Slim's Journey to Health - I've Got This!

Visit my new blog - FINALLY!!! Ha Ha

2009-08-24T10:24:00.005-05:00

Sorry that I have taken so long. I see that I have gotten quite a few visits since I closed this blog. Unfortunately, really soon turned into several months. Well, my new journey has begun. Follow me at my new blog.... Slim By Design. Hope to see ya soon!

This Journey Ends

2008-12-29T19:47:00.002-06:00

It's now time for this journey to come to an end. What you say? Have you met your goal? Are you the epitome of health? Not even close. But sometimes, you need to end a journey to move on to something else that is better for you.

Stay tuned as I will be starting a new blog very soon!

Goal Jeans - Check!

2008-11-04T10:06:00.003-06:00

On my on-screen interview for the contest, I brought in a pair of jeans that I absolutely love, but no longer fit. When I was at 160'ish, that was when I looked my best in them. I think I tried them on about 3 weeks ago and those suckers were not coming up past my mid-thigh. Imagine my surprise when I tried them on yesterday and not only was I able to pull them all the way up but I was also able to zip them up and button them up!!!! AND I could breathe, so they weren't cutting off my circulation!!! I was so excited. Since the scale really isn't doing much, I didn't know what was going on with my body, but apparently I am losing some major inches because those jeans slid right on yesterday, with no problem and that is just so exciting. So now that I fit into my goal jeans, the next 25+ days or so are just the gravy. :)

I have my strict eating and exercise rotation. I cannot believe that the finale is only about 4 weeks away. At first when it was 6 weeks, it sounded like a long time until I realized that 6 weeks was only equivalent to 42 days. Just a little over a month. I didn't think that much could be done within that short timeframe. Well, I don't know what can happen, but I do know that I am going to do all that I can so that I can look my absolute best. I know that I gain muscle easily, so the scale may not say much change has happened, but I know that I will look alot better. I am really focusing on building muscle. Since muscle burns more fat, the more muscle I can build, the better. According to a few online tests I have taken, I am a Mesomorph, in which I tend to build muscle pretty easily, so that is definitely on my side. Just the simple fact that I lowcarbed for over a year and didn't really workout and still have such great tone is really something. If only I can lose this body fat, I will look really nice. When I flex, I can see the muscle, it's just too much fat there to really see the real thing. :(

So anyways, I've gotten my cardio in for the morning and plan to get more in this afternoon. I think I will look really nice for the finale, but I know I will look AWESOME in 2009 for sure.

Day 7 & Today

2008-10-27T10:01:00.002-05:00

Well, yesterday was the last day of the GNC Body Cleanse and all I can say is -- GOOD RIDDANCE! I don't know what it was supposed to do, but it was one of the grossest things ever. The coating on the outside of the pills were gross and while the juice with the blend made it tastes better, it was tolerable at best. I can't say that I derived so much benefit from it. At first it appeared that my skin was clearing, but now it seems to be breaking out again, so I am not so sure that it even did that. Then the constant bloat that I felt was awful! I sure to hope that goes away. I still felt it this morning when I woke up. I am going to be highly upset if that is something that I have to contend with from now on since taking that product. It is so uncomfortable and frustrating. So, if someone asks me if I recommended this product, I would have to say NO! I really don't think it did much for all that was involved. Waaay to many pills and they tastes horrible. It didn't help me personally lose any weight. I weighed for the first time since last Monday and I am sitting at 186.8. So an resounding 1.2 lb loss. Whoa!

Nonetheless, I am very happy to see that I am still in the 180's. I have been eating ALOT of carbs and ALOT of calories and so the fact that I didn't spring into the 190's is just wonderful. It is really helping me to believe that my metabolism isn't completely shot! That is wonderful news! Also, I have been doing alot of research and I am just loving it. I am learning so much about the body and my body and what it needs. I would have never thought that I could eat over 2,000 calories and still lose weight. I am learning just how strong I am as well. I just got finished with my Barry's Bootcamp session for the day. Boy is that TOUGH! I did Arms and Abs today and 1 round of the cardio right behind it. According to Buffmother, weight training followed by HIIT makes your body a fatburning furnace, so I tried to tack that on to the end. Hopefully the next time that my Barry Bootcamp workouts come around, I can tack on all of the cardio. :) That's the goal. I am hoping to get stronger and leaner week by week. According to Buffmother, for the next 2 weeks, I am in Boosting stage and really need to focus on building muscle, so that is my goal right now.

There is just so much that I have learned and will continue to learn. While I may not be pleased with how things turned out for the contest, it has certainly turned my attention to my health, which in turn has helped my family. My hubby has joined the gym and trying to lose weight. I am very happy about the positive changes that are happening with us. Since the finale is in 5-6 weeks, I have a constant motivation to keep working as hard as I can to look my absolute best! Already I can tell that my thighs are leaning out, so I am sure that my bodyfat has decreased. I am just going to keep pushing and hope for the best.

Days 5 & 6

2008-10-25T20:26:00.002-05:00

Well, I didn't have the time to make an entry yesterday, so yesterday and today are together. The other day I talked to Angel for a few moments and she mentioned that since I have known her, I haven't stuck to a particular plan for more than 2 weeks. I know that I change my mind alot and that hasn't changed.

Today is a little more change. Well, originally my plan was to try to fit in 2,000+ calories per day. I have been doing that and while I have been feeling so much more energy, I am going to try to lower my calories a tad. I think the plan is now to average between 1,400 and 1,800 calories. Now, I am happy that I ate higher calories this week and ate the 5 meals per day. I think that really helped me and perhaps my body will chill and not think I am starving it anymore. Starting Monday, I am going to be shooting for around 1,800 calories. I think that will be optimal.

It was suggested that I lower my calories to like 1,200 to 1,500. I do not want to lower my calories that far. I am just now getting to the point where I am actually eating. I feel more energy and I am just not feeling the 1,200 calorie thing. I know the intensity of my workouts and I know that I will be feeling that same weakness and lack of energy that I felt before with calories that low. I don't want that back, so I am going to do at least 1,400 calories. Most days, the lowest will be 1,500. I think that I will be doing much better in that calorie range and still be able to lose.

I have definitely decided that I am going to lift HEAVY AS POSSIBLE!! Tonight I am going to do Cathe's Power Hour, but I am not going to keep up with her reps. I am going to go slower, but do all of the exercises and see how that goes.

Day 4: Ups and Downs

2008-10-23T21:35:00.002-05:00

Well, I think I have everything together, FINALLY! I had figured my calorie strategy, but hadn't figured out the workout. Well, I have decided that I am going to pretty much keep my same rotation, however, I am going to lift much heavier than originally planned. I think that the more muscle that I gain, the more fat I will burn.

I had gotten everything together, regarding lifting heavy, so I asked Angel about it. She said that lifting heavy would be fine, BUT, I have to be careful because I gain muscle easily. So that bummed me out a little. Basically because I thought that I had everything together, only to find out that I may need to change things. But I have been chatting with the ladies over at Buffmother and since I do tend to gain muscle easier, it was suggested that I do more cardio in the form of HIIT to burn fat. That sounds like a perfect solution to me, and I am going to go with that!

I have been continuing with the cleanser and it is going okay. With juice, the blend tastes much better, but it is still yucky! It's just drinkable. I am still not weighing. My face looks pretty thin still and my skin is really clearing up, so that is excellent side effect. That was the other thing that I wanted to look good for the finale - My skin! Typically Proactive works really well, but I didn't expect my skin to clear up like this. Kewl beans!

So, it appears that I have a plan and I am ready to proceed forward with it. I didn't do so hot today with calories. I started out later and took the spinning class, so I completely forgot about eating. I only ate 3 times and probably about 1300 calories. :( I plan to do better going forward, although I will be just as busy tomorrow.

