Somethin's Gotta Change!

Seems like I haven't been here FOREVER! But, I guess the reason for that is that I am doing a whole lot of nothing. I feared that this would be the case because the last time that I tried to leave low carb, I ended up doing nothing but gaining a bunch of weight and that is what I am doing right now. I hate the cycle that low carb put me on. While I am happy that I lost alot of weight, I wish I hadn't done it the low carb way. It isn't the way that I want to eat for life and now I am stuck with gaining alot of weight and so darn quickly. I'm not going to say that I haven't been tempted to ease back into low carbing because I have, but I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT! I know that I would always find a reason to low carb. There is always some event or something going on in my life or just the sheer fear of being fat all over again that is there to get me back on that road again, but I won't do it! I won't let myself get uber fat like I was before, but I won't low carb again either. So what's a girl to do?

It's hard because I feel trapped. Although WW is so simple by nature, I feel absolutely lost. It's my own fault I guess. I am a research queen and just like I belonged to LC forums, I should find a WW forum and get involved. Yeah, I know. It's just hard. I can't believe I have allowed this much time to elaspe and now I am plumping up something awful. I dare not get on the scale, because I know a number will stare back at me that I never wanted to see again in my life. I won't even take myself through that. I looked very puffy today and my thighs are huge all over again. It's murder taking myself through this all of the time. That is the very reason why I won't low carb again. I won't do it again.

I am supposed to be hanging out with my girlfriends at the end of this month. Lord only knows what I will look like by then. I just hope that I don't continue to gain. I need to get on the stick and at least stop the gaining. It's so horrible and demoralizing to gain so fast. I feel Plus size all over again.

The thing I have discovered about myself is that I am an all-or-nothing type of gal. I don't dip my toe in to test the waters, I either do it or I don't. When I get on a diet, I have to eat right, exercise, drink water and do everything right and I can be on a roll BUT if I get off plan or off track --- Whoa Nelly, I am soooo off plan and sooo off track. I can't do anything a little bit. If I am off plan, I don't work out, I drink everything BUT water. It's terrible. Like watching a trainwreck happening in slow motion. I wish I could figure out a way to do things slowly. Like maybe week 1, drink water only. Maybe week 2, start working out, week 3, watch my points, something like that. Sounds sensible and doable, but highly unlikely. Ugh, maybe I will start like that. I think I just overwhelm myself, trying to take on too much at one time. Then going into unchartered waters like WW is just freaking me out. I did this with Buffmother at the beginning of the year and ended up wasting alot of time and gaining weight in the meantime. I have really got to learn about myself and pay attention or else I just keep making the same mistakes and just completely frustrate myself. So, we will see. I bought some groceries this weekend in an effort to start cooking at home and not eating so much out, bad for you, fast food. Maybe that will be my focus this week - No Fast Food. Well, either that or no pop. Okay, let's start with NO POP!

Week One - No Pop!

Whew! That is going to be tough, because I really do love pop! I will try to drink as much water and sugar free lemonade as I can. The problem is I don't think it will be enough to ward off weight gain. I will be wobbling in when I see my friends at the end of the month. I think I will also need to start working out. Maybe that will help a bit. I just feel sooo very bloated and fat. It's awful. Hopefully between drinking mostly water and lifting weights, some of this bloat will go down.

I saw this lady the other day and she just looked so nice. Her hair was done nice and she had on a fitted black shirt, black skirt and heels and she just really looked great! In my mind I was like there is no reason that I can't look that nice. I will one day. I just have to believe in myself, be willing to put in the hard work and make the necessary sacrifices. The past year of LC'ing has not been fun. I want my diet to be a Lifestyle, not altering my family's diet and being a part of my family. I've felt like an outsider and that is why I really want to make this change.

I am going to try this approach. More Baby Steps. Putting behind me the whole "all or nothing" mentality. If I had done so thus far, perhaps, I wouldn't be blowing up lookin' like the Michelin man or somethin'.