basically low carb, but very strict. I drink nothing but water, and I stick with poultry and veggies. Is there anything wrong with that? I am not sure. I guess I need assurance that it is okay. It scares me a little because the way that I am eating now closely resembles KK and I don't want to do that.

I know what I want to do for 2008, I just don't know what I am going to do right now. I still have 14 days that I was planned on sticking to this. Like I said, I need to determine if I feel that this way of eating is safe or unsafe and if I truly feel that it will help me to reach my goals. Okay, let me think about it...

Yesterday, I ate 2 servings of chicken and 2 or 3 servings of veggies. While it may not be the most balanced way of eating, I don't think that it is dangerous or unhealthy. I should probably eat more, but right now, my life is so busy and I am trying to stay away from certain foods which does make it difficult. Excuses. But truly, most lc plan include cheese and that is really helpful in recipes, but since I am not eating it, I am limited. Let me think some more...

Okay, since I am only planning on sticking with this for 2 more weeks, I think it is important that I find recipes that allow me to eat this way healthfully. Like the chicken and green beans that I have been eating, I don't feel that is unhealthy at all and I enjoy it very much. I need to find more like this. Perusing LCF recipe section, I just found a recipe for beef and brocolli that sounds really, really good. I know it says beef and brocolli, but I am going to change it to chicken and brocolli since I am trying to do chicken and turkey only.

Okay, I feel much better now. I just didn't want to feel like I was going down that path to disorder type eating. Been there, done that and don't want to go there again. Being slim is not what health is all about, especially if my health is ruined along the way. It is important to me that I make positive changes in my life and not live in the way that I am just reaching a goal, no matter the cost. Since I truly feel that there is nothing wrong with the way that I am eating, especially in the short term, I will continue on as planned through December 31st, 2007.

Day 8: Frustrating, but I've Made It Another Day!

2007-12-16T22:10:00.000-06:00

Well, the day started out frustrating. Little Mia woke me up around 4 A.M. and unfortunately, it takes time for me to get back to sleep. I didn't get to bed until 1:00 to begin with, but after 3 hours Mia woke me and then it took me almost 2 hours to go back to sleep, so I was just laying there. Then the alarm clock went off when I was good and asleep. I almost didn't get up, but I know how important it is to get to the meetings, so I got up, got the girls dressed and got myself ready only to get there and find out that the meeting has been canceled. I was not happy! Apparently, someone had called to tell us, but called my cell phone, but my cell was dead, so I did not get the message. That was frustrating. So, I was tired, but since I volunteered to come in to work, I had to go to work today. It wasn't a bad or hard day or anything, but it is my day with Stan and the girls. I will be off Tuesday though. I dunno. It is just frustrating. It just seems like lately, we keep falling between the cracks. Basically solidifies to me that we are responsible for ourselves. My time and energy is too important to be wasted depending on others. The next time bad weather rolls around, I am going to call around and make sure and not wait for someone to call. Whole thing makes no sense.

As far as my eating plan goes, I am still doing okay. Today, I made some butter rosemary chicken and ate my fried green beans. Wow, I love those and they are the difference between me sticking to the plan and not. I have a head of cauliflower in the refrigerator and I am thinking of making mock mashed potatoes tomorrow. We will see. I don't want to go out tomorrow if I don't have to. The weather is bad and I don't want to take the girls out unnecessarily. Plus, it will be nice to have 1 day where I don't have to go anywhere.

Stress is just a terrible thing. It can really affect you in so many ways. My hubby is stressed lately and having a hard time sticking to the plan. He is sticking to the plan, but really struggling. I tell ya, if I could eat what he is eating, I would not be strugggling at all. At least I say that right now. I sure do miss my taco bake and meatloaf. Today I fixed him an Italian casserole and it looked and smelled so good, but I couldn't have any. I have told myself that I am going to stay away from hamburger and cheese until the first of the year and I am going to do all I can to maintain that. The green beans are a HUGE help though. I am so happy to have a side that I enjoy to go along with the chicken and turkey.

