Strong in spite of Weaknesses

Doing pretty good if I should say so myself. Although I have been tempted, I have not gone off course. I am doing AWESOME on my exercise rotation. I have not missed a single day. It's been a really interesting rotation. A good mix so that I don't get bored. It is a mix of the TLT's, Firms and Leslie Sansone. Tomorrow is a Leslie day and I am thankful. This morning, I did Firm - Jiggle Free Buns. Didn't really like it as well as I like Jiggle Free Arms, but I don't really like to work my lower body anyway.

As far as diet is concerned, I left behind Atkins 72 some time ago, but according to the ketosticks, I am still in Ketosis. Certain recipes have been really helpful for me sticking to plan. Adding in veggies has been a big help as well. I am still looking forward to transitioning from Low carb after the district convention. This girl needs a change. Who knows, I may try WW for 6 months or so and come back to LC, but right now, I think it is important for my psyche and for my family to change over to something a little more family oriented. I'm excited. I want to do it right though because I don't want to gain a bunch of weight. I have come to terms with the fact that I will gain some during the transition, but I don't want to gain alot. I hope not to go hog wild with food and continue to work out to lessen the gain.

My personal life is still quite challenging. It's definitely been hard on me, but I have been relying on Jehovah for strength and it has helped me a great deal. While Jehovah does not remove the problem, ita a biggy but somehow it doesn't stay on my mind constantly and that really shows for the power of prayer. I am sure that working out regularly and journaling has helped a great deal as well. I think that it is healthy for me. Praying, working out regularly and journaling is good for me. It is actually time that I am taking out for myself which I don't take alot of time to do. I feel very strong physically and stronger than I would think emotionally, so I am quite proud of that.

Going Strong

Well, still going strong! I have not missed a single workout since getting started last week. I am excited because I have not being able to stick to an exercise rotation for a good long while. I think that working out has helped me to. Stress has been at a high level lately, so I feel that the workouts have helped me alot. Yesterday was challenge day - TWO WORKOUTS! I did Firm Vol 4 PLUS Cardio Sculpt Blaster. It was tough, but I got through it. Tracie called it challenge day and it was that. :) This morning at 5:00 a.m., I got up and did my walk. I chose Leslie Sansone 4 Mile Express. Whew! It may be a walk, but it does make you sweat. I couldn't do Leslie everyday because I would get really bored, but it definitely is nice to do at least 1 x per week. Plus when you have a day of really tough TLT's, you are relieved to see that a walking workout is next on the agenda. I look forward to tomorrow even more so though. Tomorrow is a complete rest day - Woo Hoo! Wednesday's I take off because I already get started at 5:00 a.m. and I am not about to get up at 4:00 to workout. Then in the evening, I want to enjoy my family and rest, so I have designated Wednesday as my day off for sure. Thursday, I am back at it again though. I think Thursday is TLT Finding your Core. I haven't tried this one yet, but as I understand it is really tough. I think Tracie wants me to add on 3o min of cardio after the workout, so Thursday is definitely going to be a toughie!

I have really been enjoying my workouts. I didn't know, but this rotation has been perfect. Since I haven't done all of these workouts before or at least I haven't in a long time, they seem fresh and new and that is nice. I knew that I couldn't stand the thought of all Firms, so this is great! Already I can tell that my clothes are fitting better. My stomach is flattening as well. I don't know what the scale is saying, but I do know that something is definitely happening. I may not fit that dress for the assembly, but as long as I stay on track, I will look nice. Probably can wear a solid size 10 dress. Well, I will just have to see.

I can't believe that the District Convention is so close. At first it seemed so far away and now it is like in just a few weeks. I am looking forward to the District Convention. I hope that the girls do good like they did last year. The 2's have been quite interesting. They are so vocal and so active. I will pray that things go well because I could really use the encouragement and good information. I really enjoyed the book study tonight. I really want to do more spiritually, but sometimes we get so bogged down with stresses and pressures. Jehovah is good and He will strengthen us, we just have to rely on Him. More and more everyday, I am seeing the importance of this. There are just too many things for us to try to handle ourselves. Besides He wants us to throw our burdens on Him. So I am going to throw them on Him every day. I know that my day will go much smoother when I do.

Everything is Going Pretty Good!