Day 3: I've Got the Fire!

2008-10-22T20:14:00.003-05:00

Well, today is my off day from working out. It was nice to get up and just go to work. I am feeling very anxious about getting back to working out. I had some slow time at work today and I have been looking over Buffmother's information and I gotta say - THE FIRE IS BACK! That lady knows her stuff and she just rocks! I am so happy to be a part of such a fun community. You have to believe that she knows what she is talking about because --look at her! Then there are many ladies on the site that look amazing following her suggestions. It's so crazy, you can have all of the tools within your grasp, but if you don't do anything with it, it is useless.

So, I have worked hard today to figure out calories and I do believe that I have it figured out. Okay, I can't believe that I am saying this, but my goal is to cycle my calories, the lowest being 1,500 and the highest 2,200!! Yowzza that's alot of calories, but my body has been through alot over the last several years and I think it is time I start feeding it.

Since getting restarted on Monday, I have been eating every 2-4 hours and keeping my calories in the range and I could not believe the energy that I have had. Just unbelievable. I have been walking around like the living dead for months now and to find out that eating more and eating more frequently can have me feeling so much better is just amazing!!!! So this along with the fact that I KNOW I will get in better workouts has convinced me to eat more calories. I truly want to transform my body and I have to be able to get in good workouts to do this. When my energy is low, I don't have the strength or endurance to put in good workouts, so my body will never change. I am trying to fill those calories with good foods, so I am really hoping that this works out well. It's so wonderful that I have the SS meals, because all of the nutrition information is clearly spelled out, so I know exactly what I am eating.

So, I feel pretty good about the nutrition aspect, now I am working on the fitness part. I still plan to alternate Barry's Bootcamp and the gym, but I still have to tweak a few things so that I can get the most out of my plan. It's so awesome that I get a FREE 1 year membership to Club Fitness. I will have access to all of those machines and things for FREE until next year! Wow, I am so excited. Plus, I've met my wonderful trainer Angel, so I always have a contact and person that will help me whenever I have questions or a problem. I am totally set up for success!!! While the contest left a bitter taste in my mouth, all of the other benefits are just wonderful. It is really giving me the stimulus and jumpstart that I need to FINALLY reach my goals!

Day 2: Penny for My Thoughts

2008-10-21T13:06:00.003-05:00

I was reflecting on all that I did in order to lose those 75 pounds on KK. I literally starved myself and when I entered the contest I weighed a whopping 212 lbs!!! That took up so much of my life and it was all for nothing. It was inconceivable to me that I could actually gain so much weight back after all that I had been through with KK. Low carb has just consumed so much of my life and for what? I knew a long time ago that I wasn't going to do that for life. What - I'm never going to eat another french fry or a piece of cake? Sorry, turnip fries, don't cut it! But since I lost so well, I stayed with it.

The Seattle Sutton meals are truly a blessing in my life right now. I'm thinking I am finally going to figure this thing out and repair my metabolism. Initially when I started the contest and lost those unbelievable 17 lbs in 2 weeks, I was so very excited!!! I thought that I had finally fixed my metabolism and that I would be able to lose on a plan other than low carb. Imagine when just a week later - NOTHING!!! I could not lose beyond that 17 lbs. No matter how much I worked out and drank water - 195 was still floating around. I was getting rather frustrated and then I thought back to my old friend - low carb. It was calling out to me saying "We are good old friends. I've worked for you in the past, why turn your back on me now?" So with that old friend whispering in my ear and the knowledge that it has ALWAYS worked in the past, I jumped back to the low carb game. It was the only way that I knew that I could stay in the competition. Well, it got me through. I did a modified KK and dropped 9 lbs in 5 days. That put me within safe range for the contest for that week. I knew that I DID NOT want to do this again, so I want to go back to the Seattle Sutton meals. Well, within a matter of days, I was back up to around 195 and again the scale would not budge. So, this time I decided to do Atkins and I had 7 days and I lost 9 lbs, but that only showed up as a 4 lb loss at the weigh in and it was not enough. That put me in the bottom and I was up for elimination and of course I was eliminated. Blech!

So being part of the contest definitely had me on a roller coaster. While I did not want to low carb, I felt like I had to in order to stay in the competition. It was the very thing that I did not want to do. But now that I am no longer in the contest, I don't have to worry about weighing in and all of that, so now I have the time to figure it all out. Plus since all of the meals are provided, I know exactly what I am eating - calories, fat and everything, so that puts me in a very good place for success.

So, I am going to keep working out and tracking everything that I eat. Before the contest ended, Angel bought me a weight loss journal to track everything that I eat. It is really a neat little book. I plan to track everything!!! I feel so much more on the ball than I have in a long time. I may actually figure out this thing that has evaded me so long - THE RIGHT WAY TO EAT and NOT low carb!

While I definitely wanted to win the contest and if I was still in it, it is probable that I would have, I still wouldn't have learned anything about my body. More than likely I would have had to continue low carbing and I would probably be in a looney bin by the end. I truly think that I will be happier eating carbs and have more energy. Michelle and Angel always said that I needed to FUEL my workouts. I start my Barry's Bootcamp week again next week and I am hoping to see some real strength gains. I'll see soon.

Also, the gross drink blend from the body cleanse was not so bad today. I decided to use grape juice. Wow, that was all the change in the WORLD! Water was just plain nasty, but with 4-6 ounces of grape juice, I was able to down it in a matter of seconds! Woo Hoo! Now, the pills are still gross, but I can handle that for 5 more days!

Oh and regarding my blog. I know I had been away for awhile, but I just couldn't stand the new look. This look has definitely been home for me, so I had to change it back! :)

So all is good in the neighborhood! I will just keep on keepin on!

My My My....It's Been Awhile

2008-10-20T22:55:00.002-05:00

I've actually missed my blog, but when I got in that contest, I basically felt like my head was spinning uncontrollably. Just too too busy. Yep, I said when I was part of that contest. Angel and I was just too much competition and so they tried very hard to get rid of us and they did. It is unfortunate because I really had a lot more to give. I've come to realize that while it would have been great to win and given the opportunity I am sure that I would have, I really didn't need to win. I was one of the thinner ones and with my strong interest in health and fitness, I really don't need the contest to reach my goals. I will get there anyways. Like I said, it would have been nice.

I did learn some things though from the whole thing. Competitions are not for me. I have some strong feelings on the integrity of the votes and so being that I couldn't prove anything, it was just completely aggravating. Why put myself through that? While I am athletic, I didn't play sports alot in school, so I was unaware of how unscrupulous people can be. I don't like the person that I became in this contest, nor do I like the person I feel I had to be in order to compete in this contest. I will NEVER enter anything like this again.

However, it was certainly not an all bad experience. It gave me an amazing jumpstart on my weight loss. It gave me the motivation I needed to get going again. I was having such a hard time getting restarted and it was just what I needed. We have a finale in December and I want to be smokin hot, so I have to make sure that I keep it up so that I can look amazing.

A few weeks before my elimination from the contest, I had come to the conclusion that while I would love to stay in the contest, it would be nice not to have to be in the contest. The bi-weekly weigh-ins are a pain in the butt and uber stressful. The appearances and constant workouts. Just all too much! I was in the gym all of the time, my time with my family was suffering. It just was not good. My bible study schedule was suffering as well. It was so hard to balance everything when you just have sooo soo much going on. So like I said, while it was hard to leave the contest, I think I am much better for it. I still get to keep the food and I still get a 1 year membership to Club Fitness. Therefore, I can still eat healthfully and workout and don't have all the stresses of the bi-weekly weigh-ins, the appearances and all of that. I can lose at my own pace without all of the stress. I think that is awesome and I am very happy about it. Now, I can actually breathe.

