The Most Wonderful Thing about Being a Woman is...

You can change your mind ALOT. :)

Well, my hubby was going through the refrigerator and we found 7 bags of shredded cheese 5 or 6 cream cheeses and cream. At first I was just going to give it away until I realized how much money that was. Since we aren't going anywhere on May 30th, and there is no way I am going to reach goal by May 30th, I just decided that I am going to clear out my fridge of all those things first and then I will revisit Atkins 72'. I knew that I had went shopping before starting Atkins 72', but I didn't realize that so much cheese would go to waste. I was shopping for 2 weeks, but didn't realize that my husband would completely go off plan and that I would start Atkins 72. So, I typically don't gain when I am doing regular Atkins, I just don't lose. So I hope that it continues that way and that I don't gain anything this month. All of this cheese and stuff should be gone by the end of the month and then we can move forward. Possibly for the month of June, I will start Atkin's 72 again. Maybe I will do Biggest Loser next month.

I didn't weigh this morning. I asked hubby to hide the scale. I will go ahead and weigh on the 15th. Even though the scale hasn't went down for a bit, I am looking alot slimmer. It seems like when I gain, the weight goes straight for my abs and below. So I can definitely see that area slimming and my thighs are looking slimmer as well.

Well, I was really bummed out today, because I thought I had found the perfect house for us. I mean the price was right and the house actually had Mother and Law Quarters in it. I even drove by it last night to check out the neighborhood, only to find out this morning that there is a contract pending on the house. I was so letdown. My husband tried to tell me not to let it get me down to much and that another opportunity will come along. I prayed to Jehovah about it and had pretty much resolved in my mind that if it did not work out that it probably shouldn't, but I'm still a little bummed out about it. I know that something will come along that will workout for us. I know it will. Just like so many other things, we have to be patient. It really would have been something if that would have worked out. We haven't even really been looking that long. I guess as the saying goes, "Good things come to those who wait". I think that applies to housing, my weight loss and so many other things in life. I'll get there and I believe that I will be pleased with the results if I work for it, but don't force it. Just wait it out.

Boo Hoo Hoo - Cry Me a River

Am I a boo hooer or what? I was so peeved when I got on the scale this morning to see 182.4 again. The scale has been playing the 181.2 or 182.4 thing lately and it is driving me up a wall. I was so mad about it, I went and posted on a site inquiring about it. Not sure why since I have been low carbing for a long time and know about all of the many ups and downs of low carbing. I think it made me so mad because it is like it came to a complete HALT!!! For one minute, I am barreling along and then nothing. It was just hard, especially when I feel like I am doing everything right.

Also, I am so thankful for my old KK journal. I was reading through it a bit because I remember that I hit a wall kinda in the beginning on that plan as well. Apparently, the first time I tried KK, I stayed at 220 for 9 days and so I quit. Then when I did KK the next time, I stayed at 220 for 8 days at least. Then inexplicably, I dropped 5 lbs. So, I don't know. I guess that is just the way that you lose weight. Never a steady stream except in the beginning. In the old KK days, we called it a WHOOSH or knocking down the dominoes. However many days that you are not losing, as long as you are on plan, you are stacking dominoes and then a WHOOSH is sure to come. I just have to hold on and wait. I know that I am eating according to plan. I was just frustrated. Since I am getting so frustrated though, I believe that I am going to ask my hubby to hide the scale until my weigh in day on the 15th. If I weigh the same on the 15th though, I am pretty sure that I am going to be MAD, but I am doing everything right and everything within my power to move things along. My assumption is that I am losing inches along with way.

I am definitely a pear, so in order to get into the 170's, I guess I have to lose more weight on my lower body. Until I lose that weight on my lower body, I probably won't budge on the scale. Again, I just hate that I let my body get comfortable in the 180's and now I have to fight so hard to get out of them. I can NEVER let this happen again. NEVER! It is just too much work physcially and mentally to lose weight. I wish that I had never given up the fight and I would surely be at goal by now. I am definitely thankful that I didn't gain it all back, but still frustrated that in a few weeks, it will be basically a whole year that I have been doing LC and with all my off plan time, I am still not at goal. Not really even close. I wish I had found Atkins 72' after KK, it would have been so much easier and I am positive that I wouldn't be 182.4 today.

So, I've boo hooed and cried my river for the day, but ready to move on and not give up. I am stacking dominoes right now and hopefully just like before, once all of this over, I will drop 5+ lbs like I did before. That's the dream. :)

Taking One Day at a Time

Well, today, there was no change on the scale. Just pushing forward anyhow and hoping for the best. I have 4 days until my actual weigh in day so I hope that things start moving along a little bit better. The weight loss has slowed dramatically. I think that I lost 10 lbs within 7 days, so that means that over the past 4 days, I've only lost 2 or so, so I hope that things start moving a little better. It's certainly possible that when I went out Friday night that some sugar was in those hot wings or the dipping sauce and if so that may explain why things have slowed down so much. Ketostix don't tell me much, so I can't look to that. But I may have to try to get into ketosis all over again. I was a little hungry this morning, so who knows?