I came across a book called "The Carbohydrate Addict Diet". I have not read the whole book, but what I have read of the plan so far is kind of interesting. It allows you to eat what you want EVERYDAY! You have to eat within certain parameters for breakfast and lunch, but dinner, you can eat whatever you want as long as you do it all within 1 hour. Sounds interesting, but trying to figure our how you lose weight that way. It said that you can lose like 2 lbs per week, which I guess is like any plan, but just interesting that you can have whatever you want for dinner. It even said dessert, have 2 servings if you like. I have to read more about it. I was thinking that may be a perfect way to transition without gaining all my weight back. One meal a day eat what I want. I don't want to have to be in ketosis my entire life to maintain my weight. The other day when I made oatmeal for my girls, I couldn't even taste it first to make sure it tasted alright, because I am not allowed. For the past several months, I have thought that I would like to maintain lcing for life, but I am not so sure anymore. Ultimately, I think that I will want to move on to a regular way of living, but I just don't want all of the fast food, but that is a choice that I can make.

So while this day had some frustration, I would say overall it was an okay day. No real temptations or anything. I think I am at the point that I have more days behind me than in front of me to meet my goal, and that is very exciting. Day 8 -- GOODBYE!

Day 7: Day of Mixed Emotions

2007-12-15T18:11:00.000-06:00

Well, I have went from bliss to tears to rage and to happiness all in one day. I should probably say within a few hours. I was very close to throwing in the towel today because I have been so anxious and just on edge. I was at that point where I felt like I was ready to pounce on anyone that made me mad at any moment. Like I said I cried today and talked to Jehovah and I feel that is exactly what I needed to do. As Ps 55:22 says, we should throw our burdens on Jehovah and he will sustain us and help us to get through and He really did. I feel so much better. Better than I have this whole week. I talked to my hubby and he instantly said "You sound so much better". I must have been sounding like a real witchy woman for the past few days.

It's amazing that this has only lasted days because it has seemed like an eternity. I could just feel that cloud over me and it doesn't seem to be there anymore. Could have just been major PMSing, but in any event, I am not feeling that anymore and I am glad. I am actually pretty optimistic about sticking to my plan through the end of the year and pretty excited. I came across an awesome recipe on Low Carb Friends called 15 Minute Fried Green Beans. Mmmmm Mmmmm they are so good and soooo easy. I couldn't believe it. Having those as a side will definitely help me over the next few weeks. That was part of the hard part. I couldn't figure out what to eat with the chicken or turkey and I'm sorry turkey or chicken alone can be quite bland and BORING, so I am sooo very happy to have found this recipe. I had some today with RotisserieTenders and I am very pleased. I will definitely be making plenty of those over the next few weeks. Gives me the change from salad with no cheese mind you. :(

Well, along with my desire to have Angela Bassett's Arms, I've changed my mind on something. (Surprise, Surprise) Yes, I still want to be 159 for the new year, but 2008 is not going to be about weight per se. I definitely have my weight goal that I would like to reach, but clearly I love muscles. I love strength. Being strong and looking in shape. So, instead of focusing on hitting a certain number, I believe my focus will be about fitting a certain size of jeans and being toned. If I continue to eat pretty clean, up the protein possibly and workout consistently to my hard pushers - Cathe, Amy Bento, etc, I will have the muscle tone and body that I desire. I never ever wanted to be skinny, just slim and toned -- buffed!! :) So that is going to be my target! I am excited. In my adult life, I have never been so close to getting to the body that I have always wanted. I am pumped and motivated and ready to get those Angela Bassett Arms and size 8 jeans! Woo Hoo!

So, like I said, today has been a day of mixed emotions. I have been happy, sad, mad, despondent, but right now I am feeling pretty good and ready to push forward. 159 here I come!