Well, today, I added in veggies. Couldn't stand the meat only thing that I was doing. I do plan to add in some of my favorite lc recipes as I phase out. It doesn't mean that I won't make any of these anymore, I just don't plan to low carb diet anymore. Who knows, maybe down the road I will revisit, but I've got to try. A girl on my fitness forum posted a really informative article about retraining your metabolism after you damaged doing low carb and low calorie. Fortunately I am currently working out and I think that working out will help. Unfortunately a small weight gain is inevitable during the transition, but that is okay, I am used to that. Everytime I come off plan I gain 10-15 lbs, so I guess I am used to it, BUT, I have to have a plan to transition to so that I can continue to lose and also so that the gain can be minimal. I don't think that I have ever been working out in the process of going off plan. Typically I am binging and not even thinking about anything else. Anyways, I still have a goal, just plan to get there a different way.

My workouts are going WONDERFUL and I am enjoying them so much. This morning I did TLT Better Burn Better Buns. That was definitely a toughie, actually deceptively tough. I modified alot of the moves, so I didn't think I was working that hard, but by the end, I was definitely sweating buckets. I really like the functional fitness workouts. I find that already, I am holding my abs in alot more than I used to and that is great. I love that the moves are different and functional. I also enjoying integrating some Firms with the rotation. So far, I am 6 for 6. I've completed every single workout that was planned on my rotation, and I am quite proud of that. The other day, the girls were downstairs with me while I worked out. I just partitioned off the area that I was working out in and let them play. They were a little whiny, but overall they did great. Mya was even trying to copy the moves that I was doing and I LOVED that. I definitely want the girls to see me working out and hopefully that will extend to them and they will work out with me when they get older. :)

Hubby doesn't think that I should even bother weighing on the 10th. He thinks that I should just go shopping and whatever fits will work. I dunno. I would like to know where I stand and then several weeks later during the transition, I find out how I am doing. We'll just have to see. I feel he has a point though. If I am that blasted 185 I will not be happy and will proably be grumpy the first day of the District Convention. I really hope that I do not weigh 185. Maybe it is best not to even know. My body really seems to like that weight.

I did notice today that my abs are flatter, even though it is TOTM and then my shoulders are definitely not round. I don't know for sure if they were starting to round since I haven't really been working out, but I did notice that they look pretty good today, so that is quite promising.

I am hoping that by the time my girlfriends and I go to NY in August that I can be toned up pretty good. I still would like to take a class with LUAM and I know that I have got to build up my cardio endurance and fluidity of movement, so I know that I have some work to do. I can't wait. It will be so nice to get away. I hate that I am unable to take a vacation with my hubby sooner, but hopefully we will be able to go away for a few days during our anniversary in Novemember. Yippee!!! I hope to be smokin' hot by then.

So anyways, things are going pretty good diet and workoutwise. I am very optimistic and excited about the plans that I have to transition from low carbing. Low carbing has been in my life for over a year now and I really feel good saying that it is time to move on to something else. It's not a bad thing. It is a wonderful thing and I embrace it. It's going to take some courage because I have tried and failed in the past, but I have got to make it stick. I've learned some things from my past attempts and I am going to try real hard so that those things won't trip me up again. I'll never give up until I reach my goal!

Why did It Take Me So Long to Read My Own Blog?

I started at the very beginning, October, and worked my way up to March, so I still have some reading to do. I took some notes along the way and came to a few conclusions. Here are the very clear ones:

1) I am the least happy when I am on the very restrictive plans. Stillman's, KK modification or even Atkins 72 for that matter.

2) I am guilty of SCALE SABOTAGE!! I have noticed that the times that I hop on the scale daily are definitely the times when I go off plan when I stall on just gain a pound or 2.

3) I suffer from "Paralysis by Analysis", thus wasting alot of time.

All of these things factor into why I have not reached my goal. I haven't been consistent. Prolly 1x or month or so, I should have read through my previous entries to see where I am. I changed my mind so many times probably because I forgot what I wrote before and why. So in the meantime, I was going in circles. I was getting nowhere.

- If I had read my previous entries, I would have known that when I go restrictive, I don't last much longer than 2 weeks. It just doesn't work. I am extremely unhappy and extremely grumpy with my family. It's not worth it. I end up coming off of that plan and gaining the weight back, hence the 166-185 loop.