I am still going to push myself hard in hopes to reach the goal I have made for myself this month. I don't really have the same motivation since we are not going away, but we are going out to dinner. I think I really need to find a nice dress to wear so that I can look really nice that nice. Something to look forward to. Maybe it can be a dress that I already have that is a little snug that will probably fit better by the end of the month. I just can't believe that it is already the 11th. That means that I have exactly 20 days until the end of the month. Given that I lost 10 lbs in 7 days, it is possible that I can accomplish alot. I don't think that I have shrunk enough to be in the 170's yet. At least my body doesn't think so. My mother suggests eating more fish and that may be a route that I have to go ultimately, but since I am not a HUGE fish fan, I will wait on that a bit. I think the main thing is I don't quite know how to prepare it, but probably if I find some good recipes, it will taste good.

This morning before the meeting, I did Biggest Loser workout - Low Intensity Cardio. It was tough AGAIN, but that is good. I like to be challenged and I know that Challenge=Change. So I push myself, but those lunges and squats seem to go on forever.

So I am at work on break, but it is about over. I've brought chicken that I panfried, pork rinds and revolution bread to eat throughout the course of the day. Hopefully I am doing all the right things to reach my goal for the month. Only time will tell.

It's a little later on in the day (8:30 p.m.) and I'm feeling a tad discouraged. While I can certainly tell that I am leaning out very well, it's disheartening to know that I am 180 lbs again. I have fought this battle already and here I am fighting it again. That along with the fact that I really, really want some french fries and some chocolate. I hate that I am feeling this way. I am only 11 days into the month, but it doesn't change the fact that I am feeling this way. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is a new day.

Doing the Atkins Shuffle

Wow, I am just loving this. As of this morning, I am down another 1.2 lbs!!! So now I am at 181.2. Knocking at the door of the 170's. I am so excited. I just hope that things continue going so well. Calling it the Atkins shuffle because this weight is just movin on out! :) Other than that today has been a pretty sourpuss day. I just get so frustrated with Mya. I hate getting that frustrated with her, but today I just sat in the middle of the floor and cried. She just gets into everything. I don't even want to think about the disgusting dirty diaper episode the other day. It's just too much and to now know that I don't even get to go anywhere at the end of the month is just too much. I am just so tired. I really needed the few days, but alas it is not going to happen. It's just so hard because I work really hard to be a good mother and a good wife, but a person can only take so much. I feel that anger coming back again and I just can't put my family through that again. We've gotta figure something out.

The bad part is I had such a nice night last night. This Friday was "My Friday", so I decided to hang out last night with a few sisters from my hall. We met at Applebee's and had a really nice time. I ordered some hot wings and really enjoyed it. We picked Applebee's because it is the type of place that everyone can order whatever works for them. Like I said, I ordered hot wings, one ordered salmon and rice and the other ordered steak with a baked potato. All of us enjoyed our food and after eating we sat around and talked for a few hours. It was really nice and now that I think about it, it has been a long long time since I did that. I haven't had the opportunity to hang out seems like since the girls have been born. Maybe that is my problem, I need to have more social interaction and get out. It looks like going on more than 1 day excursion is out of the question for awhile, at least until the girls get older, so Stan and I are going to have to take a date night out for ourselves EVERY MONTH without fail. We need to go out and have a good time. Make a full evening of it. Many at the hall have volunteered to watch the girls while we go out, so it's there, we just have to actually do it. I think that is going to be really, really important for our sanity and to keep our marriage strong. Stan is so sweet, he knew I was very stressed out today, so he brought me a rose to my job. He is such a nice guy. I consider myself fortunate to be married to him. :)

Last nite, I mentioned to one of the sisters that we were going to be moving in the next 3-6 months, but interested in doing a lease-purchase. She said, "Oh a house next door to me was a for sale and now they have put it up for lease". So I followed her to her house after dinner last night and looked at the property. Given it was 10:30 at night and dark, but what I saw so far was nice. It has a nice sunroom on the back that just seems soo awesome. Okay fast forward....I just spoke with the realtor and this house will not work. We need a bedroom in the LL and this does not have one. So bummer, it would have nice to have neighbors next door that we know and also the SUNROOM! But oh well. That is not the house for us, but there will be others. There are TONS of homes for sale in the area that we want to live. We will get there and get the house that works for us!