Day 6: Mean Girl

2007-12-14T17:30:00.000-06:00

Well, Day 6 has been pretty uneventful. I went shopping today for 2 weeks. Yep 2 weeks. I planned out what everyone is going to eat for the next 2 weeks. I read that the more you go to the grocery store, the more money you spend, so try to go as few times as possible. Unfortunately, I remembered later a few things that I forgot, plus we may have the few items that are perishable that I have to go for, but for the most part, everything has been purchased for the next few weeks.

I am still hanging in there, although I am incredibly grumpy. My husband just attested to this, plus I can just feel it. I am definitely in a funk and I can't quite shake it. I don't know if it is the diet or just all the things that are going on. My job is annoying me to death, my sister is annoying me. It's like someone always wants something from me and I've only got so much to give. I think that I end up always giving too much and now I just can't take it anymore. No one seems to understand that I am married, work full time, twin toddlers, religious obligations, marital obligations and myself. My mom always wants me to take her somewhere, and I try to explain to her to utilize my other sister that actually lives with her. I try not to be rude about it, but I just can't help it. I am tired of nobody understanding that I have limitations and obligations to my family and myself. I can't do it all. I am not superwoman.

I have been biting my nails and overall grumpy. According to my husband it has been this way all week. He is attributing it to the diet and while that may have a part, I don't think it is all the diet. I just think that there are so many issues and they are really getting on my nerves and some is the diet. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place this week. I am trying to continue to eat low carb BUT with no cheese. Most of the recipes that I find include Cheese. It is very hard to not revert to KK without cheese. My selections are slim, so I do end up eating small amounts because who wants to eat loads of turkey or chicken with nothing else. It's a no brainer that my calories will be limited. I really wonder if it is the cheese. I had a little leftover green bean casserole and I did eat that the other day. I did itch, but I don't know if that was from the cheese or if it's just that whatever is in my system isn't completely gone yet. I am at an empass and don't quite know what to do.

I don't want to give up, because I still have my goal that I would like to reach by the first of the year. At the same time, there is just so much going on right now that it is hard to stick with such a restrictive plan, especially since I am sooooo NOT enjoying it. It really reminds me of the old KK days when I "Ate to Live". Boring, Boring Boring and Yucky somedays, but I stuck to it anyways, because I was losing weight. But what's that saying, "Anything worth having is worth working for?" I guess there are several ways to look at any situation. Depends on which one you are leaning towards.

I am not doing KK, but darn close. I just don't know what to do. I want to lose. I want to enjoy my food. I want to not be so grumpy. Am I wanting too much?

Day 5: A-okay

2007-12-13T22:23:00.000-06:00

Today has been okay. I am still on plan. I got a few good signs that I am on the right track. I remember when I was losing good before, I felt twitches. Well, I don't know if that is the right word or not, but I can feel that I am losing rapidly as before. I am feeling pretty positive that I am probably in the low 170's or quite possibly the high 160's. I don't know for sure because I am not stepping anywhere near a scale for 18 more days. Even though I don't know what the scale says, I am feeling pretty positive and that is a good thing.

Right now though, I am hungry. I am trying to figure out what to eat. Trying to figure out how to jazz things up. I was on a plan waaay more extreme than this and I always found plenty to eat, now I struggle with finding something. I am sure it will be something with turkey, but I have been trying to find recipes on what to put with it. Most everything adds cheese and I am really trying to stay away from that right now.

Anyways, other than the body twitches, nothing big happened today. Just glad to report that I am still on target and looking forward to sticking it out. Hard to believe that it has only been 5 days. I think that the last few days have been so stressful, plus TOM, so it has just been difficult to remain focused. I have had a headache everyday since starting for several hours. In any event, I am so glad that I did not give in the other day. I am very hopeful and intent on reaching my goal by the 1st and if I had messed up, I am sure I wouldn't. So anyways, another day down, on plan and set to continue.