- I know this is an ongoing issue, but if I'd read my previous entries I would have recognized and paid attention to how many times I have ruined my success because of getting on the scale. Getting discouraged because no matter what I do, I stall and won't move. Getting on the scale daily is a major mind twister for me and I should not do it if I want to reach my goal. It's wonderful to see those pounds dropping, but when it's all over or a gain, it's all over for my plan, hence the 166-185 loop.

- There was a whole month that I wasted in my journal trying to plan to make the plan perfect and in the meantime I was getting fat all over again. I just need to quit wasting time. I am already tired of dieting. I am highly upset that getting to goal has taken up over a year of my life. I know that when I started I had alot to lose, so I knew that it would take time, but this is really ridiculous. So wasting a bunch of time trying to formulate the perfect plan definitely kept me in the 166-185 loop.

Clearly, I need to find a plan that is not restrictive and allows me to make decisions from a variety. Atkins 72, Stillmans, modified KK is not this. They are so restrictive and I don't have any choices. I came across my story of when I was a child and how I would rather starve myself versus eat what my mom prepared. That is the approach that I take with these types of plans. I would rather starve then force myself to eat another dry piece of chicken with nothing on the side. It's just not enjoyable and not realistic. I KNOW for a fact that it isn't something that I will stick to for life, so what is the point?

If I continue these behaviors I will never ever in a million years get to goal! I'll be continually frustrated and fat and very happy and in the end my family will frustrated, fat and unhappy and that is unacceptable. That's why I basically decided that I need a change. After the District Convention I am just going to move on to something else and just do it.

Don't plan to death and waste time,
Don't hop on the scale every day to see how things are going,
Stop restricting myself to low calories, certain food groups and water only
Find a plan that allows me to enjoy life!!!!

A few of the things that I noted is 1) Above all, I want to be healthy and a good example for my family. Since I prepare the meals and such, I set the tone for the health of my family. 2) I want to have fun. While there were some happy moments, really it has not been fun. When I read through my journal, I almost felt sorry for myself, why was I doing this to myself? Do I want to be thin that bad that I am willing to risk my health, my happiness, be a poor example to my family? This whole weight loss thing has consumed me so much. I am going to have to ask my hubby what it's been like to live with me over the past year. He's even more of a blessing than I previously thought.

There has got to be a happy medium. It's not as if low carbing is bad and when I was using Linda's recipes, I enjoyed myself quite a bit, but the reality of it is, I wasn't losing. It would get me back to my set point and then I would stop. What I have to resolve myself to is that at my current weight, I am no longer at any health risks, so I don't have to race. What I need to be is consistent. Whatever plan that I determine to follow, it needs to be balanced, livable and not completely frustrating. I don't believe that low carbing will fall into that category for me. The fact that it allows me to gain sooooo fast is almost a set up for cycling and that is nothing that I want to be in for the rest of my life. No way! So if I really think about it, this WOE in and of itself is self-sabotaging. I know that there is no way that I am going to cut french fries, cake, regular bread and regular pizza out of my life forever, there is no way, plus I want to enjoy those things with my family on occasion. So really there is no way that I am going to follow a plan where everytime I chose to eat those things, I gain 5-10 lbs. No, it isn't a plan that I am going to follow for life. It's just not.

So, I guess that I will try my best to see this plan through until July 10th and then I will close up this WOE. I am going to enjoy myself on the way out though. I will probably move on to the next stage. Prepare my low carb pizza, taco bake and other things that I enjoy on Atkins, but I won't continue on this plan past the 10th. I won't allow myself to feel bad about it either. I definitely gave it a fair shake. It helped me to lose alot of weight and I am happy about that, but throughout any journey, you may have to change your course. I definitely learned things from this part of my journey though and for those things I am very grateful!

Main things are don't continue in behaviors that will sabotage you ~ It only leads to frustration and send you in circles. As cliche as it sounds, Be consistent and the results will follow are the words I need to live by.

Roller Coaster of Emotions and Weight

Well, today was one of those days that I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Just in an overall bad mood. I'm dealing with some personal issues right now and so that definitely takes it toll on me. My husband is a wonderful man and he is very supportive. I feel so blessed to have such a kind and understanding man as my Stan. As well, I am praying to Jehovah for strength and endurance and look forward to the new system when the things that we have endured will be things of the past and won't be remembered. This is something that I am certainly looking forward to.