So, this morning, is Day 1. Okay, Okay, for a brief moment I started low carbing again, but now I have went back to eating the meals provided by the contest. Most of the food is actually pretty good. Anyways, today is Day 1. I also started a body cleanse that my trainer recommended from GNC. I hope that it works, but I tell ya, it is some of the nastiest stuff I have ever put in my mouth. Ewww - weee! I hope that it does what it is supposed to do. I am just trying to figure out how I am going to do this for 7 days. I guess I will just take 1 day at a time.

I didn't get in fasted cardio today, but I plan to do that tomorrow (better get to bed now). I did KV - Calorie Burn today. It was nice because it was not kill me Cathe but it was not Leslie Sansone easy either. Nice blend. So that is definitely one that I will be doing on my fasted cardio days. Then later on I took a 5:30 class at the gym called Powersport. Boy, did I LOVE that class. There was step, then weights, then step again and then resistance, then an AWESOME ab segment. Wow, that class really rocked. It was challenging and fun. Gosh, I want to take it every week, but it just won't work on my Barry Bootcamp weeks. Bummer! But I sure will be looking forward to it every other week.

Well, it seems that I have caught up the past month or so in 1 post. It's just been so crazy. I do plan to stay on top of my blog better now. My Journey to health has changed a bit. I am coming to the realization that I actually need to fuel my body. Unbelievably this is a hard concept for me. For results previously, I kept lowering the calories until I was actually starving myself. Now, I am adding in calories and adding in ....DUN DUN DUN DUN.....CARBS!!! That is so freakin scary, but I know that if I keep doing the same old thing, I am going to keep getting the same old results and never reach my goal. So I am going outside of my comfort zone and taking in carbs and adding in more calories in hopes of achieving the body that I desire. I hope that this works out. I go to the finale of the show in December and I want to be smokin' hot by then. I will just stick to my rotation and eating plan. I may have to tweak it some as time goes on, but that is okay. I am actually going to listen to my body this time....Hmmm...think of that.

Here's the Stitch - Part II

2008-08-29T20:04:00.003-05:00

Okay, well, I met the other contestants today and while I was still excited, I am definitely nervous. All of these women are ready to compete and want to win just as badly as I do. I think there were a few women that were smaller than me and a few that were larger than me. I was the only black gal there. Not really surprised about that!

Ugh, my interview today. I hate to be critical, but I think I am going to look so stupid. I think I got tongue-tied in part of the interview. Blech! I don't like being interviewed on camera. I can probably work out just fine, but being interviewed blows. Maybe it is because it is so new and so much. The show is supposed to air on Tuesday at 3 p.m. I have to make sure I tape it. It is a 1/2 hour show and the whole show will be devoted to the 12 of us.

Anyways, there are 12 of us and we were divided into 2 teams of 6. We decided to name our group "Hot Mama's". I know real original, but we had all of 5 minutes to figure out what we wanted to be called. The other team named themselved "Show Me Girls". Not crazy about that name either. I like ours better. Anyways, I started to freak out today because I learned that many of the ladies have gotten started already. I was originally intending on starting when I got the food on Monday, but now I realize that would be a mistake. Those ladies that got started already would have several days leg up on me and that could ensure that I would be in that bottom 4. So, I hadn't eaten any breakfast yet, so I went to Aldi's and picked up some Fit and Active products and basically going to eat on that this weekend until I meet with my trainer.

Speaking of my trainer, I was able to speak with her today. Yep, I have a female trainer. She seems really nice and motivated. I am hoping that she pushes me and gets me to put in more than I think I can handle. I will have my first meeting with her on Monday at 10:00 a.m. I told her alot of the issues I have with dieting. I am looking forward to meeting her and working out with her. I actually felt alot better after talking with her. I was starting to freak out from alot of the things from the meeting this morning. One was to learn that the lady that won the last time this contest ran lost 60 lbs in 12 weeks. That's ALOT of weight to lose in that short amount of time without low carbing. I know that it is possible when I low carb, but very leary to think that it is possible with regular eating. Then I heard that the lady that won last season worked out like 2-3 hours per day. I'm sitting here thinking, "How on earth am I going to be able to fit all of that in?" But anyways, after talking with my trainer, her name is Angel btw, I felt better. I feel like I have someone there in my corner and wanting me to succeed and can actually help me to do so.

My family is being very supportive as well. My hubby is making himself available to watch the kids anytime that I need him to so that I can get my workouts in and go to appearances. My mother and sisters are going to step in where hubby can't and so that is great! I'm so thankful for the support.

My job is uber supportive as well. I emailed several of my net buds today giving everyone a heads up that I may be contacting them to vote for me to keep me alive if I am in the bottom 4. Yep, when we weigh in on the 10th, it is the bottom 4. It will be 2 people from each team and any 2 of the bottom 4 will be able to be eliminated. I sure do hope that I am not eliminated. I don't even want to be in the bottom 4. I will be just getting started. All I can do is my best and hope that my best is good enough to keep me in the competition.

So, I am about to go workout right now. I've really got to get on the ball with this RIGHT NOW! I can't delay or that may hurt my chances of winning. Man, that would ROCK if I could lose 60 lbs. I would be at my goal weight and I would be so happy. It's not just that though, I will be at my goal weight and arrived there the healthy way. That is the one thing I LOVE about the personal trainer and Seattle Sutton, they will teach me the right way to eat and that will be just wonderful!

Here's to getting to goal the healthy way AND winning that trip to Mexico!

Here's The Stitch!

2008-08-28T22:14:00.003-05:00

Well, I met with the dietician yesterday and sure enough, I am over 200. Well over 200. Try 212. One of my old set points. Guess it could have been worse. I guess! So that is my starting point and I will just go from there. It's really going to be different though. From low carbing for so long, I have gotten used to losing fast. According to Seattle Suttons site, I will be looking at losses of about 1-2 lbs per week. That is going to be a real adjustment.

Tomorrow is the big day though. I get to meet all of the other ladies that are part of the competition. I wonder if everyone is around my age? Bigger than me? Smaller than me? Fit? Unfit? So many questions. Many will be answered tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.!!!! Apparently I have to keep a weekly blog of my activity, etc. So I will put the link here. Probably in my favorites.

This is all so exciting. We have all been emailing each other back and forth and I can just feel the excitement. I just hope to do a good job and not get voted off. All I can do is my best. I figure if I could do KK and essentially starve myself for 4.5 months, I can certainly eat meals that are prepared for me each day. I still haven't been contacted by a trainer. Hopefully that will happen soon. I am looking forward to getting the motivation and insight that a personal trainer has. I hope I get a really good trainer. One that will push me and encourage me. All my Cathe's have prepared me for the hard work that I will have to put in.

Anyways, I am very excited about all of this and look forward to losing weight healthfully and hopefully never gaining again. I am so disgusted to be over 200 lbs again after all of the starvation and working out and headaches. It's really hard and demoralizing but that is okay, I am starting again and I am determined to win! If I am the Grand Prize Winner, I win an all expense paid trip to Mexico. Wow, that would be so wonderful. Next year we will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary and I would love to go on this trip for our anniversary.

So, I am determined and ready to win. I TRULY want to reach my goal weight, but doing so in a way that is a lifestyle change. I knew in my heart long ago that I could not low carb the rest of my life, but it offered short term results and it was so intriguing. In the end, it was just a waste of my time and totally frustrating. I will never encourage anyone to low carb. After a year of struggling with it, I realize it's just not healthy and not worth it.