Day 4: Back in Stride Again :)

2007-12-12T17:09:00.000-06:00

Well, I am glad that I stuck it out yesterday. Whew! Yesterday was just a tough day and I think I was really letting my nerves and frustration get to me. I am on plan today and really not too much struggling. I have eaten more buffalo flavored chicken and some turkey and some green beans. Plenty of water too, so I hope that things are doing better. When I looked in the mirror this morning, I really think that my face is thinner. I notice sometimes my face looks puffier than other times, so I was happy to see that my face looked a little thinner this morning. Woo Hoo! That means I may be on the right track!

I am really excited at the possibility of being 159 at the beginning of the year! That will just be so nice. I can hardly remember the last time that I was 150 anything, so this is exciting. The last time I do remember is on the cruise in 97', so that was a long long time ago and when I reach that weight, it will be something that I have not been able to achieve for soo soooo long. I lost weight for our 5 year anniversary, but the lowest I got was 169, about where I am right now and prior to that I can't really remember. When I was dating my husband, I think I was in the 160's, so I know it has been a long time. Wow, so if the cruise was 97', that means it has been 10 years! WOW! It's funny though, when I was 160'ish before, I never was satisfied with my weight, but I didn't really feel like I was fat either. Now, 160'ish isn't good enough. I really want to be slimmer and I NEVER want to let my weight get beyond say 175 again. The only exception is if we decide to have another baby and even then I want to be very careful and not gain excessively.

Well, I have decided my goal physique ---- Angela Bassett! That lady has the most awesome arms EVER! I would love to have her ARMS! I have always loved the look of toned arms and back and so my goal in 2008 is not only to reach my weight loss goal, but also have toned and muscular arms and back. I know that means that I really, really have to decrease my body fat, but I do believe that I will get there. It is just going to take some serious determination and consistency to get there. I will definitely be taking a before pic. My before pic will probably be my beginning of the year pic and then keep working hard throughout the year. I pretty much know what I need to do. I LURVE lifting weights, it just hasn't been what I have been doing because I know that I will gain on the scale. Once I get the weight down, decreasing my body fat and building muscle mass will be my goal.

Well, I better get going. Day 4 has been successful so far. Whew 4 down 19 more to go. :)

Day 3: Part II - Stuck it out!

2007-12-11T22:14:00.000-06:00

Well, I made it through the night. I made some buffalo chicken with bleu cheese. It was pretty good and it helped me to get through the day. I think that today was just a very frustrating day and I was letting that get to me. Today was just a really hard day. Not a single thing went right today, but I went to the book study anyways and I am glad that I did. I am glad that I didn't allow the terrible day to get me off plan or miss my meeting.

So anyways, 3 days down. I have a feeling that I am just going to have to take 1 day at a time and go from there. Can't really focus on 3 weeks from now or even tomorrow. Just today.

Day 3: Not so smooth

2007-12-11T15:00:00.001-06:00

Well, today I am really struggling. While I love the turkey, I must say I am getting a tad bored. I think that since I have been eating so good over the past few weeks/months, with cheese etc, it is really hard for me to leave it out. But what if cheese is the thing that is making me itch? I really haven't eaten much today. Almost like the days of KK, I didn't want anything that I could eat, so I pretty much ate nothing. I really don't relish going back to that way of thinking again. I am at the point though that I really don't know what to add. I think I am really struggling figuring out the happy medium between eating clean and KK. I think I am slowly reverting back to KK. I feel that fear of eating coming back. Fear of eating something that will make me stop losing. I had come so far, only to go back and that is very disconcerting.

It stinks. This is only day 3 and I am aleady thinking of going back to Atkins. This is just so hard. I'm really bored and really hungry. I feel like such a big baby that I can't even last a week. Why is that when I following the totally restrictive plan before. Now that I am trying to fashion my own plan, I am really struggling. I have such an opposition to following the other plan and I think it is hard for me to try to do something similar but not quite it. I dunno. Stupid TOM decided to start yesterday, so that always plays with my mind and makes me just not feel good. I just know that I really want to lose the remaining weight and stop itching. I will just have to see how tonight pans out. Right now, I just think that I am very bored and frustrated. It is funny how things change so much from one day to the next. I was so looking forward to sticking to this cleaner way of eating. So looking forward to it.