I completed TLT - Strength in Movement tonight. I think I liked that one better than the Endurance in Movement. It was a little more easy going and I like Jen. It was very challenging. I don't know why I do this to myself. I won't workout for weeks or months and then get restarted with some of the hardest workouts in my collection. I didn't quite know what to expect with these and while I won't use the word - fun - I certainly feel they add a little something different to working out and that is a good thing. At first I was going to try to stick to just a FIRM rotation and I just couldn't stand the thought of that, so I found this rotation and so far so good.

I am still following Atkins 72. I have no idea what I weigh, nor do I plan to find out anytime soon. I plan to follow it through the district convention. After that though, I am saying this and I really mean it....I am going to close the book on low carbing. It's just too hard to have to fix separate meals and there is just so much preparation. And while I lost a great amount of weight in a short period of time, it's now been a full year and I still have not met my goal. In this amount of time, I would likely be at goal if I had been following WW or something. Also, I just don't care for the lack of spontaneity with low carbing. I mean I can't just eat a bag of Doritos if I want to or get a taco. It's not that I want to splurge on these things, I just want to be able to eat them when I want to. Ultimately, it is up to me to make healthy decisions when I eat. So I can either choose to do so or not. Plus the fact that when I come off plan which is likely, I BINGE! I feel like I am trying to fit in everything that I have missed while on plan and I eat more and more terrible each time. I don't want that, but with the almost perfection that you have to have with low carb, it makes it impossible not to function that way. You have to pretty much do the diet exactly or you will knock yourself out of ketosis and you will be hungry and not losing weight. I think I am just sick and tired of the pressure. I don't have the fight in me anymore to starve myself or to be so restrictive. Ultimately, I just want to eat what I choose in moderation, drink plenty of water and exercise regularly. That's what I want. That is going to be my real Journey to Health! I'm tired of cycles and I am tired of doing this to myself. The long and the short of it is, I want to be healthy, I want to be a good example to my daughters and keep my husband healthy. I have a beautiful family that I love with all of my heart and I want us all to be healthy.

So, I am going to try my very best to continue to low carb through July 10th and then I am going to move on to something else. May be more along the lines of Buffmother's plan or it may be WW, or it just may be something that I have concocted myself, I'm not quite sure. But in the end, I don't believe that low carbing is going to be my journey to health. I may have started my journey here and with it, I lost a great amount of weight, but it's not how I wish to continue. I really don't feel that LC has helped me to create a healthy body, nor did it help me to create a healthy relationship with food. May have done it for others, but not me. It helped me to lose weight and since that was my goal, it did it's job. But that is not good enough anymore and not enough to keep me going. So over the next 3 weeks or so, I will be formulating a plan so that I can get things in gear to transition to something else. I know that I have tried other plans in the past, and I failed, but I really think that they failed because I was trying to follow such strict parameters that I set myself up to fail. Fortunately I have my blog and my old KK journal so that I can read through it and figure out how I was feeling, what things upset me, what things made me feel good and go with it. Health, that is what this journey is about, my health and I hope that I learn something during the course of it!

My world today

Today was a whirlwind day but it was nice. I got up and ate breakfast with the girls and fortunately the weather was pretty mild so I took the girls to the park and they had a nice time. They love the swings and the slide. It was just so much fun watching them have fun. It is really something how simple things can bring children such enjoyment. I really enjoyed my time with them today. After we got home, they ate lunch and went down for a nap. While they were down, I worked out and boy was it a workout! Today, I did TLT - Endurance for Movement. I have had the TLT's for quite some time, but just never got around to doing them. More of a functional fitness than traditional fitness workout and I can tell I am going to be feeling it tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Calorie Killer 2 from the Firm. I found a pretty neat rotation that Tracie created as a way to integrate TLT's and FIRMS. I don't know how I am going to look for the District Convention, but I do know that by the time it rolls around, I will be in much better shape than I am today. :) The moves are quite different in the TLT's. I am quite sure that I wasn't doing all of them right, but all I can do is do my best!