So anyways, I am still focused and looking forwarding to reaching this high goal that I have set for myself. My mother mentioned to me yesterday that mid-june is our family renuion. I was thinking that I could have quite a bit of my weight off by then, especially if I am able to come close to my goal this month. I hate that I am kicking and scraping to get back into the 170's. It's so depressing, but I guess the main thing is to continue until I get there and pass it. I didn't get a chance to workout today or yesterday, but I plan to get up before the meeting and get my workout in tomorrow.

So, I say "Adieu" to this day. I have emailed all of my fellow weight loss net buds and have heard from none of them. I hope that everyone is okay. Morton, Miguel, Tawn, Karen and Mary, if you read this and you are out there, GIVE ME A YELL!

Moving Along on Atkins 72'

Well, according to the scale this morning, I am still at 182.4. No biggie because I have been losing so well this morning. When this happens, it forces and/or gives me an opportunity to look at my eating and see if there is anything that I need to tweak to keep things moving. So, I need to make sure that I revisit what I planned to put in place in order to reach my goal:

- Tons of water (no water weight is going to hold me back)
- Stick to my workout plan (try to change the shape of my body along the way and assasinate some calories. Besides who wants flab?)
- Try best to stick with proteins and fats only.
- Eat more some day, less other days to keep my body guessing.
- Eat mostly chicken and fish.
- Continue to limit cheese.

My goal this week is to lose 8 lbs. We will see. If I lost nearly 12 the first week, it is plausible. It's a darn shame, but I want to prove Kimmer a liar in another way. She claims that she has the fastest weight loss plan EVER! On my best month, I lost 26 lbs in one month. Given, I am alot smaller now than I was then, but I would love to lose 27 lbs and say "You Liar, I lost 27 pounds on Atkins." You know, even if I make it to 26.2 lbs I will say she is a complete liar and will probably make it part of my siggy. I really hope to make it, but that is like 15 more lbs in 22 days. We will just have to see. I will work hard for it and NOT starve myself in the process. I'm thinking that even if I don't make it, but lose like 22 lbs instead, I will still say that I lost 22 lbs in 1 month and didn't have to starve myself. :)

So anyways, that is my plan. In order to reach this lofty goal, I will have to lose like 8 lbs. this week and 7 lbs the next. Time will tell.

I WISH I'd Known

I had no idea that Atkins 72 was the superior plan to the newest plan. I should have known though. Many years ago, my mom followed Atkins 72 and lost so much weight. She looked sooo good. But anyways, I remember that she was following the 72 version and I remember she lost it very quickly. It seems like everyday I lose a lb and if I don't lose 1 day, I lose 2 the next day. It's amazing!!! As of this morning, I am down another 1.4 lbs! I am at 182.4!!!! That brings my losses to almost 12 lbs in just about 1 week. I believe a few months back in 1 week I lost 12 lbs, but that was not after a reached a "plateau" or "set point", so I am very, very excited about my weight loss. If I continue at this unbelievable rate, I can definitely be at goal by the assembly this July. That will be so wonderful! If I am at goal by July, I will have the rest of July, August and some of September to wear shorts and feel good about myself. Wow, I can't wait.

Now, the focus is my hubby. He still has so much weight to lose. Since I am doing so well on Atkins 72, now he is expressing interest in the plan. I dunno though. He doesn't want to read the book, but I think that is really important. He needs to read the book, understand the science behind it and understand why it is so important that he stick to the plan and not cheat. I think it will help him to stay on track. I really want him to lose the weight. I want us to look good together. Good and healthy. My husband is very attractive, but the excess weight makes him look older and I know he would feel so much better about himself if he does. Especially now that I am thinner, I think he feels a little self-conscious about his weight. He puts alot of emphasis on food and how good it tastes. That is why I supported him when he decided to go the WW route because if food and how good it tastes is important to you, maybe that would be a great plan, however, he couldn't quite stick with that either. He says that he does better when we are on the same plan, so we will just have to see.

It doesn't look like we are going to be able to go anywhere this month. I really thought that my sister would chime in and help us out so we could go away for a few days. However, she is so self-absorbed and ridiculous right now that she wasn't interested. That is okay. No matter how much we were looking forward to it, we will get along. We will go out to dinner on the 30th though. I really want to be able to wear a slammin dress. If I make it to 168 or something, which is certainly plausible, I could be looking really nice. I think we will probably go to Outback or something where I can have a wonderful steak and veggies. That will be sooooo wonderful. Oh yeah, back to the clothes. I want to wear a nice dress. I will try to find a dress that will really show my weight loss. That will be awesome!

Today is a workout day. I will be doing my Biggest Loser workout. I don't know if I will do the weights one or just do the Low Intensity Cardio again. I have put the other Biggest Loser workouts in our Netflix queue, so those will be coming soon to add some more variety. Bob sure does work you hard, but that is good. My Last Chance workouts!