Gonna Lose Some Weight...The Healthy Way!

2008-08-26T21:54:00.006-05:00

Well, a few weeks ago, I was playing with the girls and the news was playing in the background and I heard an advertisement about a challenge -- just for MOMS! I was like wow, that would be too kewl. They listed a website and said that entries had to be done by August 13th. Well, I went to the site and couldn't find anything, but the date of 8/13 was still in my mind. So a few days by and I keep going back to the site and couldn't find it. I finally contacted the Webmaster but by the time they had responded, I found the link. Anyways, I had to submit my name and weight, picture and WHY DO I WANT TO LOSE A TON OF WEIGHT? Well, I put together my reasons and submitted on 8/12/2008. Well, the rules indicated that a decision would be made by August 15th, so that day had passed and I hadn't heard anything, so I assumed that I was not picked.

Well, on August 19th, I received a call from KSDK saying - "Congratulations, you have made it to the next round which is interviews." So I was so excited!!! My stupid cell phone hung up on the lady, so I tried to call back, but by the time I got back to her she had left a message. She left the times that they were doing interviews on Wednesday and Thursday. Well, I decided that the best time for my interview was Thursday at 11:00 a.m. I went down to KSDK, parking was terrible, but I was able to find a spot a few blocks away. I got there and went on the interview. They were really nice and went over the contest. They said I would know by tomorrow (Friday) what their decision would be. Well, I knew I would be out of town and so I was nervous but very very excited. They said that they would call and let me know either way, so I knew that just because my phone rang didn't mean anything. So anyways, on Friday at 12:03 p.m. I was called and told "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED AS A FINALIST!!!" Woo Hoo! I could not believe that I had been picked. This is like the best thing ever. The weird thing is that I NEVER watch the news. I don't think that I have watched it since. This is just what I needed. Some direction and some help to get me on the road to my goal weight eating healthy and exercise.

Essentially this is a St. Louis version of The Biggest Loser. I will weigh every 2 weeks and the 2 people that lose the lowest percentage of weight will be put in the bottom 2 and can be voted off. We will not vote each other off. Apparently, others that are watching our progress will handle the voting. I will get to meet the other 11 moms on Friday. Tomorrow I go for starting measurements and weight. I have no idea what I weigh, but I know that I am 200+. Prolly like 212. I will be severely depressed if it is worse than that, but you know what, I am on my way to my goal - the healthy way - and so I will not let it get me too down.

Now the Beauty of this whole contest:

1) I will receive a 1 year membership to Club Fitness which I get to keep no matter if I get voted off or not AND

2) I will have all of my meals prepared for me by a company called Seattle Sutton (7 Breakfasts, Lunch and Dinner) and I will get to keep this for the entire contest no matter if I get voted off or not AND

3) I get a personal trainer!!! Woo Hoo!!! However, if I get voted off, I do lose the trainer. :(

This is just the most AWESOME thing ever! I have talked to my supervisor and she is totally supportive so I can make it to all of the weigh-ins and appearances. Alot of this is going to be televised and so I have to really get it together. I don't want all of St. Louis thinking I can't hack it!

So anyways, that is what is going on with me. I am so very very excited!!! Since I stopped low carbing in July, I have just being going in circles, not really knowing what to do next. This gets me off of that cycle as my meals are all prepared for me. I really hope to win this and I know I can do it! I'm getting loads of support and I am very determined. I will be sure to post my new blog when more information is available. I am going to Lose A Ton of Weight - The Healthy Way!

My Chicago Trip!

2008-08-25T23:30:00.007-05:00

Well, I finally got away to hang out for the GIRLFRIENDS WEEKEND! I just got back from Chicago today. My sister and I drove down to meet Lin and Joyce early Friday morning and drove back today. We had a really nice time just getting together and hanging out. We haven't all been together in almost 10 years, so it was really nice. We did alot of laughing, alot of eating and just toured Chicago area. I had alot of fun with my friends, but I did not really enjoy Chicago. I found Chicago to be unbelievably cheap and very proud of themselves. They wanted to charge for every little thing. I was not pleased with the fact that in order to get to my unbelievably cheap hotel, I had to pass 3, count em 3 tolls. Two were for $.80 each and the other for $.30. How cheap. This was all on the same highway I-294! Then once I get to the hotel, this ridiculous hotel - Ahem - Crowne Plaza at O'hare - had the audacity to charge $18/day for crummy parking. The whole parking lot was under construction, so you would have to drive a country mile to get to your car. Then this chintzy hotel had the nerve to have bottled water in the room with a price tag of $2.95 EA. Yikes! The carpets were yucky. The whole place short of the fitness room needed a cleaning and immediate updating. Don't get me started on the internet fees. These cheapos wanted $12.95 per night for Wifi that was already in my room. I just found them to be so cheap and it was real turn-off.

That was just the crummy hotel. Let's move on to the grimy subway. I was shocked to find that you have to pay for parking in order to ride the subway!!! How incredibly cheap. So, not only do I have to pay for subway ride, I have to pay to park in the parking lot as well. There was just so much money spent on minutia. It was ridiculous. I ended up going to a nearby McDonald's and using the FREE Wifi that they offered. What a gyp at that hotel! Also, when we were downtown Chicago, Lin had to go to the restroom, and they refused to let her go to the bathroom WITHOUT MAKING A PURCHASE! Ludicrous! Needless to say, I will not be rushing to Chicago again. Not unless I just have tons of money to blow for no good reason. Everything is just too expensive for my taste.

We hope to have a GIRLFRIENDS WEEKEND yearly if not at least every 2 years. There was just so much to catch up on, yet not enough time. I definitely enjoyed myself and can't wait to see my girlfriends again.

Somethin's Gotta Change!

2008-08-03T22:16:00.003-05:00

Seems like I haven't been here FOREVER! But, I guess the reason for that is that I am doing a whole lot of nothing. I feared that this would be the case because the last time that I tried to leave low carb, I ended up doing nothing but gaining a bunch of weight and that is what I am doing right now. I hate the cycle that low carb put me on. While I am happy that I lost alot of weight, I wish I hadn't done it the low carb way. It isn't the way that I want to eat for life and now I am stuck with gaining alot of weight and so darn quickly. I'm not going to say that I haven't been tempted to ease back into low carbing because I have, but I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT! I know that I would always find a reason to low carb. There is always some event or something going on in my life or just the sheer fear of being fat all over again that is there to get me back on that road again, but I won't do it! I won't let myself get uber fat like I was before, but I won't low carb again either. So what's a girl to do?

It's hard because I feel trapped. Although WW is so simple by nature, I feel absolutely lost. It's my own fault I guess. I am a research queen and just like I belonged to LC forums, I should find a WW forum and get involved. Yeah, I know. It's just hard. I can't believe I have allowed this much time to elaspe and now I am plumping up something awful. I dare not get on the scale, because I know a number will stare back at me that I never wanted to see again in my life. I won't even take myself through that. I looked very puffy today and my thighs are huge all over again. It's murder taking myself through this all of the time. That is the very reason why I won't low carb again. I won't do it again.

I am supposed to be hanging out with my girlfriends at the end of this month. Lord only knows what I will look like by then. I just hope that I don't continue to gain. I need to get on the stick and at least stop the gaining. It's so horrible and demoralizing to gain so fast. I feel Plus size all over again.