Well, let me think about this some more. I think subconciously I am reverting back to KK. But I don't want to follow KK. I think that in my mind, I want to lose the weight so badly, that I am allowing myself to do it. There are tons of meals that I can prepare with chicken and turkey that are delicious. My main thing was to stay away from ground beef and cheese. I can do that! I just don't know that I have confidence that I will lose weight. I think I know that on KK I can lose weight and that is why I am kinda doing it. Well, I am going to step away right now and figure out what I am going to do. I just hate that I am struggling so much today and I still have nearly 3 weeks to go.

Day 2: I'm doing allright...

2007-12-10T19:29:00.000-06:00

getting good grades, the future is so bright...I gotta wear shades. Ha Ha Ha

Yep, I am a little giddy. I just got finished working out doing Taebo - Billy's Favorite Moves. Wow, that was a PARTY IN A BOX! I just got this one in from Blockbuster and I just felt like kickboxing so I decided to try it. Fun, Fun Fun! I will be doing that one again really soon.

Dietwise, I am doing pretty good. My sweet mom baked a turkey for me, so I have been eating that and eggs. Boy is that turkey good. Turkey and salad basically for today. I will probably cook up some deviled eggs tonight so I will have them ready to go.

I am working hard to avoid turning this way that I am eating right now into the old plan. I really want to stay away from that. Like with the turkey, I am eating the skin. For salad, I am eating regular salad dressing, but no cheese. I am really having to think alot about it though because I really haven't eaten much today. I did eat a sweet egg white today. Course I knew going into this that I was going to be using some of the old recipes. Since I have decided not to weigh, I don't know what this hybrid plan is going to do for me. I hope that I do get past this silly slump of 170-180 that I am in. Well, I think tomorrow is exactly 21 days before January 1st, so I will know in the next 3 weeks.

My hubby has hidden the scale for me, so the temptation to get on it is out of my view. Typically the scale sits off from the kitchen, so I have to pass it several times a day and so it was easy to step on it to see how things were going. Fortunately, that is gone.

Day 2 hasn't been bad at all. I am basically eating when I am hungry. I am hoping to go into ketosis tomorrow or Thursday.

So how am I going to feel if when the January 1st arrives, I am still 165+? Well, I know for a fact that I am going to be upset. I plan to put my all into this for the next 3 weeks and really want to at least get under 165. I will probably call myself victorious just to be under that number. Would I love to be 159??!! ABSO-FRIGGIN-LOUTELY!!! But I realize that I can't force my body to lose. All I can do is do the best that I can do and whatever my body decides to do will happen. My body has already achieved alot this year alone (losing 70+ pounds) not to mention the fact that just 2 years ago, I gave birth to twins. So, I will just do the best I can in sticking to plan and not giving up and whatever will be, will be.

Well, I am off to go take a shower. I would say that Day 2 has been a success. All I have drank is water (no pop or Crystal Light) I have eaten mostly protein, I have taken my multivitamin and I am feeling pretty good. Best of all, I really have not been itching and I am so grateful for that! Whew!! I hope that this all continues.

Day One of Cleaner Eating

2007-12-09T13:39:00.000-06:00

Well, it's Day 1 and I am doin' alright actually. I had some turkey ham and eggs and later on going to have some chicken. I am focusing on drinking plenty of water. Itching hasn't been too bad today so far. Oh, how I hope that continues.

It's kinda odd that all of the sudden Atkins Induction stopped working for me. I know that I was going back and forth for awhile there, but then the last time that I was really trying to punch it to get past 170 it just totally stopped working. I don't know what is up with that, but it really is a shame because I really enjoyed Linda's recipes while doing Induction. I guess it is just as well though because I had to stop because of the skin problems anyways.