Well, today has been another successful weightloss day. I just talked to my mom about it and she remembered how much she lost and how well she lost on that plan. She says she easily knocked off 25-30 lbs in one month. She didn't cheat and she had alot of success. Wow, if I could follow what she did, I could be at 166 by the end of this month possibly. I am certainly on the right track for it right now. Whew! This is all so exciting. Ketostix are showing small to moderate, but I'm still losing steadily so I am not going to worry about it. I didn't really know about the effectiveness of Atkins 72, but I know it now and so happy that I have found it!

Oh Happy Day!

Yeah, it's a happy day! I am grinning from ear to ear!!!! This is one of those instances where it is okay to be wrong. Apparently, my theory isn't totally accurate. This morning the scale read 183.8!!! I had to get on the scale a few times to check on that. 183.8???!! That means I am under the dreaded 185 in just a matter of days! Wow! I can't believe it. Had to bring out my little dancing guy. I've missed him.

Seriously though, I cannot believe that I sailed on through that "set point". I wonder is a set point real then? I wonder if since I have already passed this weight several times if my body is just skating on through? The only other thing that I can think of is perhaps since I lost and gained the same weight so many times that I have a new set point. Maybe 180? Who knows? I am not going to question it too much because I am ecstatic about it!!! It would be kewl if I could skate on through to 160'ish. We'll just have to wait and see. I still have over 20 days before May 30th.

I haven't been keeping track of what I am eating, but I do eat. Last night I had a steakuum sandwich and it was very very good. I ate 2 parmesan chicken sandwiches at work. For breakfast I ate some breakfast custard. Matter of fact, I am having that right now. It tastes pretty good and easy to take to work. Anyways, right now, I am just riding the wave and enjoying as much of it as I can. I know that I can do this. From watching Biggest Loser, I realize that there really is no limit to what I can lose in any given timeframe. I don't expect to lose like they did on the show, they were supervised and probably exercising for hours everyday which I can't do, nor do I really want to. But it does tell me that if I have the tools and the drive, I can reach my goal. I know it is really easy to be optimistic now when I am practically averaging 2 lbs per day, but why not enjoy it? Why not bask in my excitement. I've lost over 10 lbs in less than a week. That merits alot of excitement. Every pound that I lose gets me closer to my goal of wearing shorts this summer and feeling good in them. Once I get back to 166, I'll probably feel comfortable wearing shorts. So the goal is to get there.

I know the shape and composition of my body has changed since I am older now and have had children, but I remember being the bomb at 155. I remember that I was 155 when I did a class at Bally's. All I had on was biking shorts and a sports bra and I really looked great. That is the last time I remember going out in public with those type of clothes on. When I get there again, I am going to put something similar on and take a picture. Proof of what I have achieved in my 30's.

Well, I guess that is about it right now. Can't believe how close I am to the 170's. In less than 5 lbs, I can be in the 170's!!! I am serious this time, I want out of this loop and never to come back again. I want to always stay under 160. It is quite a happy day. Indeed!

Focused and Ready to Lose!

Well, I was pleasantly surprised when I got on the scale this morning and it said 185.0!!! Woo Hoo! I thought it was going to be next week sometime before I saw that staring back at me! This even before I started my new plan with workouts and everything! I am so excited! This really makes me optimistic about reaching and possibly exceeding my goal for this month. Originally, I was shooting for 175, but since that is only 10 lbs away and I still have over 20 days, I'm gonna aim higher. Why not? Gives me something to aim for so that I won't get lazy along with way.

I was thinking, how awesome would it be to reach the 160's by then. I know that I'm asking alot, but I would love that. If I by some weird twist I got to 166, I would be back at my highest loss which is 75 lbs. That would really be something! I am going to aim for it. Aim for 166. I realize that is like 19 more lbs, but even if I get close, I have accomplished alot in just 1 month and really tells me that by the time my convention comes around, I could have accomplished some great things. I could be at goal by the convention which is July 11-13 this year. I just want to look slim and toned and healthy. That's what this journey is all about. And not just getting there, but staying there. Being a good healthy example to my daughters.

I don't know if it was the 194 that flashed up on the scale or what, but on May 1st, I couldn't even force myself to eat and ever since then, I have just been completely focused and determined to continue on. Yesterday my family went to Taco Bell and got dinner. TB's empanadas are so good to me, plus the girls got quesadilla's and you know it didn't even tempt me. I think what happened was is I got comfortable. I had lost a nice amount of weight, getting compliments and I think I just got lazy, but when I saw that 194, I woke up real quick. It was also the way that I was feeling, slouchy and lazy. Wasn't dressing as nice or putting on makeup like I had been. It's okay now. I'm back on track and ready to lose, lose, lose and get to goal.