Really, that is all that I can do anyways. I can push and push, but in the end, I can't MAKE anything happen. Sure, I would like to be 160' ish by the DC, but the likelihood of that is very slim. I have no idea what I weigh and I have no desire to get on the scale. One thing that I have learned is to stay off of the scale. It is my way of sabotaging myself and not reaching my goal. I still have my goal in my mind. I hope to reach it before the years end. Well actually, I hope to reach it by our anniversary. If I don't, I should be rather close. Funny, I thought I would have reached my goal by my last anniversary, but it didn't happen. Maybe I should stop making goal dates and just shoot for my goal weight! Hey that rhymes! :)

No more goal dates, just goal weight! I think that is my new thing. Cause if I think about it, when I put myself on a sort of timeline, and if I mess up along the way, I may throw in the towel feeling that there is no way I will make it, however if I just keep a consistent goal weight, that can keep me motivated and on track. I will see how this works. In any event, I have got to stay off of the scale. It's not my friend.

I bought such a cute dress the other day. I would like to wear it to the DC, only problem is that it s a size 4. Right now, it doesn't even think about zipping all the way up on the side, however, it will one day. Hey, if I don't get to it for the DC it is okay. One day, it will fit just the way that I like it. If I stay on target, it will be before the warm weather is over this year!

Fat Day!

Well, I am still hanging on, but I definitely feel fat today. I haven't went off plan or anything, but I do feel fat. Prolly because I pulled out this dress that I haven't worn for awhile and I really don't recall it fitting this way in the past. I really need to get started on Atkins 72 and stick with it. I don't like how I feel, I don't like how I look, it's just depressing.

I don't really understand. In my mind, I know that I want to get to goal AND I know all of the things that I need to do, but it is just really hard to get going. Morton sent me an email the other day talking about self-sabotage and I think that is definitely what I am dealing with. I have been within 20 lbs of goal, but keep going in this loop of 20-40 lbs from goal. Why can't I just stick it out already? Well, I do have the twin toddlers, I work full-time, I have several weekly meetings, field service, studying for meetings, a husband, a needy mom...yeah, yeah, yeah, the list goes on. I know I have alot of responsibilities, that goes without saying, but I have to edge myself in there somewhere. It does take alot of prep to low carb as well. Takes time to prepare all of the meals. When low carbing, you can't stop anywhere and pick up a meal if you didn't prepare or didn't feel like it. Oy, so excuses can come quite liberally, but it doesn't change the fact that I am unhappy with my appearance and I'm not feeling all that good either.

Well, since I am not Superwoman, I know that I am going to have to look for support! I really want to get to goal, so I am willing to pray for it. I will be praying to keep myself on track and I will also be staying with my support group at LCF. I really want to do strict LCF and workout through the convention. The week of the convention, I will go shopping for the dresses that I will wear and go from there. If I am consistent and sticking to plan, I should be able to drop at least 15 lbs by the time assembly comes around. I may not know exactly what I weigh right now, but I think 15 lbs will make a big difference in how my clothes are fitting now. I hate to get all wrapped up in the scale thing because it really doesn't clearly represent what I have achieved. I will weigh on 7/10 just so I know where I am.

So anyways, I hope to get going on Atkins 72' by Tuesday. I have given myself a full week just low carbing to get my reacclimated, so it's time to move on to the next stage.

Still On the Journey

Well, I haven't been able to post lately, but I still have been on plan. I am not going to say that I am doing Induction because I am not. Right now, I am just low carbing. I think this worked pretty well for me because I didn't get that blasted headache that I get alot of times when I restart.

I am not happy with the way that I am looking though. I wore jogging pants to work tonight and I don't like it. I really do feel fat all over again. It's a horrible feeling, especially when you know how much work you've put in. Sometimes I get discouraged because I don't feel that I have the fight in me anymore that is necessary to get to goal. I know that I want it so badly, but still that just isn't enough. Apparently not or I wouldn't have been within 20 lbs of goal and stopped. I so wanted to look nice for the convention this year, but I betcha that just like last year, I am going to weigh around 185. I just can't seem to get and stay away from that number, so that is probably where I will be. Only time will tell.

Okay, so right now I am just low carbing and not doing Induction. I would like to get started on Atkin's 72 induction on either Monday or Tuesday. I will keep low carbing so that I can at least maintain and not gain anymore. I still plan to implement all of my tools for success, it's just taking me a little time to get in step. I know that I will reach my goal and I know that I will not give up. I just want to get there because I am tired of how much time this is taking out of my life. Just too long. Probably in retrospect, I really wish I had went the WW route because I feel like this is going to be hard to maintain. I will have to come up with a plan because once I get to goal, I never want to be fat again.