The thing I have discovered about myself is that I am an all-or-nothing type of gal. I don't dip my toe in to test the waters, I either do it or I don't. When I get on a diet, I have to eat right, exercise, drink water and do everything right and I can be on a roll BUT if I get off plan or off track --- Whoa Nelly, I am soooo off plan and sooo off track. I can't do anything a little bit. If I am off plan, I don't work out, I drink everything BUT water. It's terrible. Like watching a trainwreck happening in slow motion. I wish I could figure out a way to do things slowly. Like maybe week 1, drink water only. Maybe week 2, start working out, week 3, watch my points, something like that. Sounds sensible and doable, but highly unlikely. Ugh, maybe I will start like that. I think I just overwhelm myself, trying to take on too much at one time. Then going into unchartered waters like WW is just freaking me out. I did this with Buffmother at the beginning of the year and ended up wasting alot of time and gaining weight in the meantime. I have really got to learn about myself and pay attention or else I just keep making the same mistakes and just completely frustrate myself. So, we will see. I bought some groceries this weekend in an effort to start cooking at home and not eating so much out, bad for you, fast food. Maybe that will be my focus this week - No Fast Food. Well, either that or no pop. Okay, let's start with NO POP!

Week One - No Pop!

Whew! That is going to be tough, because I really do love pop! I will try to drink as much water and sugar free lemonade as I can. The problem is I don't think it will be enough to ward off weight gain. I will be wobbling in when I see my friends at the end of the month. I think I will also need to start working out. Maybe that will help a bit. I just feel sooo very bloated and fat. It's awful. Hopefully between drinking mostly water and lifting weights, some of this bloat will go down.

I saw this lady the other day and she just looked so nice. Her hair was done nice and she had on a fitted black shirt, black skirt and heels and she just really looked great! In my mind I was like there is no reason that I can't look that nice. I will one day. I just have to believe in myself, be willing to put in the hard work and make the necessary sacrifices. The past year of LC'ing has not been fun. I want my diet to be a Lifestyle, not altering my family's diet and being a part of my family. I've felt like an outsider and that is why I really want to make this change.

I am going to try this approach. More Baby Steps. Putting behind me the whole "all or nothing" mentality. If I had done so thus far, perhaps, I wouldn't be blowing up lookin' like the Michelin man or somethin'.

Same Goal, Just A Different Course

2008-07-17T09:45:00.005-05:00

Well the District Convention has come and gone. I missed quite a bit due to the girls being 2 and very active, but what I did get to hear was WONDERFUL and so timely. The information was exactly what I needed to hear and I am so thankful that Jehovah provides the conventions so that we can learn and be spiritually upbuilt. I am sure that it was recorded, so hopefully we will get a copy of it soon so that I won't miss a bit!

In terms of weighing, I didn't even bother. Here is the situation - I fit all of my dresses for each day. On the first day, I wore a size 10 dress. On the 2nd day, I wore a size 12 and on the 3rd day a size 8. So, whatever the situation, I didn't have to wear a plus size dress, so it is all good. :) I've been away from the scale so long now, that it really doesn't have the same power over me and I am thankful for that. Sure, I don't want to gain alot of weight, but at the same time, I still feel like I look okay, so I will just stick with that. I still haven't read all of the materials, but I will be moving over to WW. I just feel like WW is more of a family plan. I can prepare the same meals that I eat for my family and don't have to feel so separated all of the time. I am really excited. I have tons of WW materials and aware of tons of sites, so I am really excited!!!

It is a little difficult on the psyche though to think of joining and being parts of sites that talk about fruit and bread. That hasn't been a part of my world for such a long time. Well, wasn't supposed to be. :) It is going to be quite different, but I am ready. I really enjoyed when I was working out regularly. I felt very powerful and I felt it helped me to keep my mind straight. I plan to get started with working out regularly as well next week. Yeah, I am kinda taking some time off. A weight gain is inevitable since coming off of low carb, so I am going to enjoy myself a little bit and then get really serious. I still have plans to reach my goal, but just not by low carbing. Probably will stop about 147 again. We will just have to see. I really want all of this to be about my health and the health of my family, so hopefully I will know when I get there.

So, nothing much to report, just happy to be free of a few things. Free from feeling that low carb is the only answer for me. Free from the bondages of the scale as I realize it doesn't reflect my true self. If that was the case, how is it that I was able to wear a size 8 dress? I know that the next several months will be challenging, but I will face these challenges and I WILL get to GOAL!

The More I Try, The More It Takes

2008-07-06T21:30:00.005-05:00

That one of the verses to one of my favorite artist out right now ---- Santogold! I just love her cd!!! It has the best blend of sounds and her voice is awesome! Definitely check her out! Welcome to my world. :)

Dietwise and exercisewise still going strong. Unbelievably, I think I am going to make it to the 10th. I think that it is going so smoothly because I am not stressing about eating perfectly. I am not stressing about the scale. My focus is continuing to eat low carb and exercising. I missed my workout for today unfortunately, but with the exception of today, I have gotten in every workout and I AM SHRINKING!! I couldn't believe it, but on Friday, I FIT THE SIZE 4 Dress!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I had to be creative with the zipper, but still the fact that I was able to zip it all the way up was unbelievable! That just made me feel so good. Makes me feel like I will reach my goal. I just have to maintain focus on eating the right things AND working out. I went shopping on Friday and found a dress that I really, really liked. Well, I found a 14 in the dress and tried it on, it was big on me, but I came across a size 8 in the same dress. I was positive that it would not fit. Call me shocked to try on the size 8 and it fit perfectly! Unbelievable! More than likely I will wear it to the District Convention on Sunday. I'll have to take a picture. Honestly, I don't see how, my hips are still so big, but hey, I'm not going to argue with it. I am going to glow in the fact that I worked hard and because of it, I will be wearing a very nice dress in a very nice size.

Well, really I have enjoyed myself over the past few weeks. I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about continuing to low carb and workout since it is working so well for me, but I really do feel that it is time to move on. Like my hubby said, Low carbing isn't the only way to lose weight. I just have to commit to whatever I chose to do in order to reach my goal. I feel that I am pretty committed to losing the weight and being a healthy example for my family. I can't believe that July 10th is just a few days away. I may have to stick with it until Sunday depending on what I chose to wear. Since I gain horribly when I come off of low carb, I am almost afraid to come off on Friday. I won't be able to fit my dress on Sunday. We will just have to see. I will determine that when the time comes.

I'll just keep trying. Like I have always said, I will never give up until I reach my goal!

Strong in spite of Weaknesses

2008-06-30T00:50:00.003-05:00

Doing pretty good if I should say so myself. Although I have been tempted, I have not gone off course. I am doing AWESOME on my exercise rotation. I have not missed a single day. It's been a really interesting rotation. A good mix so that I don't get bored. It is a mix of the TLT's, Firms and Leslie Sansone. Tomorrow is a Leslie day and I am thankful. This morning, I did Firm - Jiggle Free Buns. Didn't really like it as well as I like Jiggle Free Arms, but I don't really like to work my lower body anyway.

As far as diet is concerned, I left behind Atkins 72 some time ago, but according to the ketosticks, I am still in Ketosis. Certain recipes have been really helpful for me sticking to plan. Adding in veggies has been a big help as well. I am still looking forward to transitioning from Low carb after the district convention. This girl needs a change. Who knows, I may try WW for 6 months or so and come back to LC, but right now, I think it is important for my psyche and for my family to change over to something a little more family oriented. I'm excited. I want to do it right though because I don't want to gain a bunch of weight. I have come to terms with the fact that I will gain some during the transition, but I don't want to gain alot. I hope not to go hog wild with food and continue to work out to lessen the gain.

My personal life is still quite challenging. It's definitely been hard on me, but I have been relying on Jehovah for strength and it has helped me a great deal. While Jehovah does not remove the problem, ita a biggy but somehow it doesn't stay on my mind constantly and that really shows for the power of prayer. I am sure that working out regularly and journaling has helped a great deal as well. I think that it is healthy for me. Praying, working out regularly and journaling is good for me. It is actually time that I am taking out for myself which I don't take alot of time to do. I feel very strong physically and stronger than I would think emotionally, so I am quite proud of that.