I got up at 5:15 this morning so that I could get my workout in. Since I have decided that this month is going to be my own BIGGEST LOSER month, I decided to workout with Bob. I think he is such a cutie and has such a great personality. I enjoyed the workout alot. It was alot tougher than I thought that it would be and I did the LOW intensity cardio. I'm a little afraid of what I am in for on the HIGH intensity day. Yikes! Anyways, my plan is to workout 6 days per week until the end of the month. I only wanted to workout 5-6 days per week anyway, but I've decided that Wednesday's are going to be my day off. I already get up at 5:15 a.m. anyway to get the girls to daycare. I can't quite stomach getting up at 4:xx to workout, so I will be leaving off Wednesdays. The workouts are short, like 30 minutes including the warmup and cool-down, but they pack quite a punch. I'm viewing them as my "Last Chance Workouts" and really pushing myself to put my all into it. So far, so good. I am feeling pretty good so far. Just drinking and trying to keep my proteins high and carbs low.

I'm going to make it. I am going to wear shorts this summer while the weather is hot. I really love that show the Biggest Loser. I never really watched it until this year. I caught some older episodes on Style channel or something and really found it so interesting that these people were losing these vast amounts of weight, week after week. That really helped me to get motivated and get going. I know the way and I know that it is certainly possible to lose a nice amount of weight. I just have to commit and not be sidetracked. I will get there! I am Focused and Ready To Lose!!!!

I've decided....

I'm not going to just sit there and take it. My body says "You are going to have to stay at 185 or higher for at least a week" and I am just going to take it! No, I don't think so. If that does happen, it won't be because I haven't worked hard. I am going to fight it. Here's my plan:

- Continue to stick with proteins and fats only.

- No diet pop or sugar free lemonade, water only!

- Workout - walking and resistance. No heavy weights right now.

- Lots of water!

- No cream cheese and try to limit cheese.

- Stick with primarily chicken. I have plenty of it!

- Pork rinds for the crunchy and salty need.

So that is my plan right now. If my body is happy at 185 or above, I am going to make it very hard to stay! I am going to make this my own personal Biggest Loser contest.

Elementary....It's All Elementary

Just as I suspected, the scale did not budge this morning. Yep, I've been at the low carb game long enough to figure out exactly how it works. Even though I've figured out this much, I still don't really have an idea how long it will take me to getunder 185. I know it will be at least 1 week, but it's going to be a real bummer if it is much longer than that. But what can I do?

Still on plan. Yesterday was bacon, eggs and 2 pieces of the Revolution Roll is really good. Then later on I had a turkey burger with mayo and bacon on Revolution Roll. It was really very good. All legal foods and I think I won't have a problem with that. I still don't feel like I am in ketosis which I don't quite understand. I thought that you go into ketosis after being on plan for 48 hours. I forgot to test this morning. I got really hungry yesterday, so I don't think I am. Plus, I am kinda hungry right now. I can't really remember if I was hungry during KK or if I just ignored it. I think I remember ignoring it and then after the awhile the hunger would go away. But on Atkins he doesn't want you to feel hungry so I dunno. One thing I do know is that I would like for the scale to move and not take all day about it.

Typically, I buy the pork rinds from Aldi's or Save-alot and I really like them, but last night I had ran out and went to Schnucks to get a bag and they only had the Bakenets brand which was $2.09 YUCK! Anyways, I bought them and really didn't like them. I like my pork rinds to be crispy, those were kinda soft and had a texture I can't really describe. Maybe I got a bad bag or something. Who knows, but long and short is, I am going to make sure I get mine at the cheap store where they are .99 a bag and crispy like I like them.

So far so good. Not a whole lot of cravings and right now I have the eye of the tiger. I am extremely determined to get to goal and that feels good. I don't think I've had this same determination since the old KK days. I have been wavering for quite a while, just going back and forth, but that is not even in my head. Quitting is not even an option. I'm so tired of this cycle I don't know what to do. Plus, Atkins 72 is much more sustainable than KK or Stillmans. I am not really sure of the results because I've not really seen this plan in action outside of getting me back to where I was, which I was able to do that on the old plan so that's no biggie. I am aiming to lose weight clearly, so we will just have to see how that goes. I guess I could go to the LCF Atkins 72 forum and see how their losses are going for a little bit of an idea. I just can't imagine that it would be too difficult. I am eating virtually no carbs and not a horrible amount of calories. We will just have to see I guess. 4 Days under my belt CHEAT FREE! I'm on a roll.

Facing...