I've learned a lot throughout this journey and before it is over, I am sure that I will learn alot more.

Day 1: So far, Okay

Well, today was my first day and it is going okay. Little hodge podge. I haven't completely decided if I am going to do Atkins 72 or not. Little discouraged by it because I did so good and then completely stopped. It's pretty strict. I think of it as a middle ground between KK and the newer Atkins. At first I really thought it would be great, but when I stalled like that, I don't know that I feel the same. Well, I am not really going to worry about that right now. Today is more about making sure that I get my mind right and ready for low carbing. I am feeling a terrible bloat right now from my binging over the past several days. I can't wait until that goes away. What I want to try to do is be mindful of the way that I am feeling offplan so that I can really appreciate how I am feeling on plan. I don't know that I have ever really made that connection and perhaps that will help me see the importance of staying on plan. Any little bit that helps. :)

I think step 1 in staying on plan is on target. My mind is set and I am ready to stay on plan. Good for me. My plan is to just keep building on top of that to succeed. Kinda like momentum. I know that in order for me to reach my goal, I have got to be consistent and not give in to temptation. In the old KK days, I did not cheat and that is why I was able to lose weight so quickly and effectively. I believe I can have similar results if I continue on without cheating and keeping my mindset on course.

I have decided to stick to low carb, but still haven't decided which plan I am going to follow. I know that I need to figure that out, however, I think that a large part of the battle has been won with just getting started and being determined to low carb.

Exercise, I plan to start tomorrow. I think I can get the most for my efforts by combining intervals and weight training. Since I am trying to yield results by the convention in 6 weeks, I need to punch it, but not too much. I really don't want to push myself too hard. I will just end up burning out and that is not what I want. I so want to put myself somewhere in the middle where I am practicing something that is sustainable that can be my lifestyle. While I am not sure that I will low carb my whole life, I do feel like I started my journey LC and I want to finish it this way. We will just see.

Supplements, bad me today. I did not get my supplements in, but I will be sure to take my supplements tomorrow. Dr. Atkins really talked about how important it is to take supplements, so I really want to do better in that area.

Support, well, I think that I found a nice group of ladies over at the LCF board. They seem to be really nice and I hope that I am able to connect with them. It is still very new. There is one lady there that I met on another thread a few months back, so that is nice.

Consistency, I feel like I am definitely on the right path. I'm trying to get my mind trained to just keep going. Realize that each day that I do what I'm supposed to, I am building on what I did the day before, soon to be the week or month before. I am not focusing on perfection, because I am not perfect, however, I do feel like it is important to do the best job that I can to get REAL results.

So, that was day 1. Tomorrow is another day and my opportunity to build on what I started today.

I'm At It Again!!!!

That's right! I'll never give up until I reach my goal then I realize that after that, I will still have work to do to Keep It Off! I will reach goal and I plan to do it before this year ends. I have a plan - My Key to Success!


1) Mindset - Unless I have wrapped my mind around the plan, I can forget it. Once I get my mind set, I'm on my way!

2) Low Carb Plan - I have my definitive plan in mind - Atkins, and I plan to stick to that plan through the end.

3) Supplements - When I lost before, the focus was just on losing, nothing else. I have to do this smarter.

4) Exercise - A major part of success, plus I love to do it, plus it will help me to build the body that I desire. Good thing!

5) Support - This is very important because unfortunately this is quite a lengthy journey and when I get tired, I need support. I am searching for a group that I can connect with and feel on the same page. Haven't been able to find such a group since the old Turbo days. :) I will find my support group.

6) Consistency - This is the key to success in almost everything I try. I have to be consistent to see the fruits of all of my work.


So, I feel like I have all the tools for success, implementing the tools is the rough part. If even 1 of the 6 tools are missed, I will not succeed and so I am going to be working hard on this. I hope to get started tomorrow. Today was supposed to be the first day, but it just didn't happen.

My District Convention is July 11th and while it is very important to me to lose some weight by then, the major goal is to look and feel better indefinitely!

"My Plan for Success to Looking My Best" starts 6/4/08!