Going Strong

2008-06-24T21:38:00.002-05:00

Well, still going strong! I have not missed a single workout since getting started last week. I am excited because I have not being able to stick to an exercise rotation for a good long while. I think that working out has helped me to. Stress has been at a high level lately, so I feel that the workouts have helped me alot. Yesterday was challenge day - TWO WORKOUTS! I did Firm Vol 4 PLUS Cardio Sculpt Blaster. It was tough, but I got through it. Tracie called it challenge day and it was that. :) This morning at 5:00 a.m., I got up and did my walk. I chose Leslie Sansone 4 Mile Express. Whew! It may be a walk, but it does make you sweat. I couldn't do Leslie everyday because I would get really bored, but it definitely is nice to do at least 1 x per week. Plus when you have a day of really tough TLT's, you are relieved to see that a walking workout is next on the agenda. I look forward to tomorrow even more so though. Tomorrow is a complete rest day - Woo Hoo! Wednesday's I take off because I already get started at 5:00 a.m. and I am not about to get up at 4:00 to workout. Then in the evening, I want to enjoy my family and rest, so I have designated Wednesday as my day off for sure. Thursday, I am back at it again though. I think Thursday is TLT Finding your Core. I haven't tried this one yet, but as I understand it is really tough. I think Tracie wants me to add on 3o min of cardio after the workout, so Thursday is definitely going to be a toughie!

I have really been enjoying my workouts. I didn't know, but this rotation has been perfect. Since I haven't done all of these workouts before or at least I haven't in a long time, they seem fresh and new and that is nice. I knew that I couldn't stand the thought of all Firms, so this is great! Already I can tell that my clothes are fitting better. My stomach is flattening as well. I don't know what the scale is saying, but I do know that something is definitely happening. I may not fit that dress for the assembly, but as long as I stay on track, I will look nice. Probably can wear a solid size 10 dress. Well, I will just have to see.

I can't believe that the District Convention is so close. At first it seemed so far away and now it is like in just a few weeks. I am looking forward to the District Convention. I hope that the girls do good like they did last year. The 2's have been quite interesting. They are so vocal and so active. I will pray that things go well because I could really use the encouragement and good information. I really enjoyed the book study tonight. I really want to do more spiritually, but sometimes we get so bogged down with stresses and pressures. Jehovah is good and He will strengthen us, we just have to rely on Him. More and more everyday, I am seeing the importance of this. There are just too many things for us to try to handle ourselves. Besides He wants us to throw our burdens on Him. So I am going to throw them on Him every day. I know that my day will go much smoother when I do.

Everything is Going Pretty Good!

2008-06-22T22:02:00.003-05:00

Well, today, I added in veggies. Couldn't stand the meat only thing that I was doing. I do plan to add in some of my favorite lc recipes as I phase out. It doesn't mean that I won't make any of these anymore, I just don't plan to low carb diet anymore. Who knows, maybe down the road I will revisit, but I've got to try. A girl on my fitness forum posted a really informative article about retraining your metabolism after you damaged doing low carb and low calorie. Fortunately I am currently working out and I think that working out will help. Unfortunately a small weight gain is inevitable during the transition, but that is okay, I am used to that. Everytime I come off plan I gain 10-15 lbs, so I guess I am used to it, BUT, I have to have a plan to transition to so that I can continue to lose and also so that the gain can be minimal. I don't think that I have ever been working out in the process of going off plan. Typically I am binging and not even thinking about anything else. Anyways, I still have a goal, just plan to get there a different way.

My workouts are going WONDERFUL and I am enjoying them so much. This morning I did TLT Better Burn Better Buns. That was definitely a toughie, actually deceptively tough. I modified alot of the moves, so I didn't think I was working that hard, but by the end, I was definitely sweating buckets. I really like the functional fitness workouts. I find that already, I am holding my abs in alot more than I used to and that is great. I love that the moves are different and functional. I also enjoying integrating some Firms with the rotation. So far, I am 6 for 6. I've completed every single workout that was planned on my rotation, and I am quite proud of that. The other day, the girls were downstairs with me while I worked out. I just partitioned off the area that I was working out in and let them play. They were a little whiny, but overall they did great. Mya was even trying to copy the moves that I was doing and I LOVED that. I definitely want the girls to see me working out and hopefully that will extend to them and they will work out with me when they get older. :)

Hubby doesn't think that I should even bother weighing on the 10th. He thinks that I should just go shopping and whatever fits will work. I dunno. I would like to know where I stand and then several weeks later during the transition, I find out how I am doing. We'll just have to see. I feel he has a point though. If I am that blasted 185 I will not be happy and will proably be grumpy the first day of the District Convention. I really hope that I do not weigh 185. Maybe it is best not to even know. My body really seems to like that weight.

I did notice today that my abs are flatter, even though it is TOTM and then my shoulders are definitely not round. I don't know for sure if they were starting to round since I haven't really been working out, but I did notice that they look pretty good today, so that is quite promising.

I am hoping that by the time my girlfriends and I go to NY in August that I can be toned up pretty good. I still would like to take a class with LUAM and I know that I have got to build up my cardio endurance and fluidity of movement, so I know that I have some work to do. I can't wait. It will be so nice to get away. I hate that I am unable to take a vacation with my hubby sooner, but hopefully we will be able to go away for a few days during our anniversary in Novemember. Yippee!!! I hope to be smokin' hot by then.

So anyways, things are going pretty good diet and workoutwise. I am very optimistic and excited about the plans that I have to transition from low carbing. Low carbing has been in my life for over a year now and I really feel good saying that it is time to move on to something else. It's not a bad thing. It is a wonderful thing and I embrace it. It's going to take some courage because I have tried and failed in the past, but I have got to make it stick. I've learned some things from my past attempts and I am going to try real hard so that those things won't trip me up again. I'll never give up until I reach my goal!

Why did It Take Me So Long to Read My Own Blog?

2008-06-20T19:28:00.006-05:00

I started at the very beginning, October, and worked my way up to March, so I still have some reading to do. I took some notes along the way and came to a few conclusions. Here are the very clear ones:

1) I am the least happy when I am on the very restrictive plans. Stillman's, KK modification or even Atkins 72 for that matter.

2) I am guilty of SCALE SABOTAGE!! I have noticed that the times that I hop on the scale daily are definitely the times when I go off plan when I stall on just gain a pound or 2.

3) I suffer from "Paralysis by Analysis", thus wasting alot of time.

All of these things factor into why I have not reached my goal. I haven't been consistent. Prolly 1x or month or so, I should have read through my previous entries to see where I am. I changed my mind so many times probably because I forgot what I wrote before and why. So in the meantime, I was going in circles. I was getting nowhere.

- If I had read my previous entries, I would have known that when I go restrictive, I don't last much longer than 2 weeks. It just doesn't work. I am extremely unhappy and extremely grumpy with my family. It's not worth it. I end up coming off of that plan and gaining the weight back, hence the 166-185 loop.

- I know this is an ongoing issue, but if I'd read my previous entries I would have recognized and paid attention to how many times I have ruined my success because of getting on the scale. Getting discouraged because no matter what I do, I stall and won't move. Getting on the scale daily is a major mind twister for me and I should not do it if I want to reach my goal. It's wonderful to see those pounds dropping, but when it's all over or a gain, it's all over for my plan, hence the 166-185 loop.