Well, according to the scale this morning, I am at 187.6, so I have lost a few ounces, but that is it. This is the smallest loss since starting on the 1st. This pretty much tells me that this is my actual weight because the last weight that I remember was 187.2. My experience over the past year with low carbing is this: You may gain very quickly if you go off plan, but if you back on plan very quickly you can lose all of that weight and get back to where you started. If however, you stay off plan for an extended period of time, that weight sticks and then you are stuck with trying to get it all off again. Basically the weight that got me up to 194 was water weight or something that I could easily lose. You can lose about down to where you were, plus interest, so since I was 187.2 before, my interest is the .4 lbs which I guess isn't really that bad. If my theory is correct, the scale isn't going to budge much if at all for awhile. Probably a week or better. It will be a week or better before I get under 185 I am pretty sure. I have to actually change size to get under 185 and my body doesn't want to. That is why I could just kick myself for letting myself get and stay over 185 for a period of time.

So anyways, everyday I will probably be mad. Gripe and complain even though I am almost positive that I know what will happen. Once I get under 185, I don't think that I have another set point until 166, so that is the good news. I just have to stay on plan and hope that I can get past this 185. I wonder if there is anything that I can do to help it along. I know that lifting weights may help with size, but I don't think it is going to do much for the scale. I can try to drink alot of water so that I can make sure that I am not holding on to any fluid. Really other than that, I am not aware of anything else that I can do. I am pretty much going to stick with eating as much protein as possible. Right now, no veggies even. That may help. Yesterday, I made some revolution rolls and they were really good on a chicken sandwich with cheddar, mayo and bacon. Very flavorful. I made the rolls with mayo, so it was completely made out of allowable foods. The book can be kinda confusing at times because it says "No cheese but hard cheese, no cream cheese or spreads", but then the Revolution rolls has cottage cheese in it? So anyways, I subbed mayo for the cottage cheese and they turned out fine. I am going to make another batch today. Pretty much I ate a chicken sandwich for lunch and pork rinds on the side. Pork rinds kinda subbed as chips so it was actually pretty good. I also had a few pickles, but as I understand that is okay, but in all actuality, I will lose those pickles in a heartbeat if I feel it will interfere with me getting under 185. I should probably lose it anyway because it could be potential. My main goal right now is to get under 185 and I know that my body is going to fight me tooth and nail over it, so I better not give it any excuses.

Okay, so the plan is to eat mostly protein, drink tons of water and NO CHEATING! I know that I can do it. This isn't nearly as strict as KK and I stuck to that for 4.5 months with only 1 off meal that I recall, so I know I can. Only eat a salad if I have to. My main reason for that is not because of no carbs but because I have a hard time finding dressings that I like. You can only eat 1 cup loosely packed anyways, so what's the point. I know in the book he says that biologically in 99% of the people, it doesn't make a difference, but like I said, unless I can find good dressings with no sugar, I don't see the point. If Stan and I go out to dinner, I probably will, but not before.

I was thinking that I was going to follow the plan until my trip, but I was thinking about it on the way home from work last night. If I do that it will simply put me in a loop of 166-185 all over again. I am really tired of that cycle. I may just have to find a way to stick to plan even while I am on my long weekend. Kind of a bummer, but well worth it if I don't have to see the 180's again. This time around, I think I have learned my lesson. I have been in this same loop for far too long and I am really ready to get out. There is a girl on the group and her ticker says 154. When I saw that I was like "That is sooooo where I should be now. Not sitting here in the 180's." I got lazy and comfortable and because of that I haven't made any progress.

So that is my plan. Like I said yesterday, I probably will not stick with low carbing for life, but since I started it that way, I will try to end it that way. I actually want to finish something that I start. I could have easily reached my goal by May 30th, but I didn't put the work in that I had to and here I stand. That's over now. - IT'S GO TIME!

Things seem to be moving along

Well, according to the scale this morning, I am 188.2. So, I am definitely headed in the right direction. I know that I need to stay off of the blasted scale, but it is like an obsession right now. I just have to get under 185. That is so important to me. Even more important is not getting over that number again. I can't believe that I was sooo very close. I was at 166!! Now, I am over 20 lbs heavier than that and past a set point that my body doesn't want to pass.

I remember earlier this year I decided that I was going to take more of a lackadaisical approach to my goal. I think I did it a little too much. I got a little bit too comfortable and because of that I am much heavier than I want to be and summer is practically here. I think I am just tired of trying to lose weight. I hate that I gained so much that losing weight is taking up so much of my life. I am obsessed with it now and probably will be for the rest of my life unless I find a lifestyle plan. I am pretty sure that Atkins 72 is not the lifestyle plan that I want. I don't want to live my life in ketosis, NO WAY! It is so easy to get knocked out of ketosis. If I do low carb, which I am pretty sure that I won't, I will do something like Protein Power where I don't have to be in ketosis. I don't mind low carb eating, matter of fact, I love most of the recipes, it just takes a lot of preparation and it's not great when you want to go out to eat.