Well, I told my hubby my plan and he has agreed to hide the scale. He says he isn't going to weigh until January 1, 2008 either, so that will make it easy. He is going to continue on Induction and hopefully he will continue to see losses. I hope that I do as well. I didn't weigh this morning, so I have no idea where I am starting. The main thing is I know where I would like to be the next time I weigh. The scale messes with my head so much, so I am glad that it will have no factor in how the next few weeks pan out. This is kind of exciting! Like a challenge to myself to see what I can achieve. I tried on a pair of jeans the other day that were snug before, but now there is no way I am wearing them. Tooo tight and uncomfortable. I am really hoping that by the start of the new year, I will be able to wear them. Yay!

When I was doing the other plan, I did it very strictly so I don't really know what type of results to expect weightwise. I am basically eating cleaner, low carb. I guess only time will tell and hopefully the scale will be favorable on January 1st.

Ready to get started!

2007-12-08T21:09:00.001-06:00

Well, here I am. It is Saturday evening and tomorrow is the day I planned on getting started on a stricter plan. The itching has really been bad the past few days. I hope that whatever is in my system goes away over the next few days because this has been very bad. I think my body just needs a ROYAL FLUSH! Seriously!!! I am hoping that changing my diet will bring me a little bit of relief. My hubby is still going to be following Atkins Induction. So I will still have to prepare those wonderful meals for him while I have to K.I.S with chicken and salad. That's okay though. The sacrifice will be worth it to stop this incessant itching.

So, I am on target and ready to roll for tomorrow. I will be relying on some of the recipes from the other plan, but I will not do that plan. As everyone says if you MODIFY the plan, you aren't following that plan, so that is what I will be doing.

I must say it has been nice to be able to pretty much maintain my weight. When I came off of the other plan, I was so scared that I would gain back everything that I had worked so hard to lose. Being a part of LCD, has helped so much because I wouldn't have known what to do and would probably have gained it all back. LCD gave me a chance to get my bearings and figure out how to proceed. I was able to give myself a break and find alternatives and maintain my loss for the most part and that was wonderful. But now, I am tired of maintaining and I want to lose the rest of the weight.

I don't know yet, but Atkins may not be the plan for me to maintain my weight. It allows me to eat something that aggravates my skin and that is a No-No!!! I feel miserable just like the old days. That is unless I am able to find out what that something is and then I can just leave that out of my diet. I guess I will see soon.

So anyways, I am looking forward to tomorrow and ready to commit myself to making the change to a slimmer and scratch free me for the new year!

Time for a Change!

2007-12-07T17:38:00.000-06:00

My bod is doing nothing lately and I do mean nothing. I have added working out, albeit easy workouts, but still. I have not been losing well. My body just wants to do the 170-180 thing and it is driving me insane. Add to that the fact that I have been itching like crazy lately and that tells me that it is TIME FOR A CHANGE!

While Atkins seemed to work for awhile, I think I am already at that point that many spoke about - Major Stall! It's upsetting because I am quite a bit away from goal. Last time I weighed, I was doing the 176 thing. I hate that! Why can't I get to the 160's again??!! Plus this horrible, horrible itching. Well, I think I know what I have to do. I have to go back to basics.

One thing I know is that while I was following the other plan, my weight lowered and I never itched. Two things that are very important to me. While I never plan to follow that plan as written again, I learned that there are things that I can do to reach my goals of a slimmer body and skin that doesn't crawl.

I think that since the other plan was so simple, there wasn't alot of additives and preservatives. Something in all of the junk food that I eat aggravates my skin. The only way that I am going to find out what it is, is to go back to basics. Chicken, veggies. Foods that don't have alot of additives and allergens in them. Then I will slowly start to add things in to see if I have a reaction. I have a strong suspicion that the problem is cheese. I don't know, but I will certainly be paying attention as I start to add things in.