- There was a whole month that I wasted in my journal trying to plan to make the plan perfect and in the meantime I was getting fat all over again. I just need to quit wasting time. I am already tired of dieting. I am highly upset that getting to goal has taken up over a year of my life. I know that when I started I had alot to lose, so I knew that it would take time, but this is really ridiculous. So wasting a bunch of time trying to formulate the perfect plan definitely kept me in the 166-185 loop.

Clearly, I need to find a plan that is not restrictive and allows me to make decisions from a variety. Atkins 72, Stillmans, modified KK is not this. They are so restrictive and I don't have any choices. I came across my story of when I was a child and how I would rather starve myself versus eat what my mom prepared. That is the approach that I take with these types of plans. I would rather starve then force myself to eat another dry piece of chicken with nothing on the side. It's just not enjoyable and not realistic. I KNOW for a fact that it isn't something that I will stick to for life, so what is the point?

If I continue these behaviors I will never ever in a million years get to goal! I'll be continually frustrated and fat and very happy and in the end my family will frustrated, fat and unhappy and that is unacceptable. That's why I basically decided that I need a change. After the District Convention I am just going to move on to something else and just do it.

Don't plan to death and waste time,
Don't hop on the scale every day to see how things are going,
Stop restricting myself to low calories, certain food groups and water only
Find a plan that allows me to enjoy life!!!!

A few of the things that I noted is 1) Above all, I want to be healthy and a good example for my family. Since I prepare the meals and such, I set the tone for the health of my family. 2) I want to have fun. While there were some happy moments, really it has not been fun. When I read through my journal, I almost felt sorry for myself, why was I doing this to myself? Do I want to be thin that bad that I am willing to risk my health, my happiness, be a poor example to my family? This whole weight loss thing has consumed me so much. I am going to have to ask my hubby what it's been like to live with me over the past year. He's even more of a blessing than I previously thought.

There has got to be a happy medium. It's not as if low carbing is bad and when I was using Linda's recipes, I enjoyed myself quite a bit, but the reality of it is, I wasn't losing. It would get me back to my set point and then I would stop. What I have to resolve myself to is that at my current weight, I am no longer at any health risks, so I don't have to race. What I need to be is consistent. Whatever plan that I determine to follow, it needs to be balanced, livable and not completely frustrating. I don't believe that low carbing will fall into that category for me. The fact that it allows me to gain sooooo fast is almost a set up for cycling and that is nothing that I want to be in for the rest of my life. No way! So if I really think about it, this WOE in and of itself is self-sabotaging. I know that there is no way that I am going to cut french fries, cake, regular bread and regular pizza out of my life forever, there is no way, plus I want to enjoy those things with my family on occasion. So really there is no way that I am going to follow a plan where everytime I chose to eat those things, I gain 5-10 lbs. No, it isn't a plan that I am going to follow for life. It's just not.

So, I guess that I will try my best to see this plan through until July 10th and then I will close up this WOE. I am going to enjoy myself on the way out though. I will probably move on to the next stage. Prepare my low carb pizza, taco bake and other things that I enjoy on Atkins, but I won't continue on this plan past the 10th. I won't allow myself to feel bad about it either. I definitely gave it a fair shake. It helped me to lose alot of weight and I am happy about that, but throughout any journey, you may have to change your course. I definitely learned things from this part of my journey though and for those things I am very grateful!

Main things are don't continue in behaviors that will sabotage you ~ It only leads to frustration and send you in circles. As cliche as it sounds, Be consistent and the results will follow are the words I need to live by.

Roller Coaster of Emotions and Weight

2008-06-19T23:16:00.012-05:00

Well, today was one of those days that I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Just in an overall bad mood. I'm dealing with some personal issues right now and so that definitely takes it toll on me. My husband is a wonderful man and he is very supportive. I feel so blessed to have such a kind and understanding man as my Stan. As well, I am praying to Jehovah for strength and endurance and look forward to the new system when the things that we have endured will be things of the past and won't be remembered. This is something that I am certainly looking forward to.

I completed TLT - Strength in Movement tonight. I think I liked that one better than the Endurance in Movement. It was a little more easy going and I like Jen. It was very challenging. I don't know why I do this to myself. I won't workout for weeks or months and then get restarted with some of the hardest workouts in my collection. I didn't quite know what to expect with these and while I won't use the word - fun - I certainly feel they add a little something different to working out and that is a good thing. At first I was going to try to stick to just a FIRM rotation and I just couldn't stand the thought of that, so I found this rotation and so far so good.

I am still following Atkins 72. I have no idea what I weigh, nor do I plan to find out anytime soon. I plan to follow it through the district convention. After that though, I am saying this and I really mean it....I am going to close the book on low carbing. It's just too hard to have to fix separate meals and there is just so much preparation. And while I lost a great amount of weight in a short period of time, it's now been a full year and I still have not met my goal. In this amount of time, I would likely be at goal if I had been following WW or something. Also, I just don't care for the lack of spontaneity with low carbing. I mean I can't just eat a bag of Doritos if I want to or get a taco. It's not that I want to splurge on these things, I just want to be able to eat them when I want to. Ultimately, it is up to me to make healthy decisions when I eat. So I can either choose to do so or not. Plus the fact that when I come off plan which is likely, I BINGE! I feel like I am trying to fit in everything that I have missed while on plan and I eat more and more terrible each time. I don't want that, but with the almost perfection that you have to have with low carb, it makes it impossible not to function that way. You have to pretty much do the diet exactly or you will knock yourself out of ketosis and you will be hungry and not losing weight. I think I am just sick and tired of the pressure. I don't have the fight in me anymore to starve myself or to be so restrictive. Ultimately, I just want to eat what I choose in moderation, drink plenty of water and exercise regularly. That's what I want. That is going to be my real Journey to Health! I'm tired of cycles and I am tired of doing this to myself. The long and the short of it is, I want to be healthy, I want to be a good example to my daughters and keep my husband healthy. I have a beautiful family that I love with all of my heart and I want us all to be healthy.

So, I am going to try my very best to continue to low carb through July 10th and then I am going to move on to something else. May be more along the lines of Buffmother's plan or it may be WW, or it just may be something that I have concocted myself, I'm not quite sure. But in the end, I don't believe that low carbing is going to be my journey to health. I may have started my journey here and with it, I lost a great amount of weight, but it's not how I wish to continue. I really don't feel that LC has helped me to create a healthy body, nor did it help me to create a healthy relationship with food. May have done it for others, but not me. It helped me to lose weight and since that was my goal, it did it's job. But that is not good enough anymore and not enough to keep me going. So over the next 3 weeks or so, I will be formulating a plan so that I can get things in gear to transition to something else. I know that I have tried other plans in the past, and I failed, but I really think that they failed because I was trying to follow such strict parameters that I set myself up to fail. Fortunately I have my blog and my old KK journal so that I can read through it and figure out how I was feeling, what things upset me, what things made me feel good and go with it. Health, that is what this journey is about, my health and I hope that I learn something during the course of it!

My world today

2008-06-16T21:23:00.003-05:00

Today was a whirlwind day but it was nice. I got up and ate breakfast with the girls and fortunately the weather was pretty mild so I took the girls to the park and they had a nice time. They love the swings and the slide. It was just so much fun watching them have fun. It is really something how simple things can bring children such enjoyment. I really enjoyed my time with them today. After we got home, they ate lunch and went down for a nap. While they were down, I worked out and boy was it a workout! Today, I did TLT - Endurance for Movement. I have had the TLT's for quite some time, but just never got around to doing them. More of a functional fitness than traditional fitness workout and I can tell I am going to be feeling it tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Calorie Killer 2 from the Firm. I found a pretty neat rotation that Tracie created as a way to integrate TLT's and FIRMS. I don't know how I am going to look for the District Convention, but I do know that by the time it rolls around, I will be in much better shape than I am today. :) The moves are quite different in the TLT's. I am quite sure that I wasn't doing all of them right, but all I can do is do my best!

