Roller Coaster of Emotions and Weight

Well, today was one of those days that I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Just in an overall bad mood. I'm dealing with some personal issues right now and so that definitely takes it toll on me. My husband is a wonderful man and he is very supportive. I feel so blessed to have such a kind and understanding man as my Stan. As well, I am praying to Jehovah for strength and endurance and look forward to the new system when the things that we have endured will be things of the past and won't be remembered. This is something that I am certainly looking forward to.

I completed TLT - Strength in Movement tonight. I think I liked that one better than the Endurance in Movement. It was a little more easy going and I like Jen. It was very challenging. I don't know why I do this to myself. I won't workout for weeks or months and then get restarted with some of the hardest workouts in my collection. I didn't quite know what to expect with these and while I won't use the word - fun - I certainly feel they add a little something different to working out and that is a good thing. At first I was going to try to stick to just a FIRM rotation and I just couldn't stand the thought of that, so I found this rotation and so far so good.

I am still following Atkins 72. I have no idea what I weigh, nor do I plan to find out anytime soon. I plan to follow it through the district convention. After that though, I am saying this and I really mean it....I am going to close the book on low carbing. It's just too hard to have to fix separate meals and there is just so much preparation. And while I lost a great amount of weight in a short period of time, it's now been a full year and I still have not met my goal. In this amount of time, I would likely be at goal if I had been following WW or something. Also, I just don't care for the lack of spontaneity with low carbing. I mean I can't just eat a bag of Doritos if I want to or get a taco. It's not that I want to splurge on these things, I just want to be able to eat them when I want to. Ultimately, it is up to me to make healthy decisions when I eat. So I can either choose to do so or not. Plus the fact that when I come off plan which is likely, I BINGE! I feel like I am trying to fit in everything that I have missed while on plan and I eat more and more terrible each time. I don't want that, but with the almost perfection that you have to have with low carb, it makes it impossible not to function that way. You have to pretty much do the diet exactly or you will knock yourself out of ketosis and you will be hungry and not losing weight. I think I am just sick and tired of the pressure. I don't have the fight in me anymore to starve myself or to be so restrictive. Ultimately, I just want to eat what I choose in moderation, drink plenty of water and exercise regularly. That's what I want. That is going to be my real Journey to Health! I'm tired of cycles and I am tired of doing this to myself. The long and the short of it is, I want to be healthy, I want to be a good example to my daughters and keep my husband healthy. I have a beautiful family that I love with all of my heart and I want us all to be healthy.

So, I am going to try my very best to continue to low carb through July 10th and then I am going to move on to something else. May be more along the lines of Buffmother's plan or it may be WW, or it just may be something that I have concocted myself, I'm not quite sure. But in the end, I don't believe that low carbing is going to be my journey to health. I may have started my journey here and with it, I lost a great amount of weight, but it's not how I wish to continue. I really don't feel that LC has helped me to create a healthy body, nor did it help me to create a healthy relationship with food. May have done it for others, but not me. It helped me to lose weight and since that was my goal, it did it's job. But that is not good enough anymore and not enough to keep me going. So over the next 3 weeks or so, I will be formulating a plan so that I can get things in gear to transition to something else. I know that I have tried other plans in the past, and I failed, but I really think that they failed because I was trying to follow such strict parameters that I set myself up to fail. Fortunately I have my blog and my old KK journal so that I can read through it and figure out how I was feeling, what things upset me, what things made me feel good and go with it. Health, that is what this journey is about, my health and I hope that I learn something during the course of it!