Well, last night was family night, so we took the girls to a fair that was going on down the street. I think they had a nice time. After that we went to BK. They love the chicken crowns so we went there and they had a really nice time. Took pics, it was nice. Since Stan is not on plan, he ate whatever he wanted. I on the other hand was on plan. What I ate was a triple stacker with bacon and mayo. It was actually pretty good. BK burgers are really good and flavorful, so since I ate that, I really didn't feel deprived or anything. Sure, I would have liked some fries or something. Plus the cookies and cookie dough pie that my family was eating looked good. BUT nothing that they were eating could overturn how gross and fat that I feel right now, so I resisted. I am glad that I did because now I am down almost 6 pounds and I am very happy about that.

However, it is not lost upon me that the 3 things that I said I would stay away from are the very things that I ate last night - Hamburger, American cheese and mayo. Oh well, I will just see how it works. Having a fear of food just makes this way of eating too hard. I don't want to make this any harder than it has to be, but at the same time, I don't want to be wasting my time and money. What I would like ultimately is to be able to make the choice what I would like to eat. If I want to eat low carb meals one day - Fine. If I don't the next day - Fine! If I am following WW, then I have that option. I can eat whatever I would like, just count the points. That seems to be so much more livable. It is my choice if I want to make healthy choices or not. I think by the time I come back from our "Long Weekend" I can make a choice and stick with it. I have got to move on with my weight loss journey. Here we are practically 6 months into the new year and I am stilll overweight and still unhappy.

Well, on to bigger and better things. I am pretty excited about our long weekend at the end of the month. This is a pretty special time. May 30, 1998 was the date that I met Stan. So it will really be nice to be celebrating around this time. That knucklehead has been in my life for 10 years. I love him to pieces and so happy to have met him. I want this time to be nice. It would be great if I was at my goal weight as well because I believe I got restarted on my weight loss goal either May 30th or 31st of last year. It would be so nice if I had achieved my goal, but since that is impossible, I will just shoot for 175. At this point, it is like 13 lbs away and very achievable. If I remain consistent, I believe I can do it. Never know though, when I was looking at my old KK journal, I stayed at 185 for such a long long time. I just don't know. I am going to try my best not to let that ruin my trip if that does happen. To be so close.

Still don't quite know where we are going. We were planned on going to Vegas, but with the cost of flights and our budget right now, I don't think we are going to be able to go there. We will probably end up going to Ozarks. Our old standby when we can't go anywhere else. Well, even if we do end up going to the Ozarks, we will be sure to go somewhere nice for our anniversary this year. We will start putting back money to go somewhere nice as soon as we get back from this vacation. I just can't believe this economy. It's horrible. Makes it so hard for the average family especially if you weren't doing so hot before all of this started.

So, I am just going to take 1 day at a time. I will probably keep weighing daily so that I can try to keep a handle on things. At least until I go on vacation. I am so looking forward to vacation. Boy oh Boy! I love my girls, but it will be nice to have at least 2 consecutive days where I don't have to hear their whining and fussing. I love the new things they learn all of the time and how intelligent they are, but the 2's are terrible indeed.

Well, I guess that is it for today. So many things on my mind that each day's entry could certainly be a book. But I will end it right here.

Figuring it all out

I tell ya, I can't think of any other weight loss effort in my life where so much has got to be figured out. It's mind-boggling. Yesterday ended up being a fast I didn't put a single bite in my mouth. I think I was in such disbelief of the scale yesterday, I just couldn't bring myself to eat and as the day went on, I found I really wasn't hungry. Around 8 p.m, I felt a little bit of hunger creeping up, but at that point I was like, why bother. So anyways, this morning, I got up with a headache. I got on the scale and it read 191.2, so I lost a few of those pounds. Thank goodness. I just couldn't stand the fact of being sooooo close to 200. I never ever want to look at the scale again and see 2xx staring back at me. 194 was just waaaayyyy to close for my comfort.

So far today has been interesting. The problem is I don't know exactly how to proceed. I have read the Atkins 72 book, but then when I go online I read stuff a little different from people that had success with this version. I also pulled up my old KK journal and found that cheese, mayo and hamburger seemed to stall me. So I have that floating around in my mind. I think I am in panic mode right now which is dangerous and scary for me. I feel like I am going back to that old KK thinking where I have a fear of food. But right now, I am feeling that is rightly so. If I don't have a fear of food, will I balloon up even more?

Like the Atkins 72 version says, any hard cheese, but when I read the forum they said certain cheeses like the cheese wrapped in wax. I don't really know. I just know I have a whole lot of cheese here right now that I bought when following the newer version and not sure what to do with all of it. I am pretty much going to steer clear of American cheese slices. I just want to succeed. It really felt bad yesterday to realize that I really haven't had much success since ending the horrible KK plan. Will I ever get to goal? Should I give up on Low carbing? Losing weight shouldn't be this much of a battle. I understand maintaining being tough, but losing the weight? Why so much to figure out? Why so hard to find the answers? Why so easy to gain it all back?