I won't lie, I have certainly been enjoying the meals I have prepared lately for my hubby and I. They have been delish, but the fact of the matter is, I have a goal to reach and right now those meals, as good as they are, are not helping me to reach my weight loss goal as I had originally thought. So now, my plan is to live year 32 of my life much smarter. Yep, on Sunday, I turn 32 years old. So, I figured, why not get started on Sunday? :) I plan to keep it simple until I reach my goal.

I will weigh on Sunday to find out where I am starting. It will be depressing, I know, but I've got to know where I am starting. I will not weigh again until January 1, 2008. That is definitely going to be a test of will and determination, but hey, I have shown that I have that in me over the course of my weight loss journey so far. I still have the same goal of reaching 159 by the end of the year. When I was at 170, it wasn't quite so unbelievable, but I have a feeling that I may be 180ish by Sunday, so I will just have to see. I am just so tired of playing the same game and losing the same weight over and over. I have come too far for this and I am tired of playing.

So, Sunday, it begans. More chicken, no ground beef. No cheese. For the simple fact that the itching will go away, I am looking forward to simplifying my eating and making these changes. In retrospect though, I am thinking, maybe I should not weigh on Sunday. If my goal seems unobtainable, it may discourage me before the 3 weeks are over. I'm thinking don't even bother weighing and just go for it! Either I will be 159 on January 1st or I won't, but knowing that I am 20 or 25 lbs out isn't going to help. Okay, so there it is...my plan.

Sunday, December 9th

- Basic eating plan - Chicken, Turkey salad and veggies. Fat only as needed.

- Continue with my workout rotation as I have designed.

- Try to drink mostly water. Diet pop and Sugar Free Lemonade only when craving is too strong.

That's it! Just K.I.S.S.

Why is life so busy?

2007-12-05T07:24:00.000-06:00

Wow, I can't believe that it is the 5th and it has been almost a week since my last entry. It's just been so crazy. Saturday morning (1:30 a.m.) to Saturday afternoon 4:00 p.m. I spent in the ER with my mom. Ugh, that was terrible. She was admitted, but when they released her, they still did not know what was wrong. I had a 3 1/2 day weekend, but that just blew by. There is just so much to do and so little time.

I started taking a new multivitaman called One a Day - All Day Energy formula. It apparently has some type of time release to help you keep your energy up throughout the day. I could really use this and hope that it does what it promises. Yesterday was the first day that I took it. Couldn't really tell a difference yet, but hopefully I will within the next week or so. There just seems like there is just so much to do. Too much! I am hoping that more energy will help me to fit more in.

On a good note, I started my exercise rotation on Monday. This week is dance workouts. I did Samba Brazilian Celebration workout. It was very fun and very flowing workout, plus I wanted to ease into working out again. I didn't want to get restarted with anything too strenuous or complicated and I think that fit the bill quite well.

Breakdown of Workouts for the next 8 weeks:

Wk 1 - Dance Workouts
Wk 2 - YBB
Wk 3 - UR
Wk 4 - Taebo
Wk 5 - Fitprimes
Wk 6 - Firms
Wk 7 - TLT's
Wk 8 - Cathe

So, I am really looking forward to sticking to this rotation. I found myself smiling while working out on Monday and that was a good thing. It felt good. I really enjoy working out, I just find that alot of times I don't have the time or energy. I am hoping that scheduling the time and using the new energy vitamins will help keep me on track with my rotation.

Well, I have quite a few errands and things to do today. I am rearranging the house right now, so right now virtually every room in the house is a complete mess. I am so tired of it. I am really hoping that I can have the house in order for the new year. Yep another thing to add to my list. Until I clear up this clutter though, I know that it represents the clutter in my life. It has to be done. We just can't continue like this. I want things to be very different for the new year. I know that we have to change the way we are doing things or else things will continue the way that they are and that is unacceptable. I realize that we are busy, but things have gotta change.