Really, that is all that I can do anyways. I can push and push, but in the end, I can't MAKE anything happen. Sure, I would like to be 160' ish by the DC, but the likelihood of that is very slim. I have no idea what I weigh and I have no desire to get on the scale. One thing that I have learned is to stay off of the scale. It is my way of sabotaging myself and not reaching my goal. I still have my goal in my mind. I hope to reach it before the years end. Well actually, I hope to reach it by our anniversary. If I don't, I should be rather close. Funny, I thought I would have reached my goal by my last anniversary, but it didn't happen. Maybe I should stop making goal dates and just shoot for my goal weight! Hey that rhymes! :)

No more goal dates, just goal weight! I think that is my new thing. Cause if I think about it, when I put myself on a sort of timeline, and if I mess up along the way, I may throw in the towel feeling that there is no way I will make it, however if I just keep a consistent goal weight, that can keep me motivated and on track. I will see how this works. In any event, I have got to stay off of the scale. It's not my friend.

I bought such a cute dress the other day. I would like to wear it to the DC, only problem is that it s a size 4. Right now, it doesn't even think about zipping all the way up on the side, however, it will one day. Hey, if I don't get to it for the DC it is okay. One day, it will fit just the way that I like it. If I stay on target, it will be before the warm weather is over this year!

Fat Day!

2008-06-08T22:40:00.006-05:00

Well, I am still hanging on, but I definitely feel fat today. I haven't went off plan or anything, but I do feel fat. Prolly because I pulled out this dress that I haven't worn for awhile and I really don't recall it fitting this way in the past. I really need to get started on Atkins 72 and stick with it. I don't like how I feel, I don't like how I look, it's just depressing.

I don't really understand. In my mind, I know that I want to get to goal AND I know all of the things that I need to do, but it is just really hard to get going. Morton sent me an email the other day talking about self-sabotage and I think that is definitely what I am dealing with. I have been within 20 lbs of goal, but keep going in this loop of 20-40 lbs from goal. Why can't I just stick it out already? Well, I do have the twin toddlers, I work full-time, I have several weekly meetings, field service, studying for meetings, a husband, a needy mom...yeah, yeah, yeah, the list goes on. I know I have alot of responsibilities, that goes without saying, but I have to edge myself in there somewhere. It does take alot of prep to low carb as well. Takes time to prepare all of the meals. When low carbing, you can't stop anywhere and pick up a meal if you didn't prepare or didn't feel like it. Oy, so excuses can come quite liberally, but it doesn't change the fact that I am unhappy with my appearance and I'm not feeling all that good either.

Well, since I am not Superwoman, I know that I am going to have to look for support! I really want to get to goal, so I am willing to pray for it. I will be praying to keep myself on track and I will also be staying with my support group at LCF. I really want to do strict LCF and workout through the convention. The week of the convention, I will go shopping for the dresses that I will wear and go from there. If I am consistent and sticking to plan, I should be able to drop at least 15 lbs by the time assembly comes around. I may not know exactly what I weigh right now, but I think 15 lbs will make a big difference in how my clothes are fitting now. I hate to get all wrapped up in the scale thing because it really doesn't clearly represent what I have achieved. I will weigh on 7/10 just so I know where I am.

So anyways, I hope to get going on Atkins 72' by Tuesday. I have given myself a full week just low carbing to get my reacclimated, so it's time to move on to the next stage.

Still On the Journey

2008-06-07T22:13:00.002-05:00

Well, I haven't been able to post lately, but I still have been on plan. I am not going to say that I am doing Induction because I am not. Right now, I am just low carbing. I think this worked pretty well for me because I didn't get that blasted headache that I get alot of times when I restart.

I am not happy with the way that I am looking though. I wore jogging pants to work tonight and I don't like it. I really do feel fat all over again. It's a horrible feeling, especially when you know how much work you've put in. Sometimes I get discouraged because I don't feel that I have the fight in me anymore that is necessary to get to goal. I know that I want it so badly, but still that just isn't enough. Apparently not or I wouldn't have been within 20 lbs of goal and stopped. I so wanted to look nice for the convention this year, but I betcha that just like last year, I am going to weigh around 185. I just can't seem to get and stay away from that number, so that is probably where I will be. Only time will tell.

Okay, so right now I am just low carbing and not doing Induction. I would like to get started on Atkin's 72 induction on either Monday or Tuesday. I will keep low carbing so that I can at least maintain and not gain anymore. I still plan to implement all of my tools for success, it's just taking me a little time to get in step. I know that I will reach my goal and I know that I will not give up. I just want to get there because I am tired of how much time this is taking out of my life. Just too long. Probably in retrospect, I really wish I had went the WW route because I feel like this is going to be hard to maintain. I will have to come up with a plan because once I get to goal, I never want to be fat again.

I've learned a lot throughout this journey and before it is over, I am sure that I will learn alot more.

Day 1: So far, Okay

2008-06-04T22:04:00.003-05:00

Well, today was my first day and it is going okay. Little hodge podge. I haven't completely decided if I am going to do Atkins 72 or not. Little discouraged by it because I did so good and then completely stopped. It's pretty strict. I think of it as a middle ground between KK and the newer Atkins. At first I really thought it would be great, but when I stalled like that, I don't know that I feel the same. Well, I am not really going to worry about that right now. Today is more about making sure that I get my mind right and ready for low carbing. I am feeling a terrible bloat right now from my binging over the past several days. I can't wait until that goes away. What I want to try to do is be mindful of the way that I am feeling offplan so that I can really appreciate how I am feeling on plan. I don't know that I have ever really made that connection and perhaps that will help me see the importance of staying on plan. Any little bit that helps. :)

I think step 1 in staying on plan is on target. My mind is set and I am ready to stay on plan. Good for me. My plan is to just keep building on top of that to succeed. Kinda like momentum. I know that in order for me to reach my goal, I have got to be consistent and not give in to temptation. In the old KK days, I did not cheat and that is why I was able to lose weight so quickly and effectively. I believe I can have similar results if I continue on without cheating and keeping my mindset on course.

I have decided to stick to low carb, but still haven't decided which plan I am going to follow. I know that I need to figure that out, however, I think that a large part of the battle has been won with just getting started and being determined to low carb.

Exercise, I plan to start tomorrow. I think I can get the most for my efforts by combining intervals and weight training. Since I am trying to yield results by the convention in 6 weeks, I need to punch it, but not too much. I really don't want to push myself too hard. I will just end up burning out and that is not what I want. I so want to put myself somewhere in the middle where I am practicing something that is sustainable that can be my lifestyle. While I am not sure that I will low carb my whole life, I do feel like I started my journey LC and I want to finish it this way. We will just see.

Supplements, bad me today. I did not get my supplements in, but I will be sure to take my supplements tomorrow. Dr. Atkins really talked about how important it is to take supplements, so I really want to do better in that area.

Support, well, I think that I found a nice group of ladies over at the LCF board. They seem to be really nice and I hope that I am able to connect with them. It is still very new. There is one lady there that I met on another thread a few months back, so that is nice.

Consistency, I feel like I am definitely on the right path. I'm trying to get my mind trained to just keep going. Realize that each day that I do what I'm supposed to, I am building on what I did the day before, soon to be the week or month before. I am not focusing on perfection, because I am not perfect, however, I do feel like it is important to do the best job that I can to get REAL results.

So, that was day 1. Tomorrow is another day and my opportunity to build on what I started today.