From the mere fact that I gained 7 pounds in 3 days just tells me that I need to either do this or not. Going back and forth is getting me nowhere. I need to follow a plan that I feel that I can follow for life. I've really got to figure it all out. As of right now, I am feeling that unless this month just turns out to be awesome, I may abandon LC once and for all after I come back from my trip. May 30th will be 1 full year that I have devoted to low carbing and I still haven't reached goal. I truly feel that if I had devoted a year to WW, I may be at goal today. May have taken longer in the long run, but hopefully I would have developed better eating habits and not doing this roller coaster thing that always seems to happen with low carbing. It's too early to tell, but I am just doubtful that I want to low carb my whole life. I like to go out with my family and enjoy myself. Like tonight is supposed to be family night, but since I am eating low carb, we can't really go to a family place like Chucky Cheese or anything, because I can't eat that. I know it is what I make it, but unless I can figure out for sure how to apply this lifestyle to the entire family, it just doesn't work for me and I am not going to force it anymore.

Between now and the 30th, I would like to lose 19 lbs. Well, I guess it isn't 19 anymore since I lost a few. Now I need to lose 16 pounds I believe. So I think that if I am strict with myself, it is certainly possible. I am not afraid of putting in the hard work to achieve my goal, I just want to feel like it is achievable and that I can stay that way once I get there. I know that I have to make a committment and make it a lifestyle change. The problem is I am not so sure that low carb is the lifestyle change that I want.

It's Go Time!

Well, it is a new month and a new start. Am I tired of this cycle or what? I was thinking about it today and I realized that I have not really made any progress in my weight loss journey since stopping KK. I have actually thought of returning to KK, because after a lot of time money and frustration, I am ending up FATTER! I hold my head low to type that when I stepped on the scale this morning it read 194.0. I am in disbelief. I was at a stall for probably over a week at 187.2 and when I came off plan a few days ago, it was as if my body was waiting for it so it can get me back in Twoderville. Uh-uh! No way! I'm not going to let it happen!!! I have worked too hard over the past year to let that happen. I've really accomplished a whole lot of nothing for the past several months now and it really is terrible. Just awful! Right now, I sit at my laptop dismayed. Today, I have decided to do Atkins 72, but I haven't even eaten anything yet today and it is 2:16 p.m. I almost want to just starve myself because I just feel like such a failure and like I would just be making it worse by eating.

So many people look down or frown on those of us that followed KK, thinking that it was madness for us to starve ourselves. But you can't say that unless you've experienced being fat and not able to lose. KK gave us the continual weight loss, with no hunger. Sure it was boring, sure it was unhealthy, but it WORKED! Since leaving KK, I told myself I would not go down that road again and so I won't. But, I do need strictness and I do need results, so I am going to try Atkins 72. I picked up the book a few weeks ago at a resale shop and I have been reading it. Plus there is tons of info on LCF. I've really got to do something NOW! I am so unhappy and just feel so very fat. While KK may have been unhealthy, I see nothing better with this constant gain and lose cycle that I have been on since stopping KK.

I realize that Atkins 72 may not be as fast, but from what I have read it will be alot more enjoyable and not as strict. On KK, I believe the goal was to eat as little as you can get away with whereas in Atkins 72 on page 141 he says: THE FIRST WEEK - EAT THE MOST- LOSE THE MOST!!! So I'm actually looking forward to this and really want to stick with it. I have to do this to get to goal. I realize that my journey to goal is not a race, but at this point, not only do I keep falling down, I am practically out of the race. I am going backwards and that is not acceptable at all. My last few days of KK, I had lost a total of 75 lbs. As of today, my weight loss is 47 lbs due to what I have gained back. That's practically 30 lbs!!! That's just so hard to type because I know that I worked so hard for that. The deprivation, the frustration the pushing the pulling. All of it. It's not good enough and I am prepared to make whatever changes are necessary in order to reach goal.

The end of the month will be a year that I have been on my weight loss journey. I would love to at least be at the 75 lb mark, but I fear it is not possible. Since I haven't done Atkins 72 before, I really don't know what it will do for me. I think it will be alot better than Atkins 92. I find that with Atkins 92, I can maintain but that is about it. I am not at a weight that I feel comfortable maintaining. I still need to lose. I feel that Atkins 72 lies somewhere in between Kimkins and Atkins 92 and I think that is a pretty good place for good results.

Right now, the plan is to walk 5 days per week. I haven't done it today yet, but clearly today is not going to be a perfect day. My goal is still to reach 175 by the end of the month and lose some inches. I have been doing really good with my skin, so I am really hoping that by the end of summer, I can look like a new woman and actually meet my goal. I am just so tired of the cycle I have been on. It's time!~~ It's definitely Go TIME!